Barbie
08-30-2004, 07:28 PM
So my daughter has been living with me for the last 2 months now.
We’ve had out ups and downs. More downs than ups right now. I’m optimistic in my thinking/believing that once school starts for her and soccer season starts, she’ll be less bored and antagonistic and more content with where her life is and where it’s going: making new friends, new school, no hockey (soccer only this year).
This move has been a big change for her.
I’ve noticed the pattern of her behaviour now as well.
She’s with me for 2 weeks and progressively going very good. Then, she spends a weekend with her dad and his wife (affectionately called Step-monster). When she comes back home on Sunday evening, she’s in a bad mood and unhappy/depressed.
And then, for 2-3 days, I’m left picking up the pieces of her shattered feelings.
In that I don’t mean to say I (or Mike) apologize for what her father or step monster said and did, but instead, we have to re-enforce and encourage her that WE love her very much and we are sorry for how she is feeling and we have to deal with the resulting acting out and the “no body seems to love me” words and actions.
Case in point:
Weekend of August 20, 21 and 22: Kristine is taken camping that weekend with her dad and step monster and their spawn. They go to a little place NW of Calgary called Westward Ho.
Kristine tells me that they had a good camping trip, despite her joints hurting her because of the cold nights. (That Saturday night the high was 2 degrees Celsius)
But on Sunday, when they arrived to their home, Step monster started in on Kristine about an incident (that was a closed subject according to an agreement between her and her father) that happened 3 weeks prior to that.
Three weeks earlier: Kristine is setting the kitchen table for dinner and while carrying 4 glasses, drops one. Step monster says to Kristine, “…I swear Kristine; there are things smarter than you.”
Kristine is 11. She’s not stupid and she heard, “…I swear Kristine, there are *things* smarter than you.”
That Sunday when I picked up Kristine, she retold the story and I asked her how she felt about it, she said, “Mom, I’m not stupid, she called me dumb. She made me feel dumb.”
I have a talk with her father about this, to which step monster denies the story and called Kristine a liar and of course, her father picks sides.
He says, “She didn’t call you dumb”, she says, “She made me feel dumb”, he says, “He’ll talk to her.”
Now, Sunday of the 22nd, Step monster brings it up and says, “I didn’t call you dumb.”
Kristine says, “What was said made me feel dumb.”
Step monster says, “No it didn’t.”
Kristine says, “You can’t tell me how to feel. That’s one thing you can’t take from me and you make me feel uncomfortable when I’m here.”
Step monster says, “Well you don’t have to be here. You can not come back again if you don’t want.”
Kristine says, “I don’t want to be here when you talk to me like that.”
Step monster says, “Fine, don’t ever come back,”
Meanwhile, her father is just sitting there and says nothing.
Kristine comes back home feeling betrayed by her father and spirals down emotionally.
In comes Mike and myself who have to rebuild her self esteem, AGAIN!
This is so emotionally draining for me.
Kristine starts acting out. She won’t help out around the house and do her chores; she’s aggressive and antagonistic and starts fights for no reason.
She pouts.
She cries.
She’s manipulative.
I feel bad for how she feels after a weekend with her father and she knows it but mistakes it/turns it into feeling sorry for her, so she plays up on it more.
This past weekend, she spent the weekend with her father.
Sunday night, same thing again. Depressed because step monster started about her bangs being too long [growing out her hair for spring time (shaving it for Canadian Cancer for Kids)]
And now, she’s said what I thought she wouldn’t say until she was at least in her teens.
“I don’t want to go back there ever again.”
I ask her why
She says, “so long as *she* is there, I won’t go back.” And “Dad never sticks up for me while she is around.” And “He lets her dump all over me.” And “I’m not going back and you can’t make me.” and "she's going to be why I kill myself"
I beg your pardon?
"What Kristine"
"Nothing"
"No, I don't think I understand."
"Mom, If I have to go back there, I don't know what i"m going to do. I can't take it anymore."
She's 11!~~~~ Fucking 11 and talking about killing herself!
Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on how you view it) she’s spending the week with her Uncle and his kids in Sylvan Lake (beaching it and water sliding) as a last fling before the school year starts.
Perhaps this will be good for her?
What ever it is, I’m drained.
And so here I am awaiting the school year and hoping that she will adjust well to making new friends and getting involved with the extracurricular activities and maybe she’ll feel differently about visiting her father.
She’s not playing hockey this year. Kristine is being tested for Osteomylasia. (In small children aka: Rickets or soft bone) Her joints are aching as if she has arthritis.
We’ll know in a couple more days what the diagnosis is.
She’s had an MRI now and all they have found is that she has minor showing of Chari I malformation. That is scary in itself.
Well, this was a good vent.
We’ve had out ups and downs. More downs than ups right now. I’m optimistic in my thinking/believing that once school starts for her and soccer season starts, she’ll be less bored and antagonistic and more content with where her life is and where it’s going: making new friends, new school, no hockey (soccer only this year).
This move has been a big change for her.
I’ve noticed the pattern of her behaviour now as well.
She’s with me for 2 weeks and progressively going very good. Then, she spends a weekend with her dad and his wife (affectionately called Step-monster). When she comes back home on Sunday evening, she’s in a bad mood and unhappy/depressed.
And then, for 2-3 days, I’m left picking up the pieces of her shattered feelings.
In that I don’t mean to say I (or Mike) apologize for what her father or step monster said and did, but instead, we have to re-enforce and encourage her that WE love her very much and we are sorry for how she is feeling and we have to deal with the resulting acting out and the “no body seems to love me” words and actions.
Case in point:
Weekend of August 20, 21 and 22: Kristine is taken camping that weekend with her dad and step monster and their spawn. They go to a little place NW of Calgary called Westward Ho.
Kristine tells me that they had a good camping trip, despite her joints hurting her because of the cold nights. (That Saturday night the high was 2 degrees Celsius)
But on Sunday, when they arrived to their home, Step monster started in on Kristine about an incident (that was a closed subject according to an agreement between her and her father) that happened 3 weeks prior to that.
Three weeks earlier: Kristine is setting the kitchen table for dinner and while carrying 4 glasses, drops one. Step monster says to Kristine, “…I swear Kristine; there are things smarter than you.”
Kristine is 11. She’s not stupid and she heard, “…I swear Kristine, there are *things* smarter than you.”
That Sunday when I picked up Kristine, she retold the story and I asked her how she felt about it, she said, “Mom, I’m not stupid, she called me dumb. She made me feel dumb.”
I have a talk with her father about this, to which step monster denies the story and called Kristine a liar and of course, her father picks sides.
He says, “She didn’t call you dumb”, she says, “She made me feel dumb”, he says, “He’ll talk to her.”
Now, Sunday of the 22nd, Step monster brings it up and says, “I didn’t call you dumb.”
Kristine says, “What was said made me feel dumb.”
Step monster says, “No it didn’t.”
Kristine says, “You can’t tell me how to feel. That’s one thing you can’t take from me and you make me feel uncomfortable when I’m here.”
Step monster says, “Well you don’t have to be here. You can not come back again if you don’t want.”
Kristine says, “I don’t want to be here when you talk to me like that.”
Step monster says, “Fine, don’t ever come back,”
Meanwhile, her father is just sitting there and says nothing.
Kristine comes back home feeling betrayed by her father and spirals down emotionally.
In comes Mike and myself who have to rebuild her self esteem, AGAIN!
This is so emotionally draining for me.
Kristine starts acting out. She won’t help out around the house and do her chores; she’s aggressive and antagonistic and starts fights for no reason.
She pouts.
She cries.
She’s manipulative.
I feel bad for how she feels after a weekend with her father and she knows it but mistakes it/turns it into feeling sorry for her, so she plays up on it more.
This past weekend, she spent the weekend with her father.
Sunday night, same thing again. Depressed because step monster started about her bangs being too long [growing out her hair for spring time (shaving it for Canadian Cancer for Kids)]
And now, she’s said what I thought she wouldn’t say until she was at least in her teens.
“I don’t want to go back there ever again.”
I ask her why
She says, “so long as *she* is there, I won’t go back.” And “Dad never sticks up for me while she is around.” And “He lets her dump all over me.” And “I’m not going back and you can’t make me.” and "she's going to be why I kill myself"
I beg your pardon?
"What Kristine"
"Nothing"
"No, I don't think I understand."
"Mom, If I have to go back there, I don't know what i"m going to do. I can't take it anymore."
She's 11!~~~~ Fucking 11 and talking about killing herself!
Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on how you view it) she’s spending the week with her Uncle and his kids in Sylvan Lake (beaching it and water sliding) as a last fling before the school year starts.
Perhaps this will be good for her?
What ever it is, I’m drained.
And so here I am awaiting the school year and hoping that she will adjust well to making new friends and getting involved with the extracurricular activities and maybe she’ll feel differently about visiting her father.
She’s not playing hockey this year. Kristine is being tested for Osteomylasia. (In small children aka: Rickets or soft bone) Her joints are aching as if she has arthritis.
We’ll know in a couple more days what the diagnosis is.
She’s had an MRI now and all they have found is that she has minor showing of Chari I malformation. That is scary in itself.
Well, this was a good vent.