ms. bing
06-22-2004, 05:28 AM
the overgrown paperweight i call a computer has finally served some good purpose in all its failings. this evening i tried to put a file i had downloaded onto disk. it refused to go. soon i discoverd that not only did my acrobat files not want to open, they were disappearing at a rapid rate. simply disappearing. even from my disk.
having learned my lesson early on about keeping hard copies and learned another lesson much more recently about backing up everything onto disk, instead of doing the work i really needed to get done i decided to take this opportunity to put all the pictures and remaining documents that i needed onto disks in case the poor old bucket of wires decides to dive headfirst into the sea of oblivion sometime soon.
in the course of doing so i wandered across some pictures i hadn't seen in a long time. pictures of my daughter as a baby. the past couple of weeks her "terrible twos" have been asserting themselves most ferociously. i hardly recognize this little person that i once cared for so completely and lovingly. sometimes i forget in the midst of all her independance that we are still only two years removed from a time when she relied on me for every facet of life. i forget what it was like to be careful of her head and when she counted on me for all her nourishment. as she has grown more independant i have also, and i count on her to be what she is: a very assertive and confident little girl who insists on trying things on her own, even if it takes longer and makes a mess. there are times now, especially in the midst of a tantrum, when she needs me as much as she did when she couldn't even roll over, much less count to ten in two languages. she needs to know that when the strong wave of emotion and anger is past, that i will still love her as much as i did back then. she needs to know that although she is changing, that our relationship isn't. i am still mom and i can still be looked to for a guiding hand anytime she needs shelter and nurturing.
this is a different kind of adventure for me. as the youngest child i was a bit spoiled and pampered, and i honestly have no idea how to take care of a young child. i can read all the theory in the world, but i still don't know what the hell i'm doing. hell, i couldn't even take care of myself as a young adult, and now i'm in charge of another life. freaks me out sometimes.
i guess we muddle through. that's all i've ever heard from any other parent. they know what worked for them at the time, but at the time they have to admit that they had nothing to draw from except theory and advice. and that is all they can, in turn, offer.
parenthood. the final frontier.
having learned my lesson early on about keeping hard copies and learned another lesson much more recently about backing up everything onto disk, instead of doing the work i really needed to get done i decided to take this opportunity to put all the pictures and remaining documents that i needed onto disks in case the poor old bucket of wires decides to dive headfirst into the sea of oblivion sometime soon.
in the course of doing so i wandered across some pictures i hadn't seen in a long time. pictures of my daughter as a baby. the past couple of weeks her "terrible twos" have been asserting themselves most ferociously. i hardly recognize this little person that i once cared for so completely and lovingly. sometimes i forget in the midst of all her independance that we are still only two years removed from a time when she relied on me for every facet of life. i forget what it was like to be careful of her head and when she counted on me for all her nourishment. as she has grown more independant i have also, and i count on her to be what she is: a very assertive and confident little girl who insists on trying things on her own, even if it takes longer and makes a mess. there are times now, especially in the midst of a tantrum, when she needs me as much as she did when she couldn't even roll over, much less count to ten in two languages. she needs to know that when the strong wave of emotion and anger is past, that i will still love her as much as i did back then. she needs to know that although she is changing, that our relationship isn't. i am still mom and i can still be looked to for a guiding hand anytime she needs shelter and nurturing.
this is a different kind of adventure for me. as the youngest child i was a bit spoiled and pampered, and i honestly have no idea how to take care of a young child. i can read all the theory in the world, but i still don't know what the hell i'm doing. hell, i couldn't even take care of myself as a young adult, and now i'm in charge of another life. freaks me out sometimes.
i guess we muddle through. that's all i've ever heard from any other parent. they know what worked for them at the time, but at the time they have to admit that they had nothing to draw from except theory and advice. and that is all they can, in turn, offer.
parenthood. the final frontier.