this generation of children...what's going on?

[Barbie]

Why are children of this generation (or rather, “not our” generation) so materialistic?

I would take responsibility for my daughters un-dying tenacity to constantly and repeatedly ask/beg/whine for something. Anything. Doesn’t matter its purpose or cost.

Can I get this? Can I get that? Mom, can you buy me this? Mom, can you buy me that?
But mom, I really need it. Mom, mom, mom…

But you see, I CAN’T take responsibility and I WON’T take responsibility for how she is...I WILL take responsibility to make the change in her.



I do not live my life in a materialistic way. I am a very simple person. I am not a high maintenance person. Or at least, not that I think. Of course, I have a bias opinion.

Mike and I live a very modest life and we have very little possessions.
Our major investments are our home and a couple of cars – and those really are more liability than asset. (I drive a Kia and my husband drives a Saturn…what does that tell you)

I rarely go shopping for myself. I don’t have the up-to-date-latest fashions. I don’t have the newest this or the newest that. In fact, I’m told that I’m “behind” on things.

My most cherished items are a ‘Purity’ Cookbook dated 1932; a Hudson’s Bay Blanket from 1940 something; and a trunk full of family photos dating back to 1920 thru to present – all of which were my grandmothers/mother’s and given to me before she died.
They are all worth nothing, but are priceless to me.

We are not impulse shoppers. We manage our money and our bills very carefully. There is much talk about savings and retirement.

We have always thought that I put more emphasis on family and friends and feelings and thoughtfulness, and less towards “gimme, gimme, gimme”. We are not into “instant gratification” or “instant satisfaction”.

I am not an impatient person. I wait with tolerance during rush our traffic, or in the bank line (while there is only one teller

Now here is my 11- year-old daughter who is a kid of me-me-me. She bores easily. She’s impatient. She’s not like me.

Where does she get this? Too much sugar? To much of her father in her? Too much media? To much of all of those?
Is my kid the only one who’s like this?

My kid is a very sensitive child, but it’s only been recently that I’ve noticed that what she feels for others, in a sensitive nature, seem to all be about how whatever injustice she’s dealing with, affects her. I’ve not heard her utter the words, “poor me”…not yet.
Does anyone have any suggestions for me on how to deal with this? She’s still young enough, still green enough, to be trained.

Anyone?

[jess]

Barbie I wish I could help but my 4 yr old is the same way. Every single commercial on TV I hear, "Mommy I want that"
She thinks she gets something every single time we go out to the grocery store. Some of that is most definately my fault, and some my husband's. I will tell her no, so he will go behind my back and buy it anyway. It is very difficult to get a child out of that. I am trying real hard lately to try to break her from a lot of things.
Greediness being one of them.
I am not high maintenence either in fact I grew up in a house where I was the oldest of 6 children. I never got anything I ever wanted and turned out to be a pretty good person that way. I guess my mistake with my daughter was giving her what I didn't get.
Now she expects it. She is not in school yet, so I don't hear "they have it why can't I" yet. But I know it's coming.
I can say "no" to her but my husband can't. Therefore she has a room full of toys that she never even plays with. And she's only 4.
As far as the way she feels about others, I'm not sure what to tell you there. My daughter is still very young and I've yet to cross that path.

[MAC]

is the gas tank in your car full?

or do you stop at the store every single time you go out and while you're there get a soda and chips?

how long can you stay in your home before you go completely stir-crazy?
do you leave the house EVERY single day?

and WHAT do you do that costs NOTHING?

My friends who used to chide me about not living in the city told me I was missing so much. What? What do you do that doesn't cost $1?

every day you leave your house and everywhere you go you spend money.

everything costs something and your kids know that

THEN you can add in advertising aimed for kids......

[Barbie]

during the week: up at 5, out by 6, go to work. Take my own lunch to work (by bus by the way), home by 6 to make supper.
Sit down and do homework or in my case right now, unpacking of the house...prior to that though, read a book, do some gardening, visit family or friends...
Weekends: sleep in, laundry, read a book gardening, house work, hockey, hockey, hockey and hockey...summer time is soccer and softball...
Sunday, church, family dinner, relaxing...
Thursdays, grocery shopping...on a budget.

Kristine lives with her dad. They are on limited means, so says he, but bad habits are hard to break...he's impulsive and can't save a dime.

She see's it.

I aim to break it.

[Koliedrus]

Keep your 'net service and cancel cable/sattelite.

I know. *GASP*

Turn off the TV.

Control your TV.

[Barbie]

No tv - I was raised without it, and it hurt me none!

keep my net service? Why? Because it's not as bad as tv?

[ms. bing]

that's our selfishness. we would miss you too much if you left.

i had this discussion recently with a friend of mine and her aunt, who is a baby boomer (50ish). i was gently chiding my friend for spending more on decorating her apartment than she needed. she was realizing that as she looked at her reciept vs. her checkbook. she was planning to send some things back. i was telling her what she needed and didn't really need by citing examples from her own life (who is she having to dinner that she really needs matching plates anyway?) and her aunt starts in on "but don't you want to...". i told her that i live a very un-materialistic life because that is the way i was raised, and that there is a lot to it when you're little. having carpet you don't have to worry about spilling something on, having furniture the cat can sharpen his claws on, etc.
then the aunt asked me, in all seriousness, "but do you really want that for your daughter?"
ummm.... YES!
do i want it to not be a criminal offense if she breaks a dish? yes. do i want to be able to afford to go do things with her that does cost money because i live in a home and drive a car i can afford? yes. i would rather live in a clean but small trailer in the woods and be able to spend christmas in mexico every year. i would rather drive a car that borders closely on not being big enough for all of us and be able to afford the gas to go on trips to mexico every year. (hung up on this mexico thing right now because i'm planning christmas break!)

you want to know what happened to the kids today, and why they're so materialistic? it's us, whether we like it or not, because it's our parents. not speaking individually here, but culturally. the baby boomers created a culture that says we deserve all the nicetys money can buy, and that it is important to appear well off. unless you lived under a rock during the 80s and 90s, you heard that message whispered into your ear on a daily basis. you may have chosen not to answer the call of the selfish, but your children hear the same message now. how they answer depends on you as a parent, not so much on what you allow, because that is simply a matter of yes or no that they can easily remedy when they get older by getting a job or moving out, but what you teach them to value.

[Kayla]

my childhood

"mommy, can i get this?"
"no sweetie, we can't afford it, maybe next time?"
"ok mommy, maybe next time"

unfortunately i grew up in poverty. no. fortunately. i wouldn't have it any other way. i got bags of hand me down clothes and they were awesome to me. i'd dig into them like christmas. i didnt care they were hand me down. i didnt care the toys were my cousins. i was glad i had a roof over my head and food in mny belly. i knew that my mom didn't eat for nights on end to make sure i ate.

i shared my sandwiches with her at night and we both went to bed a little hungry. but snuggled up together.

i hate seeing little bratty motherfuckers running around malls throwing tantrums. their parents can't control them and its disgusting. How do you get your kid to stop begging and crying for more toys? Tell them "NO"
When they get their own job, they can buy all the useless shit they want.

I went through that phase. my first job, my paychecks got fucking blown on candy and toys and...whatever. Now that I'm lving on my own you're damn right I know the value of a dollar. My father and mother taught me how to save money. Since I've been saving since I moved to california, I just bought myself a new TV, couch, and two tables for my living room. I don't live lavishly, i just realize how to save money and how to spend it properly.

You gotta start early. If your husband has been spoiling your daughter, you gotta slap her back into reality and let her know that mommy isn't goign to give into her every wish and command.

I'm sorry if this post sounds harsh, but i'm very adament about not spoiling a kid. I was spoiled with love and attention, thats for sure. I got more of it than i could stand. I was spoiled with all night talks w/ my dad. I was no spoiled with materialistic things and I hate seeing kids these days that are.

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

And you turned out so well...

[Barbie]

Originally posted by Kayla


i hate seeing little bratty motherfuckers running around malls throwing tantrums. their parents can't control them and its disgusting. How do you get your kid to stop begging and crying for more toys? Tell them "NO"
When they get their own job, they can buy all the useless shit they want.

You gotta start early. If your husband has been spoiling your daughter, you gotta slap her back into reality and let her know that mommy isn't goign to give into her every wish and command.


When you have children Kayla, you will learn very quickly how NO doesn't mean what you think it means and how it's empty value will not serve your well.

It's not my husband who is spoiling my daughter. Her FATHER and my husband are two TOTALLY different people. He is re-married with another daughter and I'm pretty sure he's not spoiling her either. It's the "buy my love" syndrome that many children of divorce go through. On top of being the first grand-child and the first great grand-child, her head is filled with memories (and fantasies) of what it was like Pre-sister.

And Kayla, I would certinally hope that you would not slap your child into reality. Violence serves no purpose in raising of children.

With regards to the children who are screaming in the walk ways of grocery stores and the like: if you are having a difficult time listening to that, think of what the parents have gone through, are going through, and will go through.

[Kayla]

ok, first off muffy: you have absolutely no idea where i am in my life right now, so i don't know where you get your opinions from.

barbie: i'm sorry, i meant father not husband. i read your other thread and i do realize they are different people.
by "slap" i didn't mean physically. i've been verbally smacked into reality many of times.

As for "no" not having any meaning or value, thats bullshit. really, it depends on the kid...the parent...etc.
When I was told no, it meant no and i realized that. i did throw the occasion temper tantrum, but they were few and far between.

[Kayla]

i also had the buy my love thing going on and it didn't last very long considering the custody battle went quickly.

Being the only child, i was definitely spoiled by my grandparents but i didn't seem them that often so i don't think it affected me much.

if she is being spoiled by grandparents and such you should probably tell them to stop as it isn't helping (assuming you haven't done so already).

[Barbie]

Originally posted by Kayla
i also had the buy my love thing going on and it didn't last very long considering the custody battle went quickly.

Being the only child, i was definitely spoiled by my grandparents but i didn't seem them that often so i don't think it affected me much.

if she is being spoiled by grandparents and such you should probably tell them to stop as it isn't helping (assuming you haven't done so already).

Like I said, her head is filled with "memories and fantasies" of what was and isn't now. They have been told and they have complied.

My daughters "me me me" attitude comes from all that surrounds her. I dont' like my ex husband, in fact, I hate him (strong word) but I know damn well that she is NOT spoiled. She just wishes she was.

Too much instant everything in her life and it's got her thinking that the world owes her.

Things will change when she's living with me.

Oh yes, things will change....


Muah hah ha ha ha hah!

[Kayla]

good :D

she'll grow out of the wishing thing really soon.
well, you said she's 11? once she's in high school it'll come back :\
but thats only 4 years (4 long horrible years).
:[

i thought the world owed me for a while. it did. it owed me a swift kick in the ass. i got it too.
woo!

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Originally posted by Kayla
ok, first off muffy: you have absolutely no idea where i am in my life right now, so i don't know where you get your opinions from.

Umm...duh Kayla - this is a thread about youngsters, and when I first encountered you you were what..15? And quite the whiney brat. I don't know where you are in your life right now, correct, but in relation to this thread, at Barbies kid's age, I can't imagine you being any better.

[Billyman]

With all due respect Muffy, this is Lessons not the Barathrum.

Please take it to the appropriate forum. ;)

[ms. bing]

this morning at daycare one of my daughter's teachers asked me if she was wearing a "hello kitty" shirt.
i told her i honestly had no idea. pretty much all of eva's clothes are either hand me downs or from the goodwill. i had no problem telling her teacher that. she grows out of clothes so quickly, as long as i have a good source i'm going to do the hand me down thing. right now my best friend's daughter is one year older than eva and has a father who tries to buy her love with expensive clothes. imagine a three year old being impressed by a ralph lauren t-shirt. never said the guy was bright.
however, this afternoon i had to go buy myself running shoes (ran the soles off both of them, but then they were hand me downs too, and i'd had them since 2000) and while i was in the store i remembered that this morning eva's toes had been uncomfortably pressed up against the ends of her shoes. so i picked her up a pair of baby nikes without blinking.
shoes are important. when a child is beginning to walk and run, especially if they are very active, they need good shoes with plenty of support. i haven't found anything better than nikes. they are well made and don't rub her feet anywhere.
so i guess the moral to the story is that i will go as cheap as possible with the things that don't matter, but when her actual well-being is involved she has every right to expect decent stuff. so i don't think a thing about dropping $30 on a pair of name brand shoes. i figure it's more than made up for by the 15 sets of grranimals i didn't have to buy.

[Kayla]

Originally posted by MuffyTheVampyreLayer
Umm...duh Kayla - this is a thread about youngsters, and when I first encountered you you were what..15? And quite the whiney brat. I don't know where you are in your life right now, correct, but in relation to this thread, at Barbies kid's age, I can't imagine you being any better.

At 15, on the internet, I was a whiny bitch. Damn straight.
My real home life is a mystery to all of you so don't make assumptions and accusations about something you have no idea about

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Originally posted by Billyman
With all due respect Muffy, this is Lessons not the Barathrum.

Please take it to the appropriate forum. ;)
There is no "it" to take to barathrum. I was merely pointing out that Kayla perhaps wasn't the best person to give advice on this issue. That's a personal opinion, not a dig. Dumbass. <---- that's a dig.

[MAC]

my dad's neighbor is 72
he is the only surviving member of his squad from the Normandy invasion

he treats my 52 year old dad like he's a kid

I have a 31 year old friend who's 50+ year old mom acts like he's still 16

My 30 year old ass is beginning to have a helluva time dealing with 20-nothings

the moral of the story is there's always someone older than you who treats you like a kid

however, we're in a discussion about kids from the parents perspective and so far I think it's primarily the parent's fault if the kids act like heathens and expect unrealistic things

but then the magical thing happens

*ping*

accountability

it's all your mommy&daddy's fault until the day you realise you're acting wrong and you get to choose how you behave

after that your home life, family, up bringing, etc mean shit.

[ms. bing]

in response to mac's bit about someone older always being there to treat you like a kid:
today i went to see my friend. she just got her first job teaching highschool spanish and was setting up her room.
i watched her go through books, class rules, emergency plans, detention procedures, etc. with some awe. then i looked at her very seriously and said "are you sure we're old enough to have real jobs?"

[mute]

learning from what i know of history, and personal experience, it;'s getting worse.

[Barbie]

I've cured Kristine (tentatively) of the "mommy mommy mommy...can I get this.." disease...

I sat her down and explained that we have no money for these things.
I told her that it's inappropriate to "fit out" in the middle of store, especially being 11 years old.
I told her what MY expectations were.
I asked her what HER expections were and we made a promise to each other that we would make sure to respect them and not fall back into a petty pattern.

What do you know - it worked.

Mac is right ya know.

It's the parent's fault until the kids know better.

Just make sure you teach them to know better.

[Koliedrus]

Hot damn! :)

Well taught, folks!

[Torque]

When I was a kid and was wanting stuff that was too pricey, i must have been about her age or so. My mom sat me down, and we did the the bills for the month, and I got to see that there just wasnt much left over. Having concrete proof in front of ones eyes, it was easier to realize that no matter what the scheme, there just wasnt any way that stuff was going to show up.

So, I grew up, and got a job, and bought all that stuff later.

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Mum left Dad when I was 4, back then being a solo mum was a lot harder. Dad bankrupted himself on paper (he's rich as buggery) to get out of paying maintenance, and we were dirt fucking poor (I'm talking getting your clothing from the dump and relying on relatives to put a roof over your head kind of poor), then she met and married the manager of a billion dollar oil refinery and got her matrimonial property settlement from dad and suddenly we had more money than we could spend - I know what it's like to want, and to have more than you could want. I also know this - those days when we were dirt poor were the happiest of my childhood. Mum would make up for not being able to buy us nice things by spending lots of time with us, doing fun cheap activities, and generally being a first class parent. As soon as we had money she went down that rich bored housewife path of putting things in her arm, up her nose and generally being bombed out of her brain. Heath (my brother) and I wanted one thing - to have things back the way they were.

These kids today don't even know they're alive. They're victims of a consumer oriented society where we are told that having stuff = happiness. If they can't learn to want things that are a little less superficial I don't think they're ever going to be happy.

Sorry for the depressing post.

[Barbie]

My husband's grandparents believe that you dont' know what you go till you live through war.

Both were WWII survivors.

Oma was in a concentration camp for 3 years.
Opa dug mass ditchs. Guess what for.

You don't complain about what you do and don't have when you live through something like that!

[skalie]

Dutch?

[Barbie]

German

[skalie]

I asked because opa and oma are also the Dutch equivalent to grandpa / grandma, didn't know that the krauts had the same lingo.

And, phew, they would have some pretty extreme character building type experiences under their belts.

*shudders*

[Barbie]

Their stories are terrifying.
Each time they "try" to talk about it, they have to stop.
Opa's the worst. His eyes fill with tears.

[Large Filipino]

Coming from being married 17 years and a girl 13 and a boy 16 and being still 38 myself,I want to share some parenting advice although I'll be the first to say I'm no expert and not perfect.
I want to "Take Over" whenever I see crying kids at the mall or anywhere.I want to tell the parents to march straight home.That's what I did when my kids tried that on two occasions in the past and I really needed to get the kids clothes and I really needed to get groceries. Then they knew I was not playing around. One little remark and I would leave the shopping cart right there and head for home.
My kids generally have what they want(Playstation,designer clothes and shoes,ect) But they work for it. They know this and respect me for this.
My son got his drivers permit only when his grades went up.Even family relatives tried to talk me out of it but I held my guns. Now he won't get his license until I see at least a 3.0 avreage in school,for that would give me reduced rates for car insurance. And he wants to work and earn money but wants to drive also so I know he'll work hard at it.
My daughter's in dancing school and loves it. She even helps out around the house to earn an allowance and gives half of whatever she earns back to help pay for dance. She's in the Honor roll so I'm not too terribly worried about her.
So my non expert advice to all parents is to stick to their guns and don't ever,ever give in. Ever. That's hard to do but so is parenting.