On the Turning Away...

[Koliedrus]

I was in a hurry. I had an agenda. I knew where I was going, the best way to get there given traffic conditions for that time of day, what I needed to buy and the shortest way home.

I didn't count on the guy asking for food.

It's happened before but this guy was different. He really needed some food.

I'm used to people conjuring up all sorts of excuses to get cash for reasons only known to them. When they ask for money to buy food, I offer to buy them food. Sometimes they actually take me up on the offer. I do what I can to see that they get fed and some more help.


Yesterday, I turned away because I thought my agenda was more important.

When he wrapped his arms around his head and fell against the wall, I knew that I'd fucked up. He really needed help. I passed the buck.

I tried to compensate. He wouldn't talk to me so I made a phonecall to someone who would get things in motion.

When I asked about him today, I got shrugs.

I fucked up. The guy was right there in front of me and all I could think about was getting ready for Spring Break to end and school to start back up.

I could see it in his mannerisms. "I'm sorry I asked. Go away."

I did.

I don't know his name. I don't know how he's doing today.
I probably never will.

I turned away when I could have done something.

Fuck.

[Cruise Director]

I was thinking about this today. I was stuck in traffic while coming home from the Vegas airport. In the middle of the road, on the raised island was a loose band of what appeared to be homeless people. Some had signs, others just walked car to car with cups begging for change. This thread immediately came to mind.

Looking at the ten or twelve people pan-handling, I found myself wondering which of them was really in dire need of assistance? I know that a good portion of beggars are scam artists who probably take home more than you or I do in any given day. So how do I distinguish between those needing help and those taking advantage of my generosity?

The answer is simple. I don't give money to any of them. Now, before anyone get's it in their head that I am not my brother's keeper, consider this: What if I focus all of my donations and hand outs to the local shelter? They screen applicants and filter out the riff raff and make sure those in real need get the stuff they need.

Kol, the guy wanting food was a crap-shoot. You should not feel guilty for being a "have" instead of a "have-not." Be as generous as you can and would like to be but by aiding the organizations that give aid, you are much more likey to have your money gain the desired results and still have a good feeling about sharing what you have.

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

IMO (which may be wrong - that happens very occasionally) if you live in a country that has welfare, there is absolutely NO EXCUSE for going hungry or not being able to provide for yourself and your children. OK - I know welfare isn't much, but it's certainly enough to pay for a roof over your head and food in your belly. The problem is that ppl dont just want a roof over their head, they want a 5 star fucking hotel and a catered 5 course meal. Every time I see people who complain about being poor and then buy their dinner from the fish and chip shop I cringe - I have no fucking sympathy for them whatsoever. Not only do they waste the tax payers money, they also don't do right by themselves. It takes very little to feed and shelter yourself (hell, when I first got kicked out of home my weekly expenses were roughly $40USD a week) as long as you are willing to live within your (lack of) means.

For these reasons I support hand ups, not hand outs. Educate, educate, educate! And make basic living skills compulsory study. You don't actually do people favours by pandering to their lack of coping skills - they just become more reliant on you and others to sort out their crap for them. The best thing you could do is let them learn how to help themselves.

[Rabble Rouser]

I used to live in the city, so there were few places you could go and not see beggars. I was asked for money a lot, but I never gave any, because I did not want what little money I had going to support a drug habit or fancy clothes (the punk rock transients come to mind...I used to dress like that, and that stuff is not cheap). That sounds so terribly stereotypical and judgemental, but that was how I thought.

Yet every time (well, most times) I had to turn someone away, I couldn't help but think, "what if that really is someone who fell on hard times, doesn't touch drugs, and honestly just wants a warm meal?"

One thing I'm slowly learning is that you can't save everyone. Not an easy task for those of us with heavy guilt complexes, but a lesson that must be learned nonetheless.

I do agree with Cruise, though. Giving money (or time) to a humanitarian aid organization will give you the satisfaction of helping those who legitimately need it, and you can rest knowing that those you helped were truly in need, and are grateful for what you gave them.

[Torque]

The only folks we really owe anything to are wounded veterans. and the government needs to take better care of them. The rest, they better be entertaining for their 50 cents. If you dance or rap or just sing an old hank williams song, i'll give you a buck. If you just sit there with a sad little look and a sign, you're screwed.

[skalie]

Originally posted by Torque
The rest, they better be entertaining for their 50 cents. If you dance or rap or just sing an old hank williams song, i'll give you a buck. If you just sit there with a sad little look and a sign, you're screwed.

In Europe most buskers have given up and started begging.

I busked for a month one summer in Belgium, skint, borrowed a guitar, sang one verse of "Like a rolling stone" repeatedly, got sfa.

Much later I heard stories of professional beggars "French part of Belgium, you'll rake it in, dress nicely, they like that, 30 quid an hour round Christmas"

Hang outside a cheap supermarket is the trick.

Busking the "terraces" with someone passing a hat brings in the money, if intimidation's your thing.

There's these East Euro's in my town at the moment, excellent accordian/ fiddle players, probably Rumanian or something, there's one outside every supermarket in town playing "If I was a rich man" and suchlike.

Outside the "Aldi foods" or "dead cheap supermarket" they've placed the tone deaf, rythmically challenged member of their clan. He plays one note and wails, his "hat" is full.

I'm like you Torque, I also prefer to reward people for initiative, but that isn't a common trait it would appear.

[Koliedrus]

Soldiers aren't the only victims of our time. I'm with you 100% in aknowledging that they're paying the ultimitate sacrifice.

As the saying goes. "shit rolls downhill".

The guy I saw wasn't a soldier but he was still (in my eyes) a victim.

He was at the very bottom of the chain.

Maybe I should assist from behind the lines.

If I'm wounded while trying to do what I think is right, I'll take the damage but I won't expect a medal.

NOW I'm frightened.

[Asmodeus]

*time to get flamed*

I disagree to giving money to beggars. I admit; I have given 1 single dollar to a beggar: course he had a sign that read, "Why lie, want a beer." I gave the dollar for honesty.

Everything I have I sweated and bled for. Why should others be given what I have earned? I earned it. They didn't. Why should you or anyone be different? Sure, there are some who come from wealthy families and have all the luxuries and opportunities. I didn't. I still don't.

Sure, I have been all over the world. But, there is a difference, I worked. It wasn't a vacation. I actually had to get up and go to work. Wow. What a concept. And there even were quite a few days that I really hated being there. Can you believe that? But, I owned up to my responsibilities. I didn't give up.

So, why should I give my hard earned money to someone who doesn't? Because I am a "have" and they are "have nots"? pffft. Who gave you that speil? Or better yet, do you actually believe it? What a crock.

If you want to have something, go get it. NOT, steal it. Earn it. The political side of this issue is this: Once someone is used to being given something, they expect it. They think they have earned it, that they deserve it.

What did Eastwood say in that movie..."Deserve's got nothing to do with it." No one, "deserves" anything. I don't deserve anything that I have not earned. Nor do anyone of you.

Riddle me this: why is it that those who demand the most think they deserve the most?

It boils down to pride. Take pride in who you are. Take pride in what you have accomplished. Take pride in you are your own person. Take pride in the knowledge of your own self worth. Take pride in what you have. Just as you should take pride in the fact that if circumstances occur, you can start over and still have a roof over your head and food in your gullet.

I think that's my dimes worth.

[ms. bing]

what muffy said struck a literary cord in me... reminded me of Bounderby in Dickens' "Hard Times". "They all want to be fed off a golden platter with a silver spoon, and they want a coach and six" or something to that effect. not fair to say. the welfare system here in the U.S. is not all its cracked up to be. like aristocracy, if you want to be able to live within it you have to be born into it. speaking from experience here. they're in the business of cultivating a social class that justifies their existance, not in helping anyone out in a time of need. it insults the powers that be if you only need them temporarily.

as for the moment, i was approached one morning outside my daughter's doctor's office by a couple with a toddler in a stroller. they asked for help because they didn't have money to pay for the hotel they were staying in. i know my town, and in my town a person who is in such dire straits has one place they can always go for a job: my old boss. i think i would have to consider panhandling rather than working for her myself. once again, in the business of justifying her own existence, not helping. so i gave them a buck. the other day i saw the same couple walking up the street to my old boss' office. i prayed for them. i wish they could have found some other way out besides that.
oh well. at least that child will have one parent at home while she's working the other one to death.
sweat shop anyone?