Barbie
12-27-2003, 03:16 AM
It’s been just shy of one year since I registered at The Hypertribe, though it took approximately three weeks to make my first post.
My very first post can be found here: http://thehypertribe.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7556
I’m not able to sit in the bay box of my sitting room, since we have moved into a very small one-bedroom apartment. (December 15, 03) Our new house won’t be ready until May 04 (even July so says the city) and we won’t have as much light coming through the living room or sitting rooms. I had opted to cut down on the light, contributing this to my chronic headaches, and so though I’ll have more windows, they are smaller in size. I feared that I wouldn’t be able to recreate the instant with which I wrote my thoughts on January 18, 2003 and then I understood, I didn’t want to recreate that moment. It’s time for anew.
2003 has gone by so fast for me. So many changes, so much going on, so much stress, so much good, so much bad, so much of everything.
My health is getting better but I could stand to loose some of the weight that I’ve gained over the last year and half. I suppose, as we get older, and our bodies change, our metabolism changes and our hormones get all sacked up (mine more than ever) its time to change the way I live. Again. The thing is, I don’t have the energy that I once did. It’ll come though. It always does
I was intent on having reconstructive surgery but my gut has been through hell and as it turns out, surgery frightens me. I have now resigned to leave my battle scars as they are and conclude that I will not have a flat stomach again.
My 10-year old daughter is trying me but I know that it’s apart of what being a parent is. Between her father and I, we have put her through a living hell over the course of her life. No child deserves what she has gone through in such a short time. Children need stability and consistency and love and affection and honesty. Children need hugs and kisses and children do need cuddles. No matter how you try to dissuade the fact, children learn what they live; by example, we are all what we learned.
My 10-year old daughter is seeing a child psychiatrist. Her second since spring and I believe we have now found that fit.
She is dealing with her emotional feelings. Feelings she had never been able to deal with before. To this point, she had been taught to bottle up and keep quiet. But now she is expressing herself in ways that I wish that had continued to do at her age. And I am so proud of her. She is intelligent and intuitive. She’s independent. She’s athletic and creative. She’s my daughter and my friend and I am so proud.
My husband is my best friend. I do believe that he is my soul mate. I used to feel that there was nothing left to learn about him…I knew everything there is to know…but again, or the course of this year, I discover there is more to learn. We are closer than ever.
I’m a glass is half empty as of late, and I do hope that 2004 brings us good things – though I thought that of 2003. So cheers to the year that was and the year that could be, but I stand with crossed fingers.
THT has been good for me.
Venting has been good for me. A written letter can be easily ripped up and tossed in the trash. It’s been good to type and post. The intended may never read what I wrote but the vent is soothing. Funny, I posted quite a bit (1482 by the time this is posted), but I have never chatted with anyone in IRC. I hope, shortly, that will change. Perhaps I’ll be able to have camaraderie that I so guilelessly hope for.
For now I’ll resign my self to posting and perhaps whoring about it.
I tend of finding that peaking sunlight one day soon, and I hope that when the time comes I’ll be able to write and express myself more like I did as a child, not unlike my daughter who recently wrote in her own ‘blog’, which she keeps by her bedside.
“…I am lovable and capable. I AM worth it.”
I’ll bend the light through the window. “Life goes on, so suck it up.”
May you have a New Year unlike any other. Cheers to 2004.
Barbie
My very first post can be found here: http://thehypertribe.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=7556
I’m not able to sit in the bay box of my sitting room, since we have moved into a very small one-bedroom apartment. (December 15, 03) Our new house won’t be ready until May 04 (even July so says the city) and we won’t have as much light coming through the living room or sitting rooms. I had opted to cut down on the light, contributing this to my chronic headaches, and so though I’ll have more windows, they are smaller in size. I feared that I wouldn’t be able to recreate the instant with which I wrote my thoughts on January 18, 2003 and then I understood, I didn’t want to recreate that moment. It’s time for anew.
2003 has gone by so fast for me. So many changes, so much going on, so much stress, so much good, so much bad, so much of everything.
My health is getting better but I could stand to loose some of the weight that I’ve gained over the last year and half. I suppose, as we get older, and our bodies change, our metabolism changes and our hormones get all sacked up (mine more than ever) its time to change the way I live. Again. The thing is, I don’t have the energy that I once did. It’ll come though. It always does
I was intent on having reconstructive surgery but my gut has been through hell and as it turns out, surgery frightens me. I have now resigned to leave my battle scars as they are and conclude that I will not have a flat stomach again.
My 10-year old daughter is trying me but I know that it’s apart of what being a parent is. Between her father and I, we have put her through a living hell over the course of her life. No child deserves what she has gone through in such a short time. Children need stability and consistency and love and affection and honesty. Children need hugs and kisses and children do need cuddles. No matter how you try to dissuade the fact, children learn what they live; by example, we are all what we learned.
My 10-year old daughter is seeing a child psychiatrist. Her second since spring and I believe we have now found that fit.
She is dealing with her emotional feelings. Feelings she had never been able to deal with before. To this point, she had been taught to bottle up and keep quiet. But now she is expressing herself in ways that I wish that had continued to do at her age. And I am so proud of her. She is intelligent and intuitive. She’s independent. She’s athletic and creative. She’s my daughter and my friend and I am so proud.
My husband is my best friend. I do believe that he is my soul mate. I used to feel that there was nothing left to learn about him…I knew everything there is to know…but again, or the course of this year, I discover there is more to learn. We are closer than ever.
I’m a glass is half empty as of late, and I do hope that 2004 brings us good things – though I thought that of 2003. So cheers to the year that was and the year that could be, but I stand with crossed fingers.
THT has been good for me.
Venting has been good for me. A written letter can be easily ripped up and tossed in the trash. It’s been good to type and post. The intended may never read what I wrote but the vent is soothing. Funny, I posted quite a bit (1482 by the time this is posted), but I have never chatted with anyone in IRC. I hope, shortly, that will change. Perhaps I’ll be able to have camaraderie that I so guilelessly hope for.
For now I’ll resign my self to posting and perhaps whoring about it.
I tend of finding that peaking sunlight one day soon, and I hope that when the time comes I’ll be able to write and express myself more like I did as a child, not unlike my daughter who recently wrote in her own ‘blog’, which she keeps by her bedside.
“…I am lovable and capable. I AM worth it.”
I’ll bend the light through the window. “Life goes on, so suck it up.”
May you have a New Year unlike any other. Cheers to 2004.
Barbie