Kol-erful language

[MAC]

Has this ever happened to you?

originally posted by QueerProzacUser

man, my dad’s gonna kill me when he finds out I’ve been sharing needles with bums at the park. And I probably shouldn’t have had sex with that one guy on my baseball team…but he said it was an initiation…and he was really cute.


and you reply

originally posted by Escape Artist

FAG!!!!1


or

originally posted by Pianomahnn

gheylord :(
BALZ!!!


how bland…how passé`.....your reply makes you seem infantile and latently homosexual.

You need to do something to spice up your replies and possibly help this poor misguided child while you’re at it. But you spend way too much time looking at porn and playing games to think of anything insightful to say….

You need Kol-Practically Speaking™.

With Kol-Practically Speaking™ you too can have caring, meaningful, and insightful things to say under almost any circumstances (a real plus with the internet ladies). Kol-Practically Speaking™ will also give your replies a softly humorous tone by streaming seemingly unrelated comments that require thought and attention to decrypt.

It’s simple, here’s how it works:

You install the software on any machine in your house (including your toaster or rotisserie grill) then you log onto the internet with that machine and head for your favorite forum. When you want to reply to a post you simply type in your normal stupid, benign reply and click the Kol-Practically Speaking™ icon in your web browser.

http://www.cox-internet.com/meshboy/images/kolspeak/kolspeak%20copy.jpg

The program does the rest.

For example:
You type
originally posted by AOLuser37264532

I’m pretty sure you're gay, dude and you’re going to hell.
Here’s a link to goatse….


Kol-Practically Speaking™ turns it into:

originally posted by AOLuser37264532

When the commandant was 25 he flew an attack zeppelin to Prussia so you can eat any pork dish you want. Don’t waste the best sprouts in your salad because the rock’s not flat enough.
There’s a yahoo group for you! Show us your spleen!!

My micro-recorder is on if you ever want to talk.


Sure sometimes ppl won’t know what you are talking about because they are rooted in “reality” but genuine concern will be voiced and respectful thoughts will flow from your post like satirical parodies from MAC’s keyboard..



Kol-Practically Speaking™ is a registered trademark of MAChatesmudflap Enterprises Inc Llc Ltd International. Any duplication in whole or part of Kol-Practically Speaking™ is strictly forbidden without express written permission form the nearest kitten.

.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........
.........

boy, I hope that got a chuckle out of someone....I don't ever pick on Kol. :p

[SimpleSimon]

Oh, shit, that is incredible!

That is the best ever, Mac, simply the best!

HaHaHaHaHaHaHaaaaaaaaaa!

[Venus]

Good one MAC

[Pianomahnn]

Okay, aside from being VERY kick ass.

Someone PLEASE find a typo in there. I could not. Therefor I have come to the conclusion that Mac did not actually type that, and it is some evil alien, or perhaps Mudflap, taking over Mac's body.

Mac > *

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

:D

[River Rat]

I concur
:D

[SimpleSimon]

P-mahnn, you are wrong. That could only be the product of Mac's twisted mind. In the absence of typo's, I conclude he was drunk during composition. He types better when his fingers can keep up with his mind.

[Koliedrus]

I'll take two!

[Billyman]

http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/otn/realhappy/xxrotflmao.gif

[Cruise Director]

My only question is if you can change icons. Not that Kol is ugly, but..... :D

[Pianomahnn]

. . .I'm hotter?

[Koliedrus]

*ding ding*

One order up for a pimply white ass. Minimize it!

[zim]

hilarious

[Mudflap]

Props for the fagmoe.



...MAC

[ms. bing]

brilliant.

yhea, he was probably drunk. or maybe at work.

maybe he was drunk at work.

yhea, that's it.

[Barbie]

as always, it's a been a pleasure!!!! :D

is this available in Canada? If so, do I have to pay in Cdn $$'s?

[mute]

:laugh:

[Barbie]

Originally posted by Pianomahnn
Okay, aside from being VERY kick ass.

Someone PLEASE find a typo in there. I could not. Therefor I have come to the conclusion that Mac did not actually type that, and it is some evil alien, or perhaps Mudflap, taking over Mac's body.

Mac > *

"...Kol-Practically Speaking™ is a registered trademark of MAChatesmudflap Enterprises Inc Llc Ltd International. Any duplication in whole or part of Kol-Practically Speaking™ is strictly forbidden without express written permission form the nearest kitten."

Appearently, you need permission form the nearest kitten.

OR is that you need A form which is close to the nearest kitten?

I don't think it's the later, and therefore, MAC must have written that advertisment for Kol-Practically Speaking™ and aliens did NOT take over his body.

[MAC]

barbie finds the typo, thus she gets the free beta version

I mean.....

originally posted by MAC using Kol-Practically Speaking™
shhh!!!! the klingons will hear you!
or will they?? (http://www.kli.org/)

[Koliedrus]

My dad was buried on Christmas Day.

I can still smile.

Thanks for reminding me that a pike is straight and simple.

[Billyman]

1) Damn

2) :(

3) Cheap shot

4) Constructive criticism at it’s best

5) Deal with it

6) I love you man!

[Koliedrus]

My Father's Death Is NOT CHEAP!

[Billyman]

I also posted before you edited.

[Koliedrus]

I'm ashamed of myself. I slipped and let my grief get to me and fucked up a perfectly good joke. The mental funk that surrounds me this time of year got its foot in the door and took over. It was brief but it was long enough to turn me into a whiney little bitch.

Maybe it was just a case of bad timing. I was laughing, too, until my outlook began to darken (no one's fault but my own). When the depression had me by the gonads, I saw not what Mac intended but a host of faces laughing at my mental wiring and my dad reduced to a comic strip character.

As a result, though (now that the fog is lifting as it always does), I see that I've been taught a few well needed lessons.

It's high time that I stopped allowing my old man's death control over how I feel. Enough already, Colonel!

I've also realized that friendship has many facets. Even though Mac is younger than me, he's like a big brother putting me in a headlock and giving me noogies when all I want is to sit in my room and pout.

So! Somebody write this app already! I'll supply the translations. Just don't ask me to help with code.

/me walks off singing, "I can see clearly now, the funk is gone..."

[Mudflap]

Kol, say the word and I will destroy MAC.

Actually, I'm gonna do it anyway. Sooner or later.

[Barbie]

xxoo

[Koliedrus]

Originally posted by Mudflap
Kol, say the word and I will destroy MAC.

Actually, I'm gonna do it anyway. Sooner or later.

Can't do it with a word. There's a phrase, though. Starts with:

http://www.badalijewelry.com/images1/03out.jpg

Holy SHIT, look at those prices!

Er, I mean.... Later, Mudflap. Sleep now.

[MAC]

Mudflap will die a cowards death in a puddle of his own urine!

I mean....the software developers pulled out when they loaded the beta version on a atari2600 and donkey kong made their dogs rebel against them. apparently there is a terrible shortage of rawhide bones now.

so be it

[MrsKol]

Is that more Kol-speak, which I might add, I am getting quite good at it myself. I just haven't used it here bvecause I didn't want people to get confused.

[MAC]

MrsKol knows and understands!

you are all heathen underlings....

that any my trust money check bounced so they wouldn't give me the latest release....:(

my time as a software promoter has ended.

oh well back to the life of a buccaneer