Solstice_Gray
11-22-2003, 06:32 PM
Mood
An odd feeling, it's overcoming me. Like the pit pat of a leaking faucet gone un repaired for years. Slowly letting the impurities of the water build up on the sink. Like a little mineral mountain for an ant to climb. Smallest obstacle for something my size yet for something else it could take a life time to get close enough to it for an analysis to be made of what it is. It feels like soft lace trailed over my back, tickling and teasing, like the sound of a friend's laughter when you gently trace your nails across their skin post giving them a massage. Or the amusing squirm of a not truly frustrated yet playful lover.
It confused me and leaves me dumbfounded yet spellbound. Whirls me around like those things in children's playground brightly colored yet worn by years of hands and feet, painted with laughter. Little things like the smile of small children, playing up and down, jumping from the second to last step on a staircase built of other people's lives. I'm lost in my own little world, pointless and not even close to logical but completely amusing. It rips that thing called a heart out of me and leaves it on the ground. To be run over by years of traffic, forgotten and ignored. Only to be left alone and covered in the ashes of experience.
Strangely this mood reminds me of learning to drive dad's stick shift car. In the rain, fog and cold 10pm Oregon night. Almost exactly a year ago, the third time he made me get behind the wheel of that shiny silver '98 Honda Accord EX with leather and all the good stuff. I was so scared of his car I could hardly think. Probably why I'd given up the first two times he made me drive it. But that night he made me drive it to the store, and didn't let me turn into the parking lot. He made me keep going and turn up highway 227, the long windy road I ride my bike up every summer. I don't remember if I stalled it or not but I remember when we pulled into the driveway well past 11pm the sunroof was open and we were laughing and giggling. The beast had been tamed and I was well on my way to learning the most temperamental stick shift I've ever driven.
That conquering confusion pins me down every second of every day and has for the last almost two months. Though in the last three weeks it's grown strong enough that I can't even concentrate on a math test. But even with that total inability to concentrate I still managed to get a perfect score on yesterday's test and got my friends to smile in the usual artificial way.
______________
Comments welcome.
An odd feeling, it's overcoming me. Like the pit pat of a leaking faucet gone un repaired for years. Slowly letting the impurities of the water build up on the sink. Like a little mineral mountain for an ant to climb. Smallest obstacle for something my size yet for something else it could take a life time to get close enough to it for an analysis to be made of what it is. It feels like soft lace trailed over my back, tickling and teasing, like the sound of a friend's laughter when you gently trace your nails across their skin post giving them a massage. Or the amusing squirm of a not truly frustrated yet playful lover.
It confused me and leaves me dumbfounded yet spellbound. Whirls me around like those things in children's playground brightly colored yet worn by years of hands and feet, painted with laughter. Little things like the smile of small children, playing up and down, jumping from the second to last step on a staircase built of other people's lives. I'm lost in my own little world, pointless and not even close to logical but completely amusing. It rips that thing called a heart out of me and leaves it on the ground. To be run over by years of traffic, forgotten and ignored. Only to be left alone and covered in the ashes of experience.
Strangely this mood reminds me of learning to drive dad's stick shift car. In the rain, fog and cold 10pm Oregon night. Almost exactly a year ago, the third time he made me get behind the wheel of that shiny silver '98 Honda Accord EX with leather and all the good stuff. I was so scared of his car I could hardly think. Probably why I'd given up the first two times he made me drive it. But that night he made me drive it to the store, and didn't let me turn into the parking lot. He made me keep going and turn up highway 227, the long windy road I ride my bike up every summer. I don't remember if I stalled it or not but I remember when we pulled into the driveway well past 11pm the sunroof was open and we were laughing and giggling. The beast had been tamed and I was well on my way to learning the most temperamental stick shift I've ever driven.
That conquering confusion pins me down every second of every day and has for the last almost two months. Though in the last three weeks it's grown strong enough that I can't even concentrate on a math test. But even with that total inability to concentrate I still managed to get a perfect score on yesterday's test and got my friends to smile in the usual artificial way.
______________
Comments welcome.