liquid seperation (a poem of the same name)

[Kayla]

it seemed to fit so well, i stole our forum names title.
so neener

Body lowered slowly
into a tomb of tepid water
head submersed in the liquid
my hair a shroud around my face
ears filling slowly with the warm aqueous solution
noises become shadows
darting about my head
fingertips skim the water
breaking its invisible shell
Soft lips almost immersed
speak aloud
"i want to drown in you"
and as i blink away the water from my eyes
i won't let you see me cry

[Koliedrus]

Body rising slowly
out of a nest of tangled blankets
head submerged in rememberance
the light a slap in my face
ears filling slowly with the cold corporate solution
darting about my head
breaking dream's invisible shell
hard lips almost immersed
speak aloud
"i want to drown in you"
and as i blink away the water from my eyes
i won't let you see me cry

[Kayla]

i love you :)

[Koliedrus]

Then our efforts have been worthwhile.

I love you, too.

[BeanCasserole]

Hey wow - what an awesome pair of parallel poems you two- fantastic!!

Years ago I tried to achieve something just like that - and failed miserably - but reading this is really cool.

Just wanted you to know how much I appreciate your works!

[Kayla]

Wow, thank you :)

I appreciate feedback and I'm sure Kol does too.

Your name makes me hungry.

[BeanCasserole]

Cool - you're most welcome - thanks for the poem.

I like the idea of parallel poems - not sure what to call them - maybe 'duet poems' is more suited - because I think they'd come aross best if read out together by two distinct and separate voices, read slighty staggered apart. For this to work properly they need to have identical sentence (and preferably sylable) structures.

But what you guys have achieved, whether by design or not, is to write 2 that are not only grammatically and phonetically similar, but also are perfectly matched on a meaningful level (and being of inverse meaning add's a funky twist). Maybe one should call this a 3D duet poem.

Music to my ears/eyes (similar experience to seeing 2 dolphins swiming alongside oneanother in spirals intertwined with one another) - quite beautiful really.

Phew - what a waffle - and probably reading more into it than was intended - but that's my interpretation of the 2 together.

He he he.. the name's more about advanced mathmatics rather than food ;-) Pleased to meet you.. hope you guessed my name. Actually, it's Tim - Muffy knows me (not that we've seen each other for well over a decade).

Later
t