How

[Venus]

How does one go about chosing a good attorney? Is there some checklist I should be using here?

[Mudflap]

Step one: for what reason do you need an attorney?

They tend to specialize. Family law, tax law, etc.

[Venus]

Uh, family law.

[Uberwonder]

Unless you are in a big hurry, I would shop around.
Do you know anyone in the field that you could get a referral from?

[Venus]

I did get a refural, and had a free consultation. I have no clue how much time I have in this. Honestly, I'm sure it was an empty threat, but I want to take the precautions nessissary as if I believed every word he said, or more acuratly, screamed.
Most of my thoughts were confirmed in this consultation, that he has a very weak case, and I shouldn't spend too much time worrying about it. But just to be on the safe side, I'm getting a copy of all of the divorce papers, trying to refill out the child support formulas in 3 different sinearos (this of course being that he actually tells me his gross monthly income...I can hear his laughter now), and forwarding all nasty emails to my personal email address for printing, and keeping after the job change. I'm going to try to make all conversations with him via email instead of phone line. This will make decisions take longer as there won't be prompt responses, but that's a sacrifice I'll have to make in order to get the words in writing.

All in all, a short version of what's going on is he's threatening to take me to court for custody of Alexys. He plans on lieing through his teeth to get the court to grant him custody, saying that I call him names, and tell him he's stupid everytime we're on the phone, he has to assume I treat Alexys that way.

The lawyer I spoke with this morning said that he had a very weak case. That the way he and I get along or don't get along has nothing to do with the way we raise the child, and the court won't interfear unless there is some sort of sign that the child is being mistreated. He suggested that I move all conversations to email to try to get things in writing.

In my own defense, I don't ever call him names, nor do I tell him he's stupid. When we fight on the phone, it's usually because I can only be baited and provoked for so long before I get upset. He can only call me a stupid bitch with an attitude problem, simply for not wanting to do it his way, so many times before I start to get mad. Kinda funny that he came up with his assuming I treat Alexys badly because I call him names and fight with him line just after leaving a message on Matt's answering machine screaming how stupid Matt was for dating me because I'm a bitch, and Matt has no idea how hard it is to live with me, and he's an idiot for being with me. Continueing that if I don't call him back that night, I'll be fucked, and I can't fuck with him because he's got the best lawyer in Colorado. I couldn't believe Matt erased the message.
Anyhow, that's life in my life right now.

[Koliedrus]

For the record, we're not a legal service but we'll help when we can.

That said, let's start with this: http://www.divorcenet.com/

Keep in mind that discussion is all part of it. Make it private or public at your discression.

[SimpleSimon]

You did pull the cassette from Matt's machine, I trust?

If it is not a cassette type machine, it will have an output port for the digitally recorded messages. Look up the info on the machine on-line, be very sure you have the correct device, and copy the digital file.

[Uberwonder]

Kol spoke wise words. Legal advice should be taken from legal experts and never from laypersons. We have great opinions on what the law should be but to follow uninformed advice can cause serious shit.

[Koliedrus]

I can site a specific example. Maybe that'll help.

Many moons ago, I helped a person answer their question about their spouse's possible infidelity. Not counting the time it took to set up the information-gathering regime, it took less than a day for the evidence to present itself.

One spouse confronted the other with that evidence, attorneys were consulted, the evidence was deemed inadmissable although undeniable so both parties tucked tail, parted ways and neither "won". In fact, their child turned out to have lost the most by the parent's activities.

Posting what you know or don't know about a situation that may involve the legal system is best left to secure and private correspondence until the situation has been settled in some way. MFC is open to anyone who wishes to read and for good reason.

Guests do NOT have to register before reading and are just as able as members to save a link to a thread and include it in an email to whomever they choose.

At the same time, Administration has the ability to alter posts. That makes the comments made in a post questionable without proof of authorship.

I strongly recommend that you establish a secure and private line of communication with legal cousel of your choice for your child's sake. I sincerely wish that I could be part of that line but I don't have the legal knowledge or credentials to help.

That's not to say that someone else here isn't able to keep you going in the right direction.

I don't mean to scold. I just want you to know.

No kidding. I really give a shit.

[Venus]

I didn't ask for legal advise from you guys. I asked for advice on how to choose a lawyer sees how I've never had to do it before.

Simon, Matt erased the message right after hearing it. He was rather pissed, and it didn't even cross his mind to save it.

[Koliedrus]

The site I pointed to up there seemed to be somthing you might be able to use. I've never been in your situation either so I tried to imagine what I would do and came up with that one.

I wouldn't ask us for legal advice either ;) I'm hoping people at that link can help you more than we can.

[Mudflap]

As far as choosing an attorney goes, shop shop shop.

Meet with as many as possible and go with the one that impresses you most. Ask if they will be handling your case or if it will it be delegated to an associate. Ask them about their current case-load and how much time they'll be able to devote to your case. Ask about billable hours and what they'll most likely wind up charging you.

Avoid the ones that want to talk about their retainers at the beginning of the conversation.

Contact women in your area that have dealt with similar situations and ask them about their attorneys and experiences.

Fabricate a voodoo doll with your ex-husband's likeness and abuse it to your heart's content.

[Barbie]

Venus - keep any emails that he sends, (and any you have replied to) but don't "talk" to him through email.
It's a paper trail that can come back to bite you.