Bar jokes

[Billyman]

This huge biker dude walks into a bar and sits down right on the center bar stool and demands a beer from the bartender.

He gulps down the beer and pointing to his left and says: “Everyone on this side of the bar is a pervert AND IF ANYONE HAS A PROBLEM WITH IT, I WANNA KNOW ABOUT IT!!!”

No one uttered a word or even squirmed on their stools.

The biker dude demands another beer from the bartender and gulps it down.

Pointing to his right he declares: “Everyone on this side of the bar is a fucking homo! AND IF ANYONE HAS A PROBLEM WITH IT, I WANNA KNOW ABOUT IT!!!”

The bar was silent, no one even moved for a brief moment.

Then, a little skinny fella sitting at the far end to the biker’s right raised his hand.

The biker dude yell’s out again: “IF ANYONE HAS A PROBLEM WITH IT, I WANNA KNOW ABOUT IT!!!”

The little guys says:

“I just wanted to let you know I’m on the wrong side of the bar.”

[River Rat]

feh

[Uberwonder]

Not bad and considering the dismal lack of jokes lately, Bman gets a kudo.
Plus I got to see that cat of his again.

[Venus]

lame billy

[Billyman]

Don't criticize! Post a joke!

That's the idea!!!!

Venus, remove the corn cob from your ass and lets hear your best. Working in a bar has to generate so good ones.

[Koliedrus]

A married couple is kicking back after a long day when the wife says, "Honey? If I died, would you marry someone else?"

Suddenly, the words on the husband's newspaper no longer make sense but his gaze remains fixed.

"Does she want the truth or is she seeking comfort", he asks himself.

"That's a tough one", he says as he looks over the top of his paper.
"I would carry our love with me even though you wouldn't be around to receive it. Yes, I think I would marry again."

After a period of silence, the wife asks, "would you live in our house or would you move to a new one?"

The husband's brain churns for an answer.

"The best years of our lives were spent here. I would want to keep your memory with me."

A few tense moments later, she asks, "what about our bed? Would you buy a new one?"

...."No. Our children were conceived there. I wouldn't want it replaced."

"What about my golf clubs? Would you let her use them?"
"Hell no! She's left-handed!"

[sauron]

So, like, a mollusk walked up to a sea cucumber..

Well, technically, mollusks don't walk, and.. but.. yet... *sigh*

- d.

[River Rat]

This fellow was saunters into a bar, goes up to the bartender and orders a beer. He downs it in one gulp slams the mug down on the bar and signals for another one. While the barkeep is pulling the next draft they guy says I bet you a hundred bucks I can can piss in that empty glass from here and not spill a drop.

Your ON! says the barman. So the guy whips it out and fills the glass to the rim with nary a drop spilled. A little dissapointed but still impressed the bartender hands him $100. The guy downs his second beer and slides the empty mug all the way down to the end of the bar. He tells the barkeep that he feels kind of guilty for taking his hard earned money so he will give him a sporting chance to get it back and then some. He lays nine one hundred dollar bills on the bar plus the one he had just won. He says same deal I can piss in that glass from hear and not spill a drop. The bartender is no dummy he know at least a little about physics and that is simply impossible. Yer On again he says! The guy whips it out again and lets it rip. Try as he might he just couldn't quite get there and didn't even treach the glass let alone fill it up. Ha ! says the barkeep as he scoops up the hundreds I knew you couldn't do it and now you are out a $1000.

the fellow winks and says not really I bet the guys at the corner table a grand each that I could piss all over your bar and you would be happy about it.


An oldie but it was all that my tired brain could come up with at the momment:D