Life, love and the internet.

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Last week, if anyone had asked for my views on love, I would probably have laughed and replied with some cynical quip about thinking with your genitals. I also would have dwelled on the fact that I was so scared of being myself around anyone again, only to be hurt, that I did not think I could ever open myself for love again.

Then I met Andrew…

I now find myself in a slightly dazed state, I can’t eat or sleep and am so full of happiness that I feel about to burst. It is as if angels gave breath to one person who could complete me, and replace the empty feelings inside with a profound sense of contentment.

The story…

Several years ago, while on one of my drunken rampages at the staff club, I met Andrew, briefly, and didn’t stop to get to know him. At the time I was pursuing yet another self obsessed Libertarian with a pretty accent, and spiralling down a path of self-destruction, loathing and loneliness. He, on the other hand, was in a relationship with someone who (IMO) was completely wrong for him, and was thus unavailable.

Andrew lived on the same street as me, 10 or so houses up. We went to the same supermarket, knew lots of the same people, and have so many similar interests that I find it amazing that we only recently got to know each other.

He presently lives a couple of hundred metres from my house, and we probably walk the same path daily. Despite this, it took the internet to bring us together :). I think it must be either Mud and PB’s example, or some unknown force, which led me to do something so completely out of character like try internet dating. Andrew and I started writing to each other a while ago, and through his letters I came to know him as an incredibly intelligent, funny and endlessly fascinating person. Naturally, I made sure to arrange a date.

Initially I was terrified that he would either be a complete psycho, far better via email than in person, or just another player. We seemed to click so well that it just couldn’t really be true, could it? I was pleasantly surprised to discover that not only was he genuinely as good as he came across in his letters, but even better! I can quite honestly say that he is the most kind, considerate, sexy and loving man I have ever met – and that is just to mention a few of his qualities!

We have been together for 5 amazing days as I write this, during this time I have barely been able to eat or sleep due to the fact that I am just bursting with happiness, and completely and utterly dumbfounded by the whole situation. We are madly in love (and I can assure you that it is love, and not merely lust – although he is very lusty :p) and I can quite easily see myself spending the rest of my life with him.

I was talking with Mac the other day about how the internet allows people to connect at a very real level, without the pretentiousness that you so frequently find when meeting people in pubs or other strained social settings. I feel very lucky to have been allowed not only to get to know Andrew through his letters, and now in person, but for getting to know all of you as well. Many of my friends laugh at, or fail to understand why I specifically make time to talk to you people, and to read about what is happening in your lives – I think these people are all missing out on the opportunity of seeing the nicer side of humanity – the real side which we all show each other. This forum has introduced me to some of the best people I have ever known. SSimon (I love you to bits) whose perceptions and genius continually blow me away, EA – who can put a smile on my face no matter how shitty I am, MAC – whose loyalty, compassion and honour give me something to aspire to, Mud & PB whose warmth and genuine natures could teach us all something, Mr & Mrs Kol for their mutual admiration, wisdom and kindness, Torque – for his unfaltering dedication to Steph and his children, a stunning example of a good and honourable man – and even mute (yes you) who I have had the pleasure of watching mature and start to find himself over these last few years. Everyone whose name isn’t mentioned, you are all awesome too, it’s just that I probably haven’t taken the time to get to know you quite so well as these others :).

Maybe it’s just that I’m currently in a semi-ecstatic (non drug induced) state, but I just wanted to let you all know that I’ve finally found real love, and that I finally understand what so many of you tried to tell me as you watched me sabotaging my own chances at happiness. You have been with me through thick and thin, know more about me than many of my IRL friends, and I think that if it weren’t for you all, my life would be much worse.

Some of you are probably sitting there going “WTF has come over Muffy?!?”. This is understandable as I’m not really one for gushing about how much you all mean to me. It is simply this - Andrew has allowed me to be myself, to let love in, and to open my heart without fear of ridicule. He makes me want to be a better person, to follow his lead and be giving of, and receptive to love….something I have had a problem with for a long time.

I know that it’s not possible for someone to change over night, and I am quite sure there will be problems in the future (no, I haven’t lost all my grasp on reality or all my cynicism just yet ;)), but I do believe now that I don’t have to be scared any more, and that’s all good!

Thank you all, and Andrew, and the Internet for making my life that much better.

[mute]

Kudos.

Except on the whole partner stuff, I still haven't figured that out yet. Lucky bastid ;)

That's all I got to say for now. Muffy rules :D

[MAC]

:)

[SimpleSimon]

Propinquity is nice when it raises its little head, isn't it?

Muffy, grab the happiness with both hands, and hold it close. Soon enough the doubts will come (they always do, as you full well know). Don't let them in, refuse to give them credence.

[Mudflap]

What Simon said. I was thinking the exact same things but could never hope to put it into words as well as he did. Hell, he knows words I've never heard of. :p

Congrats Muffy. I'm genuinely happy for you. Squeeze every bit of joy and happiness that you can out of your new relationship. And then demand more.

Excuse me now. PB has requested a back rub.

[PB]

Originally posted by Mudflap

Excuse me now. PB has requested a back rub. I'm Spoiled I think ;)



It's funny how these things happen... it's funny how it can often hit you when you least expect it, or come out of something you never thought could happen. Like me and Muddy, I've known him for like a year and a half before I ever really got close to him. To me he was someone on the computer with an interesting sense of humor.. and I remember at one point thinking to myself.. "such a shame he lives in north carolina". And when I really began talking to him on a personal level, it was purely innocent and nothing but being friendly. Funny how love can make you pick up all your personal belongings and travel 1100 miles to be with someone. Funny how all this time, just like with you and Andrew... he was already there.... sitting there.. literally right infront of me... and Andrew for you...

You know that a year ago, I wanted nothing to have to do with love ever again. my heart had been ripped apart and was still laying on the floor when Muddy walked by it and decided to pick it up and dust it off. Best thing about it, it wasn't intentional on either side....

I can not tell you how flattered I am to be any part of inspiration to your heart.... and I am so pleased to be able to witness this in you... i truely believe you deserve it... and I wish nothing but the best for you both... Thank you for sharing with us Muffy... hopefully one of these days... i can hug your neck... one of these days... :)

Love is such a beautiful thing.... too bad it isn't as contagious as I'd like for it to be... There are many of you here that I would love to be able to give you a box that gave you love like what I have been given from Muddy...

Muffy... may you stay drunk on his Magic forever.

V.

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Originally posted by PB
Funny how all this time, just like with you and Andrew... he was already there.... sitting there.. literally right infront of me... and Andrew for you...
I think something had been trying to throw us together for quite some time :)

Thanks for the good wishes, likewise, I hope you and Tripp have an eternity of happiness together.

It's a nice feeling isn't it?

*gloats*

:p

[Mudflap]

Here's some bukkake to break up the mushy tone of this thread.

:buk:

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

:asshole:

[Koliedrus]

WOOT! It's infectious!

I don't know if you recall but Sid and I were introduced by one of my sysops back when ThePit was still operational. We didn't just "click". It's almost as if we both saw the future when our gazes locked. It's a feeling that hasn't left and I'm glad for it.

Like cholesterol, radiation can be good or bad. The light coming out of your screen can be configured to reach your eyes, stir your brain and touch your soul. It gives me indescribable pleasure to tweak it in such a way that someone on the other side of the planet can tap into it with such wonderful results.

There have been many times when I have a thought I wish to convey to Sid but can't organize the thought well enough for vocalization. At those times, she says, "write it out".

And so I do. It gives me the opportunity to take portions of the thought, sculpt them with words that fit, and show her what I'm thinking and feeling without having to invent a device that drags her soul out of her body and into mine.

Same thing applies here. Sometimes the scale gives me stage fright when I realize that what I say can be "heard" around the world but it fades quickly when I see threads like this.

I've spoken with several people here by phone and/or voice IM. There's always an initial period of nervousness at first but it subsides almost as quickly as it manifests itself. I can only attribute that to our knowing each other for so long; seeing into each others thoughts in ways that standard friendships usually cannot accomodate. I've hugged three of you with genuine affection. When possible, that will happen again.

I've spoken with PB once. I was concerned about her son and his school. When the conversation was drawing to a close, I said something along the lines of, "this is going to sound odd. Don't take it the wrong way. I love you."

It took less than a second for her brain to kick in, realize how I meant it, understand that I meant it and start to chuckle.

"Under any other circumstances, that would have freaked me out.
I love you, too."

Muffy, that applies to you as well. Take it, divide it up and give some of it to Andrew.

With all sincerity, good lady, I love you.

Now get that undeserving sack of shit in here so we can rip into him and see what makes him tick.

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Awww... I love you too Kol :). You have always been very good at 'looking after' us all, and I still think of you as the forum grandpa (which has absolutely nothing to do with age) as you are so kind and approachable.

I gave Andrew a link to this thread, he read it. I said he should join if he wanted to. He didn't think 'undeserving sack of shit' was a very good username :p. I told him that I use this place to say things I can't say in public, and enjoy it as a personal retreat of sorts, so I don't think he wants to step on my toes....*shrugs*. It's up to him. He's also kind of busy what with pleasing me (lot of work :p), his own work and finishing his PhD. So... we'll see. I hope he does post though so I can show him off :D

Anyway - just so you all know how wonderful he is - He asked me what kind of breakfast I like (pancakes, bacon and maple syrup), and then went to the supermarket, brought the ingredients, and cooked me a breakfast (while naked I might add :p) of pancakes, bacon and maple syrup - and he's a vegetarian! I was very impressed. I'm definitely going to keep this one!

[Mudflap]

The only SAFE way to cook bacon while naked is to use a George Forman Grill.

Don't aXe me how I know this.

[MrsKol]

what impressed you, him making breakfast, him being in the buff and cooking breakfast, especially the bacon or just him being in the buff?

Smile Muffy and enjoy every minute of it!!! I'm happy for you!!

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Originally posted by MrsKol
what impressed you, him making breakfast, him being in the buff and cooking breakfast, especially the bacon or just him being in the buff?

All of the above :)

[Koliedrus]

USOS isn't good enough for mister PhD, eh?
Good for him.

A friendly bit of advice, Muffy; you and he might want to choose a nickname before we give him one. It's not furniture or a baby's name.

Hmmm. That just took a serious mental twist.

Let me clarify. Estero is still Kaye and Mojo is Mute. Help Andrew/Andy/Drew/Dr. Vampire pick a nick. He can have one of my really old ones.

/me digs... Termite?

Ah, screw it. You're grounded for "all of the above".

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Originally posted by Koliedrus
Muffy; you and he might want to choose a nickname before we give him one. It's not furniture or a baby's name.


MAC dubbed him 'Count Chocula' in chat - I thought that was oddly appropriate ;)

[Koliedrus]

See? Now he's "Teh Count".
Sesame Street has its merits. At times, I just think "Big Bird" and people can tell that I'm not in Mister Roger's Neighborhood.

I stand down. Enough pressure. If Andrew has your respect, I'm sure his own choice for a nickname will be more than sufficient,

I'm liking DocChoc even if he never shows up.

(edit: checking my spelling.... Yup. "Liking"....)

[PrinceOfStorms]

I feel compelled to make an entrance here before I end up with a nickname other than that of my own choosing :). Some of the suggestions were tempting, but I'll stick with this old handle, which was much more appropriate when I first chose it, but it still retains a certain appropriateness.

Thank you Muffy for inviting me into this part of your life and thanks to all of you for your best wishes and bukkakes.

My story bears considerable similarity with Muffy's. After long and painful relationships that were simply never meant to be, I too had acquired a certain cynicism about love. Since meeting Muffy, I'm struggling to understand why I thought what I had was love in the first place. I think I can finally understand what people mean by "love at first sight" and "soulmates". I guess that these are ideas that can only be understood by experience and not by watching endless chick flicks.

Not only are Muffy and I perfectly suited to each other, even the timing of us meeting again was perfect. As Muffy suggested, we may have had help :). After spending the last year and a half recovering from the partner who, as Muffy noted, was completely unsuitable for me, I was finally ready to admit the possibility that one day I would be able to open my heart a crack to someone. And then I met Muffy and my heart was flung wide open. I felt no fear of rejection or judgment, just the wonderful feeling of completion.

I wish I could express myself with Muffy's eloquence. I read the post she made here again and again, revelling in her wonderfulness.

Thank you Muffy for the wonder you bring to my life now and forever.

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

As usual, you've made me blush :). I'm very glad you decided to come here, these guys are like family to me so if you hadn't signed up, I would have been slightly disappointed - I wasn't going to tell you that though :)

[Koliedrus]

HOT damn!

I feel as if... It's true! Muffy brought you home to meet her family!
We should be eating dinner, drinking wine and talking about anything and everyting. Believe it or not, it can be done.

Grab some grub, pull up a chair, settle yourself in.

Welcome to the family, Andrew POS!
Uh oh...

[sauron]

You people make me sick.

gush, gush, gush,gush, gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! ;)

- d.

[Mudflap]

Time for more bukkake.

<marquee>:buk:</marquee>

[PrinceOfStorms]

Thank you all for your kind welcomes :).

Between spending as much time as possible with the irresistible Muffy, finishing my thesis, and working, I won't have nearly as much time as I'd like to read and post here this year. I'm starting to understand just how much you all mean to Muffy, and I'll try to get to know you as well as I can. If I don't post for a few days, I'll be working on my thesis and I will eventually resurface.

Feel free to ask anything at all you're interested in knowing about me.

[Torque]

Howdy there, PrinceOfStorms. Will you make Muffy drink Tang and Coconut rum for me, and post pictures of it?

Welcome. If you make Muffy happy, you're okay by me. You can have that printed on a shirt "Torque Approved". Chicks dig it.

[Koliedrus]

If you're lucky, you can watch us all get into a big-ass fight!

"Family" isn't all about being mushy. ;)

[SimpleSimon]

Hell, the fights can be entertaining. Start one!

[PB]

Originally posted by Koliedrus
I've spoken with PB once. I was concerned about her son and his school. When the conversation was drawing to a close, I said something along the lines of, "this is going to sound odd. Don't take it the wrong way. I love you."

It took less than a second for her brain to kick in, realize how I meant it, understand that I meant it and start to chuckle.

"Under any other circumstances, that would have freaked me out.
I love you, too."


Awwwwww.. he remembers.... I do love you Kol.. and many other people here..

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Originally posted by SimpleSimon
Hell, the fights can be entertaining. Start one!
Hell - I'm just glad there hasn't been a loud chorus of 'I told you so' :)

[PB]

Originally posted by MuffyTheVampyreLayer
Hell - I'm just glad there hasn't been a loud chorus of 'I told you so' :)

Well.. ya know... now that you pointed it out and all... lol.

ya know we love ya muffy.... i'm very happy for you.


V.

[sauron]

Originally posted by SimpleSimon
Hell, the fights can be entertaining. Start one!

Anyone want to help with supplying the jello?

- d.

[Koliedrus]

Here comes the difficult part, Muff.

Be Your Self.

I put that into two words intentionally.

There's a part of you that wants to act differently for fear of screwing up a good thing.

There's another part of you with the ability to crack her knuckles and pound good sense into the recipient of your intelligence.

I'm not asking for you to show off.

I'm hoping you won't become shy.

Sorry, Andy. If you want her, you take the whole person. I doubt you'll be disappointed.

Muffy, get back to your station. Incoming Newbs.

[PrinceOfStorms]

Originally posted by Koliedrus
Sorry, Andy. If you want her, you take the whole person. I doubt you'll be disappointed.

You shouldn't be. I do. I have. I'm not.

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

You want me to be My Self, rather than myself? If you say so....*scratches head*

I don't think I feel any particular desire to act differently, Andrew (note - NOT Andy *shudders*) seems to like me the way I am, warts and all, even with morning hair and a bad case of the grumpies.

I think people that are not themselves at the start of the relationship are basically shooting themselves in the foot. If you fall in love with one type of person, and it turns out that they are a different type of person, the whole thing rapidly turns to custard.

I'm fairly certain there is no chance of me becoming shy.

[Koliedrus]

Originally posted by MuffyTheVampyreLayer
As usual, you've made me blush :). *snip*

I think my concern was justified. I was pretty damned close to filing a missing-person/identity-theft report.

Or even....

http://www.movieprop.com/tvandmovie/reviews/snatchers3.jpg

[PrinceOfStorms]

I'm sorry Kol, but you already know too much. This won't hurt a bit once it's over...

[Koliedrus]

Mmmmm....

Colors :)

[skalie]

The whole Librarian/ Texas thing still confuses me.

[Koliedrus]

Yup. That might confuse a lot of people.

[Kayla]

wait wait wait....PB and Mud?
I thought mud was incapable of loving..
what?
wow. i don't pay much attention.

Congrats to all involved who are in love! Yay :D!!

[Mudflap]

Originally posted by Kayla
wait wait wait....PB and Mud?
I thought mud was incapable of loving..
what?
wow. i don't pay much attention.

Congrats to all involved who are in love! Yay :D!!


Originally posted by Kayla
... you guys need to read more threads.


Pot. Kettle. Black.

Thank you.

[Kayla]

yea but i'm barely a member anymore. i spend most of my time posting at suicidegirls. you guys are here all the time.

:)

[Lady Sianna]

perhaps a little late, but heartfelt nonetheless. congrats on discovering love when you least expected it! it's about bloody well time, Muffy. the best to you both. :)

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Thanks Sianna - and it's nice to see you back :)

[PrinceOfStorms]

Originally posted by Lady Sianna
perhaps a little late, but heartfelt nonetheless. congrats on discovering love when you least expected it! it's about bloody well time, Muffy. the best to you both. :)


Thank you Lady Sianna. :)

Fate had been working on us for a while, so we really only have ourselves to blame for taking so long to get together. :)

[Lady Sianna]

fate can be a bitch that way. she only takes us for far...and then expect us to fend for ourselves! :)

it makes my heart smile to see love manifested in any realm.

*raises a glass to life*

L'Chaim!

[PB]

so.. how is this situation now anyways?

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Couldn't be better :). He even gives foot rubs! YAY!