i'm scared

[mute]

i'd assume about over 50% of people i've come to known want me to feel shitty about myself

i'm afraid of trying. but there is no such thing as trying

i'm afraid of dieing, but i want to kill myself

i'm afriad of the fact that who i am is actually a stupid punk idiot

i'm afriad that everything i believe in is a farce

i'm afriad that i have nothing worth while to actually tell

i'm afraid i've said 'i'm afraid' too much

i'm afraid that there's no one that can help me, and i hate it because it's true

i'm afraid i'll never find any confidence in myself

i'm afraid that my parents and friends will read this

i'm afraid i'll never like myself

i'm afraid no one likes me, or that anyone will ever like me

i'm afraid of love, and i hate

i'm afraid i won't be able to stop this

[SimpleSimon]

It is up to you.

[mute]

i hate it being up to me because me hasn't made any right decisions so far

[Solstice_Gray]

If you had not made any "right decisions" I don't think you'd be alive today.

[mute]

it makes me so terribly depressed to think there are people who feel even worse than me

[MAC]

It makes me depressed to think that the shit that we let upset us is, so often, incredibly insignificant and unsubstantial in the scheme of things. But we spend all our time trying to communicate the fear of the cost of the end of something we refuse to finish. Tell me how hard it WAS not IS. If you think its too hard, don't do it. Then go sit at home and decide what it is you ARE going to do.

if you cannot turn the winds and tides
you'd best learn how to tack
cause, until the other shore you've spied
there is no looking back

[Koliedrus]

i'd assume about over 50% of people i've come to known want me to feel shitty about myself

50% is a managable percentage. The "over" part seems to be yourself.

I know it sounds trite but half-full isn't empty. You, sir, are certainly not empty. Partially emotionally drained, perhaps.

What Simon said is true. You have two sides from which to choose.

I know which side I'm on.


i'm afraid of trying. but there is no such thing as trying
Most people are afraid of change once they get comfortable with a particular way of life.
You're normal.

i'm afraid of dieing, but i want to kill myself
That's a good fear. Keep it.

i'm afriad of the fact that who i am is actually a stupid punk idiot
You make it sound like all punks are bad. Hippies wear suits now. Stupid you are not. And technically, idiots have an IQ lower than 25. Your "fact" is actually self-induced myth.

i'm afriad that everything i believe in is a farce
I actually cried when the age of the universe was brought into question. I know the feeling.

i'm afriad that i have nothing worth while to actually tell
Ha! Everything is interesting to someone! This, for example.

i'm afraid i've said 'i'm afraid' too much
I'll give you that one.

i'm afraid that there's no one that can help me, and i hate it because it's true
Flat tire on the interstate. I see your flashers. I'm pulling over.

i'm afraid i'll never find any confidence in myself
Whew! That's a demon I battle daily. Let me get back to you. I think we're in good company there.

i'm afraid that my parents and friends will read this
Friends have. Well, "us". See, this is why the board should be open to members only. My mom would shit a brick if she saw some of the things I've written.

i'm afraid i'll never like myself
It helps to be on the right side of that 50%. How do you feel about 90%?

i'm afraid no one likes me, or that anyone will ever like me
Vooooosh! Already covered.

i'm afraid of love, and i hate
Loss of love. We're all afraid of it. We need to get a 'chute strapped on your back.

i'm afraid i won't be able to stop this

Looks like your brakes are in good working order. You've stepped on the peddle. Get your other foot off of the gas.
A roadblock isn't out of the question.

How about this: I give a shit.

[Venus]

Well first of all...I wanna know what Simon said. Nothing was there when it loaded.

Mojo, you've identified the things in your life that you know you need to change. Most of those are things much like smoking, in the fact that in order to change it, you must truly want to. You're right in the fact that no one else can change it for you. Maybe the most important thing you need to do is decide which one to go for first. Don't try to take it all on at once. Trust me, it's way too much for one person to handle. And know that any of us are here to help in whatever way we can. You're not facing this all alone.

[MAC]

venus, you have such lovely highlights in your hair soul, add some to simon's post :)

[mute]

lets see how deep the rabbit hole goes

i'm afraid that i'm just a lunatic

i'm afraid my dreams are not real

when trying to help a girl friend realize that it's not all that bad, i recieve this:

"Well really...I do have a pretty good life...but there is one thing that isn't so great and I think about it eveyday and everyday it hurts and it will never go away I don't think!"

she's talking about a guy who won't 'fall in love' with her

this is where i try to help her realize something

"well, hopefully one day you'll realize everybody feels the same way"

"You and me might but some won't!"

that's the thing that gets me, in one way or another, everyone does feel the same

buddhism is not a religion

i get chills down my spine, listening to music you wouldn't understand, realizing i'm as insignificant as [enter text here]

just when it hits you something knocks on your membrane door

it always ends up 2 choices, because it wouldn't be choice if it was one choice

am i really that insane? to let something like that fuck with my head

something i wanted to be right, something as insignificant as that

the art of text, how has it evolved

it's funny, something as simple as this can explain the meaning of life (thus far):

RG@W#$GT$%H5yj5y6jrhljeropgl234R23rf2

it's like a calculation of the human brain, so many continuous POSSIBILITITES

[p.s. my memory is getting better. this time a long, 'thought-out', post wasn't erased from time because i have to keep relogging after long periods of time zee haa hoo :o]

[Growing_Mystery]

It's good that you're admitting exactly how you feel. I know sometimes I'll just ignore how I'm feeling and realize it much later. When I admit how I'd been feeling for so long I feel at least a little better.