You asked for humor

[SimpleSimon]

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2918818096

"Saddam has a little secret. He is anatomically correct both in his fly-zone and no-fly-zone. The "interactive" Patriot Missile fits quite snugly up his "no-fly-zone" (if you catch our drift) and if you ram it up there hard enough, he will play "God Bless America".



I want one of those!

[Billyman]

Where can one get a voodoo curse put on it after the purchase? I've got my lighter and needles ready.

[MrsKol]

Here's something kinda neat.


http://www.cyberglass.co.uk/assets/Flash/psychic.swf

[MrsKol]

Subject: Senior Want Ads

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired

> beauty, 80's slim,5'-4" (used to be 5-6), searching

> for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion.

> Matching white shoes and belt a plus.

>

> LONG-TERM COMMITMENT: Recent widow who has just

> buried fourth husband looking for someone to round

> out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness

> of breath not a problem.

>

> SERENITY NOW: I am into solitude, long walks,

> sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are

> the silent type, let's get together, take our

> hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.

>

> WINNING SMILE: Active grandmother with original

> teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare

> steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.

>

> BEATLES OR STONES? I still like to rock, still like

> to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still

> like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick,

> or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and

> listen to my eight-track tapes.

>

> MINT CONDITION: Male, 1922, high mileage, good

> condition, some hair, many new parts including hip,

> knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but

> walks well..

>

> MEMORIES: I can usually remember Monday through

> Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday and

> Sunday, let's put our two heads together

[MrsKol]

OR

Subject: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD




WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

GEORGE W. BUSH :
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.

AL GORE :
I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.

BILL CLINTON :
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?

RALPH NADER :
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN :
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH:
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART :
No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer's market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side." That's what they call it -- the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR. SEUSS :
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY :
To die. In the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDPA :
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS :
Isn't that intwesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the fwirst time, the heartwarming story of how it expewienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dweam of crossing the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX :
It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

CAPTAIN KIRK :
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER:
You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

SIGMUND FREUD :
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook - and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN :
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

JOHNNY COCHRAN:
Because the road was black and the chicken was white. We must acquit.

THE BIBLE:
And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS:
I missed one



You wanted some humor. I've got a million of 'em

[Billyman]

Originally posted by MrsKol
Here's something kinda neat.


http://www.cyberglass.co.uk/assets/Flash/psychic.swf

whol--leee shit.

[Billyman]

Originally posted by MrsKol
Subject: Senior Want Ads

FOXY LADY: Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired....*snipage*

Oh.................my....................god.

[Billyman]

Originally posted by MrsKol
OR

Subject: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROADYou wanted some humor. I've got a million of 'em

Bucket of chicken from KFC-----------$9.99

Hourly pay for highway-vermin-extractor-----------$6.85

Chicken jokes posted by Mrs.Kol, especially that Barbara Walters one-------Priceless.

Thank you ma'am.

Too funny

[jules]

Originally posted by Billyman


whol--leee shit.

so i HAD to go and figure out how it works...

not so much fun anymore.

[Billyman]

Yeah I know

"9"