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Cruise Director
01-28-2003, 07:20 AM
Cody is one of my best friends. I have 5 or 6 that I would give that title to but I don't swing it around lightly. He is by far one of the most intelligent people I know and he and I have spent a great amount of time in our past delving in to great discussions and debates about everything imagineable.

Cody married a girl named Jen about 10 years ago. Jen was a part of our little group and I was more than happy to stand up for them in their wedding line. They have had 2 little girls that I adore and I look forward to seeing the family every chance I get. It seems that the last few years it has been only a few times per year but that's okay. I'm talking about the type of friendship here that could allow for years to pass without a word and then be able to pick up where it was left off without missing a beat.

Cody called me tonight and dropped the bombshell. He's leaving his wife. Long story short; they have been unhappy for a few years now and it finally came down to the "I don't love you anymore.""Well, I don't really love you anymore, either." conversation. He told me that for the last few years they have been mainly staying together for the kids and that he has finally come to the realization that a situation like that simply cannot work or be good for anyone involved. This was not a phone call that I would have expected and wasn't exactly thrilled to receive. I've known things were rocky at their house but never thought that the marriage had deteriorated that far. We talked for about an hour about a lot of future plans; where he would go, how he would tell his and her family, etc. and I made one point very clear. I am your friend and always will be. I will do anything and everything to help you out. Cody was appreciative but directed my help in another direction.

"Jen thinks that us splitting up is going to cause her to lose all of you as friends. She thinks that I will turn all of you against her and that she will be banished from any life that we have had." Nothing could be further from the truth and Cody and I both know it. Friends just don't operate that way. He payed me the upmost compliment I have ever been given. "Out of our group of friends, you are the only one that can vocalize how the collective feels. You are the only one that always seems to know what to say. Please come over this week and help my wife to understand that you all still love her." Needless to say I am both honored and saddened at the responsibility before me.

I have a plan to show her how much we still love both of them. I have been rifling through all of my photos and pulling out some of the group photos that we, as friends, have been in ( and there are a LOT of them.) They say pictures are worth a thousand words and I want her to see that we have always been there. Always have been and always will be. I hope that I can make the message crystal clear that they both have a great support group.

I guess things always have to change and sometimes that change isn't always good. He will get through this. She will get through this.

We will get through this.

MAC
01-28-2003, 01:43 PM
this, cruise is why I DON'T have 5 or 6 of any kind of friends, let alone "best friends"

they do this to you every stinkin time

best of luck to you

and piss on "I don't love you anymore."
its bullshit and I ain't going into why AGAIN

Cruise Director
01-28-2003, 04:51 PM
Originally posted by MAC


and piss on "I don't love you anymore."
its bullshit and I ain't going into why AGAIN

I agree with you whole-heartedly. I don't know if it's possible to fall completely out of love but I do see that sometimes people's paths in lfe change and no longer stay on the same course. I think these two will remain very amiable and I see a friendly relationship between them down the road.

Right now the path is falling out from underneath the two of them. As a friend I hope I can help secure the bridge.

ms. bing
01-28-2003, 06:05 PM
if by "they do this to you.." you mean ask for your help or aid in a sticky situation then yes, they do.
if you mean let you down by not living up to a standard you have set for yourself: yes, they do.
if you mean complicating your life with their traumas and heartbreak (read: emotions) then yes, they do.
if the same is unreturned when you need it, they are not good friends.

i dont know if i should say this, but perhaps you should take a look at what kind of friend you are and what your definition of friendship is before blaming others and closing yourself off.

im not saying let them move in, but just check that definition against what the possibility of friendship could be, and what it should be.

cruise, i think what youre doing is admirable.

MAC
01-30-2003, 01:02 AM
"they do this"
means their whole fuckin world falls apart and they expect you to help
which you DO because they are your friend
then a month or two later
you do it again
and again
and again
and one day you realise they AREN'T your friend

I am the kind of friend I expect
someone who can take care of themselves without EXPECTING anyone to give them a hand, who asks for help when they really need it, and who can't say no when someone is in trouble.

so it leaves me a bit fucking bitter, to say the least

then consider that 2 times in my whole life I have been where cruises, friend cody is, my whole world is falling apart and I am worried how it will HURT the ppl around me while hurting myself

1) when my parents divorced
2) when my wife left me

thats it guys, end of list
2 times in 30 years more than 10 years apart

but these 3 times DID happen and they hurt ppl BESIDES me
ppl who looked to ME for help
why?
because I will

lets get something straight
I don't need ppl around for my daily routine. I enjoy the few ppl in my life because of the respect they have for themselves (which in turn is the respect they show me) and the way that they think.
I don't have to love the way they do everything or what their taste in clothes is, but then, again...
I don't need their help to do everything, or get dressed
I can take care of myself just fine what I expect from a friend does NOT involve "MY WHOLE LIFE IS FUCKED!!!" every two weeks

this is why no gf's for MAC
this is why no close friends for MAC

there is no eutopia filled with ppl who just "click" with me
and luckily for me, I don't need it

but in the mean time I will continue to fight with the urge to help those who say they need it and the fear that most ppl are assholes without enough respect for themselves to show the respect for my help and follow through with what they needed help with

I must say, very sadly, that so far in my life, I have recieved a pittiance of a return on my investment in my fellow man in general.

I water the seed but it refuses to grow.

maybe I am standing in its sunlight

Solstice_Gray
01-30-2003, 01:04 AM
Best of luck. Repairing friendships is at the easiest next to impossible. I know, I am still trying to repair some of my own. Although you don't know much about me and I don't know much about you, you can feel free to PM me or e-mail me if you are ever pissed about a situation such as the one you are in. And, as Ms. Bing said, think about your friendship and see what sort it is, it my change your perspective.

P.S. Photos can change people's outlook on life.