Thoughts at 6am

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

So I'm sitting here, brain fucked, having spent far too long chasing orks in a labyrinth that went nowhere (ps2 - I'm not completely nuts, yet). I'm starting to have those I need sleep but my brain wont cooperate thoughts - you know the ones where the end of an idea is nowhere in sight and every train of thought you start spirals endlessly to nowhere and entwines itself with all your other thoughts? Kind of like thought soup.

Amidst the general mudane shite you think about (where is my other blue sock, why does my air freshener smell the same as my fly spray, wtf is bengay...etc) occasionally you have the odd serious thought. As much as I'd like to squash those annoying serious thoughts down into the little pit of ignorance where they belong there is something about all night thinking sessions that make you have to stew things over. No sound, no light, no distraction - no Tarryn pulling on my arm and telling me how he's broken yet another toy that I have to replace IMMEDIATELY!

These more serious thoughts can sometimes lead you to thinking about the state of the world - generally an entirely too depressing subject which I tend to be ignoring shamelessly lately - or the state of your own little place in that world. It is the latter that I've been dwelling on tonight.

I wonder what the future will bring, and whether all my years of study will pay off, or whether I would have been better off doing a years long computer training and making mega bucks writing bad programmes for even worse companies. I wonder whether I'll be lured by the promise of lots of money and start a career as a lawyer, with the best of intentions, only to inevitably be corrupted through bending too many rules to ensure justice is done, and then just bending the rules. I wonder if I'll outsmart myself by becoming such a narrow specialist that I'll be limited to working for the health department, writing boring polemic papers expressing why more state funding is needed for health care when I no damn well there is no money left in the piggy bank. I wonder if anybody would actually bother to read those papers, and if anyone would take them seriously. I fear I'm going to end up with no job at all, or even worse - working at McDonalds.

So instead of trying to predict what is to come, I ask myself where do I want to be in 10 years time? I see myself in a quaint little cottage style house, with a big meadow next to a stream, and my own indoor heated olympic size swimming pool :D - Lots of animals frolicking about, a well cared for garden with lots of herbs planted outside the kitchen. Surprisingly (to me) I see more children in the picture, lots of little ones with Tarryn showing them all how to look for bugs and make cool stuff out of wood. Then I think my dreams sound a lifetime away from where I am at the moment, and I haven't the vaguest idea how to get from here to there. Nor do my dreams seem to be very career oriented. But then I always knew that I just wanted to get a good job so I could make lots of money and retire as quickly as possible.

So I ask you, do you know where you want to be in 10 years, and are you on the right path to getting there? Because it suddenly occured to me that without a dream there is just work. Another boring day at the office writing reports nobody wants to read, solving problems any half assed twit should be able to figure out if they weren't so damn lazy, drinking coffee and chatting about the weather. 80% of life seems so mundane that I sometime feel like I am slipping, losing sight of all my dreams and just existing from day to day to perform the next task, rather than actually living.

[SimpleSimon]

Originally posted by MuffyTheVampyreLayer
(....snip)

So I ask you, do you know where you want to be in 10 years, and are you on the right path to getting there?

I expect to be dead - not where I want to be, but them's the facts.

Because it suddenly occured to me that without a dream there is just work. Another boring day at the office writing reports nobody wants to read, solving problems any half assed twit should be able to figure out if they weren't so damn lazy, drinking coffee and chatting about the weather.

It's called mundane life for a reason. Want more? It is entirely up to you to create it for yourself, nobody else will, and it is damnably rough, frequently tedious, and results in social ostracism.

80% of life seems so mundane that I sometime feel like I am slipping, losing sight of all my dreams and just existing from day to day to perform the next task, rather than actually living.

Life is what you choose to make of it. If you have a dream, and you are not dominated by fear, follow it. Most people have dreams, and most people are dominated by their fears, so they never really try to attain those dreams.

If your dreams are important enough to overcome the fears, then choose a path toward acheiving them, and follow it. If in that journey the dream changes, you are at a fork in the path, and must choose which to follow. It is a vast maze, and only you can know if your choices are correct.

Godspeed on the journey.

[MAC]

edit:
I hate feeling so fucking crushed

my concern is my daughter who is far away
all my dreams are easily changed to make sure I have room for her any time she needs me.
I don't care what house or what job or what state or who's with me.
I just want to be able to be her dad anytime she needs me.

not feeling bad every time I think about that is my dream.

[MrsKol]

in ten years, I would like to be a painter. I am hoping that what I am doing now and hopefully on the path, will enable me to ensure money in the bank, mainly the mortgage and other debts be paid off, so if anything happens to Kol, I won't be wondering where the next meal will be coming from for the kids.
The painting I want to do is specialized with Interior Designers/decorators. I fighure in 10 years, the kids will need me more than ever, with peer pressure and all, so with the painting, I could make my own hours and be home at critical times.

[Barbie]

Originally posted by MuffyTheVampyreLayer
So I ask you, do you know where you want to be in 10 years, and are you on the right path to getting there?

I don't like thinking that far into the future.

10 years ago I thought I would be dead by now. My vision has not come true to this day.

In ten years, I suspect I'll be in an insane asylum.

Or is that my life now?

[3MTA3]

In ten years I will be Lord of all Humans!!

[MAC]

good thing I'm from Texas
everyone knows we're not human

[SatansLeftHand]

damn straight!

[Mudflap]

For the first time in my life, I have a pretty solid idea of where I'll be and what I'll be doing 10 years from now. Surprisingly enough, it might actually be what I want. And if it ain't, you all must die.

[ms. bing]

i finally am in a place in my life where i know where i want to be in 10 years and i am working directly for it. i will be teaching. i would like to be here in the u.s., even if im back in the u.s. after having taught overseas. i would like to own a home, a cute little austin style one story ranch house with about one acre just outside of the city. i dont have to be living in austin, but ill be happier there than anyplace else ive seen. with eva and ... her brother. its funny but i keep having dreams that i have a son as well. i dont ever see a husband, but i do see a son. us and the dogs, going to the park, the lake, hanging out on the weekends. soccer games or karate tournaments, parent teacher conferences with me on both sides of the table. it would also be nice to be published then, and maybe have a little money to do research in the summer or a some writing.
its not what i had planned 10 years ago, but its a happy dream. its what i want, and of this im sure.

[gone away]

ten years huh?

one of my major deficits is not acting for my future. laziness, fear of taking risks, an almost overwhelming dislike for every profession i can think of entering, and of course my disdain for the way society is structured are the main factors in my lack of foresight and positive actions

besides my shortcomings, thinking of the future always brings up within me the fear that i have no control over anything, that at any moment world catastophes or a car accident could halt my dreams in my tracks. cockeyed optimist that i am ;)

but, what i'd like is simple, a wife, two kids, a house in a nice place (australia springs to mind), and a 40 hour a week job that challenges and that i don't dread going to

unfortunately.. i don't think i'm on any track, good or bad... just coasting.. waiting for a couple things to happen so i don't have to do anything scary just yet

i lead a charmed life :) (my gallbladder comes out on wednesday too... sweet)

[Koliedrus]

Originally posted by MrsKol
...so if anything happens to Kol...

That puts things in perspective. I suppose my first goal for 2014 is to be alive.

If I can help to make Mrs. Kol's dream a reality, hers might allow me to break through a membrane of fear that keeps me from giving back some of the mental food I consume. Perhaps I'll start with a short story and deal with it from there.

I promised my daughter that I would teach her how to drive. If fossil fuels become memories instead of resources (and I hope they do), that future lesson might be as important as a jet pilot knowing how to fly a biplane. At this rate, she will be teaching me in ten years.

Ten years is a long time only when that decade of time has just begun. Looking back on it takes only a few short moments of retrospect. The details of a past decade are easily forgotten. The moments that lead up to the end of a decade can either make the past look wonderful or nightmarish.

Perhaps I will die. Nothing says that I won't. If I can provide some momentum to those I love so that they can carry it along then 2014 will be a good year.

I look forward to it.

[Venus]

In 10 years, hopefully I'll be starting out in a good job, with the degree for it in hand. Maybe even a couple years of expierence by then, who knows. I want to have a small townhouse (not that I honestly think that'll happen, but I'll at least have an apartment), a newer car that doesn't need work every month. My daughter will be 12, so she'll be starting to go through "changes" oh boy....
I hope to have a steady man in our lives, not nessissarily a husband, but a man I share my life with that I'm not worried about losing. The most important thing there is that degree (I'm starting school summer semester cause I missed the deadline for spring) that I'll need to get the job to provide the other stuff for my daughter.

[PB]

I keep thinking about what I was doing ten years ago. I was in high school. And at that point in time, I'd have never thought I'd be doing what I'm doing now. Mostly in a negative way. I thought I'd have a degree by now, and I don't. I thought I'd have something I love doing everyday, and I don't. Infact, I thought there would be a lot of things in my life that aren't.

ten years from now, my son with be 14, and that is a terrifying thought... As I'd imagine it'll be about that time to start carrying a gun to my door to scare off all the girls that will be chasing him.

In ten years.. I'd like to be happy and healthy, as well as the same for all those that I love so dearly.

Sometimes I'd rather not think about ten years from now, but in ten years turn around and say.... hmmmm... so that was what i was doing then. Maybe I'll die before then. maybe not.

PB

[mute]

In 10 years I hope to have a lead part in making my own movies and games.

On a different note, I've had a lot of those 'thoughts at 6am' and it's not healthy. Though it's different, it doesn't change much. I'm starting into 3D animation now on a program called Maya, and it involves a lot of technical crap. My teacher was introducing it to us today, and said something along these lines:

"It's not all about knowing what buttons to push. You have to use your imagination and the 12 Principles of Animation. Always keep that in mind. Don't get caught up on the technical side of it or it will pretty much be worthless. Because even the creators of the software, or the best animators out there, still haven't mastered the technical side."

We're all about knowing what buttons to push. I think there's gonna be a war.

[Billyman]

I must confess that I wont be even be concerned with tommorow until it get's here.