Questions in need of answers...

[Koliedrus]

I'm not completely convinced that the title of the site fairly represents its contents: http://www.goodquotes.com/

The "Funny Thoughts" were actually quite sad when viewed as a whole.

Does anyone want to tackle some of these questions or should I go it alone?

(Sorry for the run-on formatting. Copy-paste)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------


How do you throw away a garbage can?
Why in baseball is it called the World Series if it is only played in the U.S.A?
Why do old men have hair in their ears?
Why are buttons on guys' shirts on a different side than girls' shirts?
If bunnies don't lay eggs why is it on Easter that we hide eggs from the Easter Bunny?
Why are things typed up but written down?
How come u can kill a deer and put it on your wall but its a illegal to keep them as a pet?
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?
If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?
If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
What does OK actually mean?
what does the K in K-mart actually stand for?
Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down?
Why can't you eat pancakes for dinner?
Why do donuts have holes?
Why do the numbers on a phone go one way and the numbers on the calculator go the other?
Why don't you hear thunder with heat lightning?
Is light still faster than sound when it's going through your TV, and if so, when you get a live broadcast from China or something shouldn't all the sounds come after the actions?
Do the different "M&M's"® colors taste different?
If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days?
If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?
If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?
Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?
Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?
Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille?
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Why is the abbreviation for pound lb. when l or b isn't in the word pound?
Why do the call the angel of death an angel if all it does is bring pain and suffering?
Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up?
If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm?
If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government?
If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?
Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests?
Why does everyone speak different languages and have different accents if we all originally came from the same place?
Why do they call it a RUNNING BACK when he is running foward?
If you tell someone they are being judgmental arnt you being judgmental yourself?
Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?
How come no matter what color the liquid is the froth is always white?
Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
Why do they call them guidance counselors when all counselors do is offer guidance?
Why do they call it "head over heels in love" If our head is always over our heels?
Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?
Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
If someone can't see, they're blind and if someone cant hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell?
How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?
Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?
Why is it called a TV set when theres only one?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
How did the headless horseman know where he was going?
Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down?
Why is it called football when you hardly use your feet?
How come some Little Debbie snack cakes come in a twin pack and others are wrapped individually?
Do cows drink milk?
Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick'name?
If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out??
What is a male ladybug called?

[Escape Artist]

Most of these are pretty easy, just too tired to do them. :p

[Koliedrus]

Like I don't let a thread grow mold before responding sometimes.

[Escape Artist]

Bad Kol?

[SimpleSimon]

Originally posted by Koliedrus
I'm not completely convinced that the title of the site fairly represents its contents: http://www.goodquotes.com/

The "Funny Thoughts" were actually quite sad when viewed as a whole.

Does anyone want to tackle some of these questions or should I go it alone?

(Sorry for the run-on formatting. Copy-paste)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------


How do you throw away a garbage can? Place can against side of garage or a tree, run into it with the car, squashing it flat. Place squashed can in new can on next scheduled trash pickup day.

Why in baseball is it called the World Series if it is only played in the U.S.A? Good question.

Why do old men have hair in their ears? Or bushy eyebrows? Or thick hair growing from their nostrils? Simple answer - it's part of the aging process.

Why are buttons on guys' shirts on a different side than girls' shirts? So that young men don't fumble so much in the dark back seats of cars.

If bunnies don't lay eggs why is it on Easter that we hide eggs from the Easter Bunny? ???

Why are things typed up but written down? Because in mechanical typewriters the individual arms with the letters/numbers on them swung upward when the keys were struck, and most people write on paper lying flat with their hand above it.

How come u can kill a deer and put it on your wall but its a illegal to keep them as a pet? You can't?

Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing? No idea

In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end? Traditionally, so that the reader might have a handy place to write his thoughts as he read.

If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound? The speed of sound is a relative quantity - for the moving column of air within the fuselage of the plane it must be measured relative to the airframe, thus one cannot walk faster than the speed of sound.

If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? Excellent question. The answer depends upon which of several cosmological theories you embrace.

What does OK actually mean? Oklahoma

what does the K in K-mart actually stand for? Kresge, the surname of the founder.

Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down? 2 excellent questions - next.

Why can't you eat pancakes for dinner? You can.

Why do donuts have holes? So the dough will cook more evenly and quickly

Why do the numbers on a phone go one way and the numbers on the calculator go the other? Who cares?

Why don't you hear thunder with heat lightning? You don't?

Is light still faster than sound when it's going through your TV, and if so, when you get a live broadcast from China or something shouldn't all the sounds come after the actions? No

Do the different "M&M's"® colors taste different? No

If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days? No. Midnight, 12:00:00 AM, is defined as the opening second of the new day.

If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard? Yes, indeed it is.

If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles? It's all a matter of perspective - look at Cruise's avatar.

Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill? ???

Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"? Cause it sounds stupid?

Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille? No

How do you handcuff a one-armed man? It ain't easy, I can tell you that

Why is the abbreviation for pound lb. when l or b isn't in the word pound? I think it is from the latin word for approximately the same weight.

Why do the call the angel of death an angel if all it does is bring pain and suffering? Uhhhh - cause he is an angel? Angels come in good and bad forms and roles, according to christian mythology.

Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up? Because the empty portion of the bottle is filled with a saturated vapor of the solvent of the glue in air, if the bottle is sealed.

If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm? Might be.

If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government? One might hope so.

If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you? Indecisive - see my sig.

Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests? I have no idea.

Why does everyone speak different languages and have different accents if we all originally came from the same place? Might it be the passage of time and its effects on isolated populations?

Why do they call it a RUNNING BACK when he is running foward? Ask someone who cares.

If you tell someone they are being judgmental arnt you being judgmental yourself? Of course.

Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body? Cause in the middle of it is the bottom end of your alimentary canal, and since shit rolls downhill, that is the bottom of your personal hill.

How come no matter what color the liquid is the froth is always white? No idea.

Why do British people never sound British when they sing? They don't?

Why do they call them guidance counselors when all counselors do is offer guidance? Shhhh! Don't give away the scam!

Why do they call it "head over heels in love" If our head is always over our heels? Because it isn't always over our heels, and the emotional turmoil leaves one feeling tumbled about.

Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane? No - a corpse is not a person.

Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia? Damned good question.

If someone can't see, they're blind and if someone cant hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell? Anosmic?

How do they get those boats in those glass bottles? It's an illusion.

Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly? No idea.

Why is it called a TV set when theres only one? Cause it is a set of components acting as a system dedicated to a specific task.

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? What scale are we measuring with?

How did the headless horseman know where he was going? Psychic powers.

Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down? Never thought about it.

Why is it called football when you hardly use your feet? Fine question.

How come some Little Debbie snack cakes come in a twin pack and others are wrapped individually? No idea.

Do cows drink milk? Yes{b]

Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick'name?[/b] Yes

If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? Not usually.

Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out?? Ask one of them.

What is a male ladybug called? ???

[Koliedrus]

Dammit! Simon beat me to the punch (line). While he was busy posting his, here's what I came up with.

(Note: I'm posting these before I've read Simon's.)



How do you throw away a garbage can?
If your trash collector can read, a sign works. Otherwise, run over it with your car a few times and bag it.
Why in baseball is it called the World Series if it is only played in the U.S.A?
Ego boost. Then came the Japanese teams...
Why do old men have hair in their ears?
It starts when you're born and you forget about it. Like colon polyps.
Why are buttons on guys' shirts on a different side than girls' shirts?
So guys know can tell the difference between a festive shirt and a girly shirt
If bunnies don't lay eggs why is it on Easter that we hide eggs from the Easter Bunny?
I'm not sure about the bunny but the egg represents rebirth
Why are things typed up but written down?
You look up when you type and down when you write
How come u can kill a deer and put it on your wall but its a illegal to keep them as a pet?
They're harder to manage when they're alive
Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing?
They don't. One comes before the other
In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end?
To balance the crap inserted by the publishers at the beginning
If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound?
In reference to the air outside of the plane, yes. Take a class
If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
Tough one. It just needs a name
What does OK actually mean?
Google candidate
what does the K in K-mart actually stand for?
See above
Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down?
Blue represents looking into a cloudless sky. Smurfs are cartoon characters
Why can't you eat pancakes for dinner?
You can
Why do donuts have holes?
They're bagel wannabes
Why do the numbers on a phone go one way and the numbers on the calculator go the other?
By the time we got it right, people were set in their ways
Why don't you hear thunder with heat lightning?
Google candidate
Is light still faster than sound when it's going through your TV, and if so, when you get a live broadcast from China or something shouldn't all the sounds come after the actions?
TV transmissions are broadcast at radio frequencies. The sounds and pictures are converted into light waves before transmission. Go back to school. Do not pass "Go"
Do the different "M&M's"® colors taste different?
No
If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days?
No. You were born at the beginning of a day
If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard?
Yes, a rock is still hard. The "hard place" represents a circumstance
If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?
One is difficult while the other is easy. I can spell "LOSER"
Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill?
It's a reference to one's home. Home is always at the top
Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"?
Parents hate to leave their children so they draw it out into two syllables. A long "Hiiiiiiiii!" repairs the time apart. That and "Hi Hi" just sounds silly
Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille?
Google candidate
How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
Belt loop. If he's naked, sit on him and call for a paddy wagon
Why is the abbreviation for pound lb. when l or b isn't in the word pound?
I used to know this. Google candidate
Why do the call the angel of death an angel if all it does is bring pain and suffering?
Angels were created before humans. Each has a personality and function. Lucifer is still an angel even though he fell. Don't get me started (Oh yeah! You didn't. I did ;)
Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up?
Look up "evaporation" and go back to school
If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm?
Only if the water was brought to Luke's body temperature
If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government?
Cyclic but yes. That's my final answer.
If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you?
Neither. You're a potential patient
Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests?
Atlas and heartache
Why does everyone speak different languages and have different accents
if we all originally came from the same place?
Time
Why do they call it a RUNNING BACK when he is running foward?
I... don't know
If you tell someone they are being judgmental arnt you being judgmental yourself?
Perhaps. I also know a white guy when I see one
Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?
It's the end of your digestive system
How come no matter what color the liquid is the froth is always white?
Aside from the fact that it isn't always white, once you froth a solution, the bubbles of air diffuse the surrounding liquid and stretch it so that light does it's natural thing. The surface of the bubble defracts the light and pelts the rods and cones of your eye with the "white" light that hit it in the first place. Go to school but you're learning. That's a good thing
Why do British people never sound British when they sing?
Forced annunciation.
Why do they call them guidance counselors when all counselors do is offer guidance?
Someone has to. Some are actually selfless for your benefit. Go figure.
Why do they call it "head over heels in love" If our head is always over our heels?
Cartwheels
Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?
I'm not sure of your local laws but I pull over to the side of the road when I see a funeral procession. As far as I'm concerned, a hearse can drive in any lane it wants.
Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia?
AHHH! :eek:
If someone can't see, they're blind and if someone cant hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell?
Conjested
How do they get those boats in those glass bottles?
Patience
Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly?
Because he can. You can do 50 push-ups but look where you are.
Why is it called a TV set when theres only one?
"Setup" and "Set Top" require an extra syllable of thought
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
If it's 32 degrees and will be twice as cold tomorrow... Back to school...
How did the headless horseman know where he was going?
He was supernatural
Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down?
No one got around to "declinator"
Why is it called football when you hardly use your feet?
Soccer fan, eh?
How come some Little Debbie snack cakes come in a twin pack and others are wrapped individually?
If you want two Bear Claws or one Nutty Bar, you have an eating disorder
Do cows drink milk?
Only if forced to. The calves don't count.
Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick'name?
Anyone can have a nickname
If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth?
No. We haven't gotten around to that yet
Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out??
Nothing. Too much TV. Go back to school
What is a male ladybug called?
A ladybug


Well, that was easy.

[morgana]

<font color="lime">um...i actually know some of these:

doughnuts have holes because when they were first invented, it was by a ship's captain in the 1700's ( i think) who had a sweet tooth. however, he was constantly on deck and couldn't keep after his plates of cake. so he charged the chip's cook with discovering a way to make him cakes that had handles and wouldn't need a plate. thus the doughnut was born.

OK is actually from a political figure from america, can't remember who. i think it was his initials, and it was part of his campaign slogan- "everything's going to be OK!" i learned about it in 8th grade history class.

old men and old women have hair in their ears because they've ALWAYS had hair in their ears. your ears and your nose continue to grow after puberty, and the hair that's inside of them grows exponentially with them.

buttons on guys' and girls' shirts are on different sides because back in the day we didn't have different departments in clothing stores. they put the buttons on different sides so you can tell them apart from each other.

eggs are hidden on easter because it is the holiday celebrating eostre, goddess of the spring. the rabbit is her sigil, and eggs represent fertility and birth, and that's what easter celebrates- the rebirth of the earth.

there are blank pages at the end of a book because the pages in books have to be even for the binding process.

weight of the world on our shoulders- when we feel stressed, we have a tendency to hunch up, as if there were an invisible weight there. getting things off of our chest- when you relieve yourself of a mental burden, doesn't your chest feel looser and lighter?

we call it an escelator because it increases the speed of our travel up or down floors.

that's all, folks.



</font>

[Torque]

I didnt read closely, but did notice the world series question.

What about the Toronto team?

[zim]

Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?
No - a corpse is not a person.

Funeral processions have right of way, so basically... yes they can.

[Koliedrus]

/me high-fives Simon.

Win.

[SimpleSimon]

Originally posted by ZiM
Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?
No - a corpse is not a person.

Funeral processions have right of way, so basically... yes they can.

Not in this state. Diamond lanes, or dedicated HOV lanes are off limits to funeral processions.

[zim]

insensitive lawmakers you have

[SimpleSimon]

Originally posted by ZiM
insensitive lawmakers you have

Insensitive funeral attendee's you have. The guys dead; what the hell is the hurry, and why should he obstruct traffic?

[Koliedrus]

I found out only recently that my habit of pulling to the right and turning on my headlights has nothing whatsoever to do with legalities; just respect.

I live near a cemetary so it happens regularly. My important missions to return a video or get a loaf of bread can wait a minute.

I've burried two traffic-stoppers. One was my Father. Traffic stopped for the survivors. If it hadn't, I would have a different outlook on humanity as a whole. Cops saluted with tears in their eyes. Still, I have trouble getting into the Christmas spirit.

The other was a friend whom I thought of as my little brother. His mom asked me to lead the procession. I was in no hurry to lead him to his final resting place. The cars that pulled over and turned on their lights... well, it made it difficult to see the road.

Sometimes we do things not because a law tells us that we have to. Sometimes we're empathetic. Sometimes I pull over, turn my lights on and crank some tunes so I won't feel too much from the people passing by as they take someone important in their lives to the end of the road.

It's not a law and I'm glad. It's my choice.

[SimpleSimon]

Originally posted by Koliedrus
I found out only recently that my habit of pulling to the right and turning on my headlights has nothing whatsoever to do with legalities; just respect.....(snip)

...Sometimes we do things not because a law tells us that we have to. Sometimes we're empathetic. Sometimes I pull over, turn my lights on and crank some tunes so I won't feel too much from the people passing by as they take someone important in their lives to the end of the road.

It's not a law and I'm glad. It's my choice.


Exactly.

[Mudflap]

Call me insensitive, but I feel no obligation to pull over to the side of the road when passing a funeral procession. Thousands of people die everyday. I feel my efforts are better spent showing people respect while they are alive, rather than making an empty gesture once they've died.

[MAC]

see, mudflap, thats your problem

you have this clear-cut sense of "reality"

COME LIVE IN THE MYTHICAL PLAYLAND WE ALL CALL EARTH!!!''

Its ok to hang on to non-existant things as a form of respect and addicition....
and you NEED to involve yourself in immaterial and fraudulantly emotional daily trivialitys and call that a LIFE

as the old saying goes

"come to where the flavor is"

[Koliedrus]

I like being sensative. It makes me different. That's kinda sad now that I think about it.

I think I'll give a shit about someone at random this week. Drive-by kindness?

Eh, it's a thought.