mute
10-21-2002, 12:29 AM
This past Friday I finished my first project that we will be graded on. I'm proud of myself because I spent just as much time on this project as I did with a video game. But I ended up asking myself, did I try hard enough? I was happy with what I produced, I learned a lot and plus I got some help from a friend. I started asking myself that question when doing the written presentation of my project, which wasn't a huge percentage of the project. While getting my final work printed a classmate had a nice cover page with images from his project. So I mimiced that idea in my own way. And I found a written presentation with images in it, it was a girl's in my class. It was so nicely presented with the images and was written real good, double mine. I didn't bother going that far into the project, but it made me ask myself that question. Did I try hard enough?
Do I spend every waking moment working towards that dream, bot even giving up for social activity? It's beyond me how hard it will be to produce the stories in my head visually to the world. Part of that dream is from the friends I've met and the places I've been, a continuing dream. So I need the social activity, I think everyone needs it. I've stedily balanced both social function and work. Work as in learning to make my dreams becoming real, or as close to real as they can become. But seeing other people's work made me think, maybe I have to focus that one thing dropping everything else around me off the face of my world. It frightens me, because doing that would make me utterly depressed and stressed out. I already stressed myself too hard. My work had to be perfect and I needed to spend more time on it to make it perfect.
patience my young lad, you have atleast a minimum of 20 years to produce something good
Friday night I chilled with my friends. Smoked some bud and played SOCOM: U.S. Navy Seals and killed the Al Queda brothers. Sollows and Paul decided to go splits on a gram of coke with Woo, my roomates boyfriend. We continued to chill, I myself not doing any coke. We went and chilled at Milton's and Andrew's place above us. Milton was 'downtown' drinking, and as we were sitting down to play 4 player NHL 2003 Andrew got a call.
"Hold up a sec Milton," said.
Andrew could hear yelling in the background and Milton yelling, "J.P. no don't do that," and then the phone hung up.
Andrew got a call back and Milton, Lil' Ry and J.P. got jumped. Andrew got up and said he was on his way out there to help. Paul and Sollows decided to too so I joined in too, I couldn't stay back and not help my friends. We grabbed a roll of coins each and jet. We went outside and walked up the street to meet Milton who had a black eye. Found J.P. with his shirt off and a broken broom stick and finally found Lil Ry.
Story is they were outside of the bar and a lady walked up to them and started chattin with them, and guy followed and Milton got mouthy telling him to "beat it you geek". He followed with a "you don't know who I am" and then waved down 15 of his friends. The odds were 15 to 3 and they started scrapping somehow. They got split up in the whole ordeal, Ry ended up getting his head stomped on the concrete ground. By looks of it those 15 guys didn't give a bad beating, Ry had a headache, he lost his leather jacket and Milton had a black eye.
We went back home and they decided to find out where these guys went. Somehow they found a bald guy that was recognized in the crowd of the skirmish at a party down the road. My roomate came home drunk and asked me if I wanted to smoke a joint, and right when that happened they called from upstairs asking us to "get ready". I told her I was going with them, but then I contemplated that decision. Either to go or stay home with her. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. I asked her if she wanted to smoke a joint. She said yes, and then decided to go call her boyfriend(or some other guy) instead and go to bed.
So then I was stuck backing up my friends. I wasn't much friends with Milton and J.P., but I wasn't pussing out and leaving my friends to go battle without me. So we walked over to this oblivious party and walked right into a house none of us have ever been to. It was a pretty big party and we headed into the kitchen where Milton, J.P. and Lil began to talk with these people I've never seen before. I had my hands in my jacket pocket with my right hand clenching a role of pennies. Paul and Sollows had a roll each too, and the others had lead pipes in the back of theirs pants. Paul, Sollows, Andrew and I just stood there in silence waiting for something to explode.
Tell ya right now, I've never been in a fight, none the less a skirmish. The bald dude was there, but he had nothing to do with the fight they had gotten into earlier that night. So nothing was to be done and we left. It was 4am and for the rest of the night I smoked joints and talked to my buds Sollows and Paul who continued to sniff their coke. They're not you stereotypical hippy bums who do coke every chance they get some cash. Sollows loves it, but he knows he can't afford it. He's an alcoholic instead and admitted it to us that night too. And who knows where he'll be 10 years from now. Probably filling up people's propane tanks.
don't worry about them lad, no matter what they're still your friends and they would have backed you up like you were backing them up
it's true
Saturday I headed home to Fall River. I love it at home, sleeping on my couch in the back room or otherwise known as The Hole. I wanted to drink that night with my fellow thugs and hicks of Fall River. Drinking around a bon-fire or at a party at someone's house. The bon fire idea was scrapped since it started raining, and Hilchie stole all 5 of the girl. Leading him and a couple of his boys to drink at his house. Shitty thing is he didn't want a lot of people at his house, meaning 20 other drunken guys there. And I wasn't being the one showing up with other fellas uninvited, it's just disrespectful and I know the exact same feeling.
So we ended up driving around in the rain, me, Louey, Dave(or otherwise known as Pissyboy) and Bigney. There was nothing to do except go drink in an unfurnished and empty house, atleast the wind and the slight rain was with me to comfort me. While standing outsdie Dave's house on a hilltop road, smoking a cigarette looking at the dark cloud shrouded night I missed something. Cell towers lit the horizen sky and street light lit up the town at the base of the forestry hills. I didn't know what I exactly missed, but I missed being a small kid. The age where you couldn't drive yet, you couldn't go to these places young adults go have 'fun' at. The age when you walked around the town you lived in going to secluded places with friends and girls, trying to keep out of sight of adults and cops. Smoking weed and drinking booze your brother bought you with his fake I.D.. A place where you always knew friends would be at.
you're still a kid, with a monthly thousand dollar allowance
We ended up going back to my house to smoke a gram, and watch hockey and Total Recall on TV. I went to bed in the guest room seeing 3 of my friends were sleeping on the 'couch'. I couldn't sleep for some reason and I talked myself to sleep. I was staring out the window. Not at anything perticular really, just looking across the lake at the street lights on the road, with the clouds over head. As a gust of wind blew I kind of realized something there in an odd surreal way. I was put here for some special reason, but I would live my life like everyone else on this planet that is lost on a path somewhere in this universe. It kind of comforted me a depressed sort of way, seeing how I wasn't put here for a special reason. I wouldn't be some divine power.
Then, some other sorrow feeling came to me when watching all this stuff on the news about a sniper, North Korea making nukes, and what the fuck is Saddam planning? It seems kind of inevitable that a world war will not happen in the near future. Who knows what the fuck is going to happen, but for some reason I got this feeling my life will be completely different in the next 10 years.
no, you're right. your life is going to be different
Do I spend every waking moment working towards that dream, bot even giving up for social activity? It's beyond me how hard it will be to produce the stories in my head visually to the world. Part of that dream is from the friends I've met and the places I've been, a continuing dream. So I need the social activity, I think everyone needs it. I've stedily balanced both social function and work. Work as in learning to make my dreams becoming real, or as close to real as they can become. But seeing other people's work made me think, maybe I have to focus that one thing dropping everything else around me off the face of my world. It frightens me, because doing that would make me utterly depressed and stressed out. I already stressed myself too hard. My work had to be perfect and I needed to spend more time on it to make it perfect.
patience my young lad, you have atleast a minimum of 20 years to produce something good
Friday night I chilled with my friends. Smoked some bud and played SOCOM: U.S. Navy Seals and killed the Al Queda brothers. Sollows and Paul decided to go splits on a gram of coke with Woo, my roomates boyfriend. We continued to chill, I myself not doing any coke. We went and chilled at Milton's and Andrew's place above us. Milton was 'downtown' drinking, and as we were sitting down to play 4 player NHL 2003 Andrew got a call.
"Hold up a sec Milton," said.
Andrew could hear yelling in the background and Milton yelling, "J.P. no don't do that," and then the phone hung up.
Andrew got a call back and Milton, Lil' Ry and J.P. got jumped. Andrew got up and said he was on his way out there to help. Paul and Sollows decided to too so I joined in too, I couldn't stay back and not help my friends. We grabbed a roll of coins each and jet. We went outside and walked up the street to meet Milton who had a black eye. Found J.P. with his shirt off and a broken broom stick and finally found Lil Ry.
Story is they were outside of the bar and a lady walked up to them and started chattin with them, and guy followed and Milton got mouthy telling him to "beat it you geek". He followed with a "you don't know who I am" and then waved down 15 of his friends. The odds were 15 to 3 and they started scrapping somehow. They got split up in the whole ordeal, Ry ended up getting his head stomped on the concrete ground. By looks of it those 15 guys didn't give a bad beating, Ry had a headache, he lost his leather jacket and Milton had a black eye.
We went back home and they decided to find out where these guys went. Somehow they found a bald guy that was recognized in the crowd of the skirmish at a party down the road. My roomate came home drunk and asked me if I wanted to smoke a joint, and right when that happened they called from upstairs asking us to "get ready". I told her I was going with them, but then I contemplated that decision. Either to go or stay home with her. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me on the cheek. I asked her if she wanted to smoke a joint. She said yes, and then decided to go call her boyfriend(or some other guy) instead and go to bed.
So then I was stuck backing up my friends. I wasn't much friends with Milton and J.P., but I wasn't pussing out and leaving my friends to go battle without me. So we walked over to this oblivious party and walked right into a house none of us have ever been to. It was a pretty big party and we headed into the kitchen where Milton, J.P. and Lil began to talk with these people I've never seen before. I had my hands in my jacket pocket with my right hand clenching a role of pennies. Paul and Sollows had a roll each too, and the others had lead pipes in the back of theirs pants. Paul, Sollows, Andrew and I just stood there in silence waiting for something to explode.
Tell ya right now, I've never been in a fight, none the less a skirmish. The bald dude was there, but he had nothing to do with the fight they had gotten into earlier that night. So nothing was to be done and we left. It was 4am and for the rest of the night I smoked joints and talked to my buds Sollows and Paul who continued to sniff their coke. They're not you stereotypical hippy bums who do coke every chance they get some cash. Sollows loves it, but he knows he can't afford it. He's an alcoholic instead and admitted it to us that night too. And who knows where he'll be 10 years from now. Probably filling up people's propane tanks.
don't worry about them lad, no matter what they're still your friends and they would have backed you up like you were backing them up
it's true
Saturday I headed home to Fall River. I love it at home, sleeping on my couch in the back room or otherwise known as The Hole. I wanted to drink that night with my fellow thugs and hicks of Fall River. Drinking around a bon-fire or at a party at someone's house. The bon fire idea was scrapped since it started raining, and Hilchie stole all 5 of the girl. Leading him and a couple of his boys to drink at his house. Shitty thing is he didn't want a lot of people at his house, meaning 20 other drunken guys there. And I wasn't being the one showing up with other fellas uninvited, it's just disrespectful and I know the exact same feeling.
So we ended up driving around in the rain, me, Louey, Dave(or otherwise known as Pissyboy) and Bigney. There was nothing to do except go drink in an unfurnished and empty house, atleast the wind and the slight rain was with me to comfort me. While standing outsdie Dave's house on a hilltop road, smoking a cigarette looking at the dark cloud shrouded night I missed something. Cell towers lit the horizen sky and street light lit up the town at the base of the forestry hills. I didn't know what I exactly missed, but I missed being a small kid. The age where you couldn't drive yet, you couldn't go to these places young adults go have 'fun' at. The age when you walked around the town you lived in going to secluded places with friends and girls, trying to keep out of sight of adults and cops. Smoking weed and drinking booze your brother bought you with his fake I.D.. A place where you always knew friends would be at.
you're still a kid, with a monthly thousand dollar allowance
We ended up going back to my house to smoke a gram, and watch hockey and Total Recall on TV. I went to bed in the guest room seeing 3 of my friends were sleeping on the 'couch'. I couldn't sleep for some reason and I talked myself to sleep. I was staring out the window. Not at anything perticular really, just looking across the lake at the street lights on the road, with the clouds over head. As a gust of wind blew I kind of realized something there in an odd surreal way. I was put here for some special reason, but I would live my life like everyone else on this planet that is lost on a path somewhere in this universe. It kind of comforted me a depressed sort of way, seeing how I wasn't put here for a special reason. I wouldn't be some divine power.
Then, some other sorrow feeling came to me when watching all this stuff on the news about a sniper, North Korea making nukes, and what the fuck is Saddam planning? It seems kind of inevitable that a world war will not happen in the near future. Who knows what the fuck is going to happen, but for some reason I got this feeling my life will be completely different in the next 10 years.
no, you're right. your life is going to be different