Asmodeus
01-06-2001, 06:26 AM
I used to work with the Austin Police Dept. I was an psuedo outside consultant, if you will. I got to ride in the back seat of the patrol cars. And no, I was not in cuffs. So HA! It was more like an audit position. Long story...
Anyway, there we were, riding around. We get a domestic disturbance call in an apartment complex by UT Austin. Basic procedure on double D calls, expect anything.
So we went up to the apartment in question. I was behind the two cops, as I was unarmed. They had their hands on their guns, just in case. We knocked on the door and identified ourselves. A very cute little girl of maybe 18 answered the door. Her eyes were red, there were tears streaming down her cheeks. We thought she was crying. She wasn't. She tried to talk, but all she could do was laugh. She was grabbing her sides like her ribs were hurting her from laughing so hard. She tried again and stammered out, in between laughs and squeels, "B..."laugh", "ba", squeel, "...bath...bathroom". And she walked back to the couch and began laughing anew. Her knees at her chin and her forehead resting on her knees she was laughing so hard it looked painful.
We just looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders because we didn't know what was going on. So we went to the bathroom. The door was open and we walked straight on in.
There was the roomate, a very beautiful woman of maybe 20 years, and quite well endowed upstairs, if you know what I mean, in the bathtub, naked, and contorted in a strange position. She was on her hands and feet, but backwards, with her knees facing the faucet of the shower and her tits facing the ceiling. Well, she was closer to the faucet than that.
Apparently she had been taking a shower, alone, and saw the faucet and thought that it would feel pretty good "down there" with water coming out of it. So she maneuvered herself and inserted it. She did tell us that it felt pretty good, but a tad on the large side.
The problem came when she tried to extract the faucet from herself. It had become stuck inside her.
She told us that she had been in that position for, what she thought, was three hours before her roomate showed up. She did manage to turn off the water.
Well, when she heard her roomate come home she called out. Her roomate walked in, saw the situation the girl had gotten herself into, and broke into hysterics. According to the roomate in the bathtub, it had taken the girl almost an hour to phone the police. So, we got the call.
We tried to cover the girl with a towel but it kept sliding off and down, exposing her. She told us nevermind. We had already seen all we could see, "Just get me the hell off!!!" So, we tried.
Now get this, four people in a bathtub, three men and a nubile young woman, is a crowd. But we managed to get all of us in there, with some creative contorting ourselves. In no time we were all wet and sweating.
We tried to lift her up and slide her off, but she said that hurt. We tried lifting her to the side, she said that wasn't working. We tried to get her to pump and wiggle her hips, but she just looked at us funny. We were stumped. So, we called the fire department. They have more experience in plumbing than cops do you know.
Well, two showed up, all decked out in full regalia. Note: we were all breathing hard. After trying unsuccessfully to get the girl off, we all went into the living room where the other roomate was. She looked at us, all wet, and started laughing again. We looked at each other and joined her. Well, the fire guys showed up, took one look at her then looked at us, and we started to crack up again. The fire guys didn't know what was going on. Anyway, we all went into the bathroom. The fire guys just looked at the girl in the tub for the longest time. Then they looked at us, we looked back and started laughing again. The fire guys did the same and then we heard a voice from the living room, "Quit making me laugh. Oh God it hurts!" That started us laughing more.
Well, now we had five guys and one nubile, limber, woman in a bathroom, all to ourselves. And you want to talk about some sever creative contorting getting five guys into a bathtub with a woman. But, the two cops and I had, by that time, recovered enough and were ready for some more.
Well, we tried everything we could think of, and even some of the things the firemen had done once or twice, but to no avail. We could not get the girl off. That left us no choice. We called the maintaince guy, a liscenced plummer, to see if he knew some tricks we didn't.
He walked into the apartment. There we were, two cops, two firemen, the roomate, and myself in the living room, holding our sides, trying not to laugh. He walked in and we started laughing again.
We were finally able to stop long enough to escort the plummer to the bathroom. Now get this, six guys and one girl in a bathroom. That got all of us laughing again. We heard a thump from the living room, we turned to look. The roomate on the couch had laughed herself silly. She had tried to stand up but passed out. I guess she wasn't up to the challenge of six men at one time.
We diverted our attention back to the poor little girl all alone in the bathtub. Six guys and one girl in a bathtub, a standard size bathtub, is impossible, unless the guys are midgets. Anyway, we poked and prodded, bucked and bamboozeled, did it this way and that way, we did everything anyone in the history of man had thought of.
The plummer was a store of new ideas and techniques but we just could not get this girl off. We even tried Karma Sutra. But to no avail.
There was no choice in the matter. We absolutly had to get the girl off. So...the plummer had to shut the water off the pipes, break into the wall and cut the pipe. Oh, by this time we had called the paramedics and they showed up with a gurney.
With the installation of two new guys to the equation, we began laughing again. The roomate in the living room was still passed out. The girl in the tub was laughing along with us, saying that we now had something to think about when we were with our wives that night(some of us were not married but we let that pass). Eight guys, a contortionist woman and a gurney in a bathroom...I had heard of kinky at that time, but damn, nothing like that.
Well, we lifted her up onto the gurney and the paramedics took her away from us. And to think, after all of that and we still couldn't get her off. What a woman.
Well, we all laughed a little while longer, woke the roomate up, laughed some more and we departed.
The cops and I back to the station to fill out reports. When we got there, right when we walked through the doors to be precise, a few of the guys walked up to us. Apparently word had gotten out about what we were doing. Well, the guys walked up to us and asked us why we didn't call for backup.
I got thinking, would have a few dozen more guys in the bathtub have helped get her off? I was not sure, and still not. What a woman.
------------------
Good shot...shoot him again.
Anyway, there we were, riding around. We get a domestic disturbance call in an apartment complex by UT Austin. Basic procedure on double D calls, expect anything.
So we went up to the apartment in question. I was behind the two cops, as I was unarmed. They had their hands on their guns, just in case. We knocked on the door and identified ourselves. A very cute little girl of maybe 18 answered the door. Her eyes were red, there were tears streaming down her cheeks. We thought she was crying. She wasn't. She tried to talk, but all she could do was laugh. She was grabbing her sides like her ribs were hurting her from laughing so hard. She tried again and stammered out, in between laughs and squeels, "B..."laugh", "ba", squeel, "...bath...bathroom". And she walked back to the couch and began laughing anew. Her knees at her chin and her forehead resting on her knees she was laughing so hard it looked painful.
We just looked at each other, shrugged our shoulders because we didn't know what was going on. So we went to the bathroom. The door was open and we walked straight on in.
There was the roomate, a very beautiful woman of maybe 20 years, and quite well endowed upstairs, if you know what I mean, in the bathtub, naked, and contorted in a strange position. She was on her hands and feet, but backwards, with her knees facing the faucet of the shower and her tits facing the ceiling. Well, she was closer to the faucet than that.
Apparently she had been taking a shower, alone, and saw the faucet and thought that it would feel pretty good "down there" with water coming out of it. So she maneuvered herself and inserted it. She did tell us that it felt pretty good, but a tad on the large side.
The problem came when she tried to extract the faucet from herself. It had become stuck inside her.
She told us that she had been in that position for, what she thought, was three hours before her roomate showed up. She did manage to turn off the water.
Well, when she heard her roomate come home she called out. Her roomate walked in, saw the situation the girl had gotten herself into, and broke into hysterics. According to the roomate in the bathtub, it had taken the girl almost an hour to phone the police. So, we got the call.
We tried to cover the girl with a towel but it kept sliding off and down, exposing her. She told us nevermind. We had already seen all we could see, "Just get me the hell off!!!" So, we tried.
Now get this, four people in a bathtub, three men and a nubile young woman, is a crowd. But we managed to get all of us in there, with some creative contorting ourselves. In no time we were all wet and sweating.
We tried to lift her up and slide her off, but she said that hurt. We tried lifting her to the side, she said that wasn't working. We tried to get her to pump and wiggle her hips, but she just looked at us funny. We were stumped. So, we called the fire department. They have more experience in plumbing than cops do you know.
Well, two showed up, all decked out in full regalia. Note: we were all breathing hard. After trying unsuccessfully to get the girl off, we all went into the living room where the other roomate was. She looked at us, all wet, and started laughing again. We looked at each other and joined her. Well, the fire guys showed up, took one look at her then looked at us, and we started to crack up again. The fire guys didn't know what was going on. Anyway, we all went into the bathroom. The fire guys just looked at the girl in the tub for the longest time. Then they looked at us, we looked back and started laughing again. The fire guys did the same and then we heard a voice from the living room, "Quit making me laugh. Oh God it hurts!" That started us laughing more.
Well, now we had five guys and one nubile, limber, woman in a bathroom, all to ourselves. And you want to talk about some sever creative contorting getting five guys into a bathtub with a woman. But, the two cops and I had, by that time, recovered enough and were ready for some more.
Well, we tried everything we could think of, and even some of the things the firemen had done once or twice, but to no avail. We could not get the girl off. That left us no choice. We called the maintaince guy, a liscenced plummer, to see if he knew some tricks we didn't.
He walked into the apartment. There we were, two cops, two firemen, the roomate, and myself in the living room, holding our sides, trying not to laugh. He walked in and we started laughing again.
We were finally able to stop long enough to escort the plummer to the bathroom. Now get this, six guys and one girl in a bathroom. That got all of us laughing again. We heard a thump from the living room, we turned to look. The roomate on the couch had laughed herself silly. She had tried to stand up but passed out. I guess she wasn't up to the challenge of six men at one time.
We diverted our attention back to the poor little girl all alone in the bathtub. Six guys and one girl in a bathtub, a standard size bathtub, is impossible, unless the guys are midgets. Anyway, we poked and prodded, bucked and bamboozeled, did it this way and that way, we did everything anyone in the history of man had thought of.
The plummer was a store of new ideas and techniques but we just could not get this girl off. We even tried Karma Sutra. But to no avail.
There was no choice in the matter. We absolutly had to get the girl off. So...the plummer had to shut the water off the pipes, break into the wall and cut the pipe. Oh, by this time we had called the paramedics and they showed up with a gurney.
With the installation of two new guys to the equation, we began laughing again. The roomate in the living room was still passed out. The girl in the tub was laughing along with us, saying that we now had something to think about when we were with our wives that night(some of us were not married but we let that pass). Eight guys, a contortionist woman and a gurney in a bathroom...I had heard of kinky at that time, but damn, nothing like that.
Well, we lifted her up onto the gurney and the paramedics took her away from us. And to think, after all of that and we still couldn't get her off. What a woman.
Well, we all laughed a little while longer, woke the roomate up, laughed some more and we departed.
The cops and I back to the station to fill out reports. When we got there, right when we walked through the doors to be precise, a few of the guys walked up to us. Apparently word had gotten out about what we were doing. Well, the guys walked up to us and asked us why we didn't call for backup.
I got thinking, would have a few dozen more guys in the bathtub have helped get her off? I was not sure, and still not. What a woman.
------------------
Good shot...shoot him again.