Hate!

[PB]

I hate it when I go to sleep and no one else is there -

I hate it when he fills me dreams -

I hate that he isn't there to make a difference in my life -

I hate the feeling of being lied to all this time -

I hate knowing that I'm better than this but wanting it anyways -

I hate the way he says her name -

I hate that he doesn't say mine anymore -

I hate feeling alone when I wake up at night -

I hate being sick and no one there to care -

I hate when I set out an extra plate which sits at the table for no reason, other than habit -

I hate that I wanted him to change, and when he did, I was what he changed -

I hate that I can't find a better topic of discussion sometimes -

I hate that he is the first and last thoughts of my day, the one where I wake up alone, and the one where i lay still at night, alone.

I hate he is the reason that I can't sleep anymore -

I hate that there are so many things I want to say to him, yet he doesn't want to hear it -

I hate that the other day I had to box up some of his things, I had forgotten were even there -

I hate even more that I had to do it by myself -

I hate thinking about the fact he might be happy, but it's not with me -

I hate knowing that he can't explain the reason all of this has happened -

I hate the answer, it just has to be this way, but not knowing why -

I hate myself for his short coming in what was "us" -

I hate the past for making him uncapable of giving me a future -

I hate living everyday knowing he is somewhere other than here -
I hate being mad at him and disappointed in him daily -

I hate the ache in my heart everytime someone asks where he is at -

I hate knowing he probably wishes that I would forget him all together -

I hate when he says he will be there and is not -

I hate that he told me things all along, and didn't do them -

I hate that I trusted he would -

I hate the darkness when it seeps into my soul --

I hate the feeling of emptiness that seems so overwhelming-

I hate knowing that even if he read this, he would merely shake his head, "stupid girl, I'll never be back" -

I hate knowing my hair will grow back out before he ever sees it again -

I hate having to answer what happened, when even I do not know -

I hate the tears that seem to flow from my eyes everytime I realize this isn't just a joke to see how much I love him, even though I wish it were -

I hate that I wrote this thread and had so many reasons to write it -

I hate the word hate, especially when it comes anywhere near him -


PB

[estero]

I find hating someone is always easier than pining over someone and loving them secretly. I don't know if its the healthiest but...... *shrug*

[PB]

well I have a much bigger list of the reasons why I love him.. infact too many to begin to list here.

The fact that I love him is far from being a secret, The hate has only been recent, and it's the situation that I hate , not him.

Everyone says.. get over it and leave him alone.. that doesn't change the way I feel, nor have I found a way to "move on".

I feel as though I am cheating my own heart if I do that.

He expects one day I'll just wake up and be "ok" with all of it. I know for a fact that I will never again be the same. I'm sure eventually I'll have to move on and try and find happiness elsewhere.. but right now that day does not seem very near.
I do not know what else to do, I just know I do not want the hate to turn toward him, rather than just the situation.

PB

[Billyman]

One word: independence

It's tough to accomplish and even tougher to not over do it.

[PB]

Originally posted by Billyman
One word: independence

It's tough to accomplish and even tougher to not over do it.

well I am very independent actually.. and I know that I do not need a man that will take care of me, i need one that will let me take care of them. Tha't s just how I am. I have always been strong and independent. But because I do not need him to make me ok.. in so many ways.... doesn't mean I do not depend on him when my heart comes in to play :P

One day it will all be fine. I'll always be somewhat changed from this experience, but I do hope that it does not alter my ability to love again. Just have to find the right person.. I suppose.

I have been independent since I was like 16, my mother raised me that way, she did a damn good job! But I shall try not to over do it as well.. and as well I suppose I have learned my lesson about depending on someone elsewhere my heart is involved as well.

We shall see what the future holds for me... but for now.. I'll be looking from a bit of a further distance rather than eitherin the front row or on stage myself!

Thanks.

PB

[mute]

I love to hate. I hate to love.

[PB]

Originally posted by Mute
I love to hate. I hate to love.

Well that may sum up your problem from posts before my dear Mute.

Give it a chance first before you hate it.. but I mean real love, not just the thought of it.

In my heart, I'll always love him. In my heart, I'll always love my ex that I almost married. If in ten years I can not say the same thing, then in my opinion, I never loved them to begin with.

Love is not a temporary feeling if it is true.

and the only love worthy of the name is UNCONDITIONAL!

Chew on that for a while before you repost!

PB