whats this all about?

[ms. bing]

i read pb's entire thread with rapt attention and much sympathy. it's just terrible the way she's hurting, the way she loved and lost....
and to be perfectly honest, i'm a little jealous.
this is not the sort of thing i would normally write in a place where other people could read it, this is the kind of thing i would keep to myself, but keeping it is doing me no good, so here goes.
i have a daughter who i basically live for, and who is, by the way, extremely cute. i have a couple of dogs that i really love, enough to put them in my sig and avatar, you know? but i'm single, and when it comes to finding that special someone to spend the rest of my life with, to love my daughter, to sleep with and write poetry to and about, i could really care less. i just feel kind of dead inside. i have no desire to even look, like an advanced form of apathy where you are too jaded to even feel the spite of jadedness anymore. i see a cute guy in the store or something, and i notice that hes cute, and i walk by without a second thought. my brother tells me that i shouldnt close myself off to finding someone, because my daughter could really benefit from having a father in her life, and i agree. i really do know he's right, but i just don't feel anything about it one way or the other. so what do you think, tribals? maybe someone can give me some advice on how to open up. i don't think i qualify for nunhood, and i'm not really into cloisters.

[Mudflap]

I found that jumping out of an airplane in the company of close friends (and excellent people) did my soul a world of good.

Life is meant to be lived, experienced, and enjoyed, but sometimes you have to scheme, plot, and plan to get the best out of it.

Form your own little gang hellbent on seizing new and exciting experiences and start plotting.

Best of luck to ya.

[ms. bing]

i really appreciate the advice. i don't really have a problem carpeing the diem, but i do have a problem carpeing with anybody else. the part about jumping out of an airplane with a bunch of people caught my eye, though. maybe i need to find a group of friends interested in the same things im interested in. then perhaps i would meet a man who could break through this wall ive built around myself. i keep plotting, planning and scheming, but only with myself and my family in mind. i suppose it wouldn't hurt to open up a little. thanks. i just wish i could get excited about the prospect of love yet undiscovered.

[Koliedrus]

Apparently a dog lover. Muddy gave some good advice. Add everything together and you should see that you have several options available to you.

Strong relationships begin with a common interest and "happen" on their own from there. You're wise to let things happen on their own instead of actively seeking.

Does your child need a father-figure? Perhaps. The male perspective may not suit you but eventually your child will begin to ask questions that you may not be able to answer accurately. Think ten years ahead...

It appears that you're doing well as a single parent. My sincere respect to you for centering your heart around your child. Too many "parents" fail to do so.

Allowing your heart to be held by another adult of your own age is a process that Muddy summarized quite well. Keep your eyes open to potential risks, get comfortable and enjoy.

Do you take your dogs out for events?

[morgana]

<font color="lime">i just wanted to say that i empathize with your situation, on a different level.

i have a significant other- he's warm and caring, and even more important sometimes, he accepts who i am without complaint. i love him dearly and could not be happier with anyone else.

but...i still have an empty place at my side. i have no friends. some of this is because i work 50+ hours a week. some of it is because i'm also a mother of a four year old, and don't get out of the house much except for work. but some of it is also...i just don't care to make any friends.

doesn't that sound just crazy? i miss being able to talk to someone, and hang out together, and just...do stuff. but, at the same time, i'm emotionally selfish and don't want to put the effort into making friendships. i was very close to someone a little while ago, but for whatever reason, i just stopped talking to her. she didn't make me mad; she didn't do anything particularly wrong...i just didn't want to do it. i didn't want to share anything of myself with her; i'm a very private person, and she was a very open person, and i couldn't be like that for her.

i've put up a wall too. sometimes i wonder if i'll ever be able to tear it down.

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[ms. bing]

i took my lab to a dog carnival and she took first place in two or three contests. i want to start working with her on agility training this year, because she'll be three and have a slightly longer attention span than a guava fruit!
i see what you're getting at. thanks for the advice.