the freaks i meet at work

[SatansLeftHand]

and i do meet some truly freaky people.

Exhibit A: this guy comes in every other night like clockwork, at 2335 hours. he leaves at 0210. every other day. while he's there, he hampers me, and the other people who are trying to stock shelves and sweep floors and whatever else, with stupid questions. questions like: 'where do you get your hair cut?' 'is this the best brand of battery, or do these work better?' it's even worse when he wants to talk about his asshole neighbors or his days at the american school in london.

Exhibit B: young woman, fairly attractive, came into the place about 0100 monday morning. stayed till 0530. at one point, she asked me if i wanted a blow job, and maybe to fuck her in the bathroom. i told her i didn't have any condoms, or enough money to buy any. her response: 'you're broke? fuck you then'

Exhibit C: old dude last night asked me repeatedly if i knew where he could buy some slaves. then he bitched about how he hates having to work 10 hours a week for his $95,000 a year. i work 40+ hours a week for about $24,000.

Exhibit D: lady who works at the airport. she stops in once or twice a week on her way home from work at 1:30 in the morning. she likes to tell me about the various painful accidents experienced by the maintenance crews since the last time she was there.

Exhibit E: 3 days ago, a guy about my age came in around 3 am, had a gun holster on his hip. the gun was a cigarette lighter. with nothing to indicate that fact. it was a life-size 1911A1, but with the guts of a zippo.

Exhibit F: at least once a night, some random person who thinks they can put something larger than their head inside their coat and not have me spot it. one guy tried to walk out with a basketball stuck under his shirt. would have worked if he'd looked female enough to be believable as pregnant. or if i hadn't seen him come in looking skinny.

Exhibit G: the store shares a parking lot with a bar. the variety of things drunk people trying to buy cigarettes say is amazing.

Exhibit H: guy tried last night to get me to run him over in the parking lot with his own truck. i told him to leave.

do you meet/talk to weirdos where you work?

[MAC]

Imeet some strange folks at werk...
....mostly the unemployable looking for work or the successful-business types trying to fuck you.

hmmm

once, tho, when I was in a band....after a show we were packing up the truck and these two guys in long striped stockings and tutu's cam eover to talkt o us.
they had magic wands and lucky charms cereal boxes taped to their backs...
they asked me if I beat a tribal drum...... thenthey pranced away

yup..that one fucked me up for life.....

[PB]

Originally posted by theMAC
once, tho, when I was in a band....after a show we were packing up the truck and these two guys in long striped stockings and tutu's cam eover to talkt o us.
they had magic wands and lucky charms cereal boxes taped to their backs...
they asked me if I beat a tribal drum...... thenthey pranced away

yup..that one fucked me up for life.....

Tha'ts what too much LSD does to you! Poor things!

PB

[AcidzCraze]

Ha, I also meet the oddest people working at GNC. (this will get long, so I'll split the stories up)

A lady came in and asked me where calcium was. I showed her the section, answering other questions she had. I had papers in my hand, it was one of "those" days and they continuously slipped away from my fingers and onto the floor.

Finally, on the second time of me bending down to pick them up, her tone became hushed and hesitant.

"Hold on dear... "

I paused, not knowing where she was going to go with this situation.

She pulled out a marble sized crystal ball suspended on a gold chain. She then proceeded to chant softly while twirling this crystal ball of hers around my personal bubble.

Quizingly I asked her what she was doing.

She didn't answer until she was finished chanting like a demon.

"I am asking the clumsy-spirit to leave this place!"

I nodded my head knowingly and was prepared to show her the herbal anti-psychotics.

Quite curious by this time, I asked her what the bases was for her beliefs. Usually I don't pry into people's religous life at work, but I figured if she was ballsy enough to whip out a fucking crystal ball and chant secretivly, then she wouldn't mind an opportunity to push her beliefs onto me.

I have forgotton the name, and have since thrown out the business card for the seminars she attends, but I do remember the gist of it.

Apparantly there are demons for everything. All you have to do is ask them to leave.. since inherently they are trouble-makers, you must speak to them in their own language.

Also, a prerequisite for this quack-dom is that you must be incapable of making decisions for yourself. If you concentrate hard enough, and ask the "god of decisions", depending on which way your magic "ball" moves, your answer is given to you.

Since apparantly trying to determine what size bottle of calcium to get was overwhelming, I stood there and watched her, eyes closed, head slightly tilted back, mouth partly open and pendelum swinging.

Swiftly she opened her eyes, looked at the direction of the pendelum and opted for the bigger one. (Nevermind logic and reasoning here)

She paid and left and thankfully didn't have to consult any higher power about which tender to use for the purchase.

[AcidzCraze]

A young man entered the store. Upon greeting him and asking if he needed assistance with anything, he shook his head nervously and said he was simply going to browse.

A few moments later, he approached the register where I was and said..

"Did you read the story about RedBull?!!"

(For those of you who do not know what "Redbull" is, it is a very tart intense-energy drink. It's advertised as.. "drink redbull, it will give you wings!")

My curiousity piqued because I drink Redbull often, I told him that I hadn't and asked him what it was about.

"Well, it was.. uhh.. a story.. about Redbull. A few months ago, I drank it. Well, (insert cackling here) I drank about 4 of them and took some minithins with my friend. Well, it made us crazy! Well, me crazy at least. (it was at this point his left eye started moving in unimaginable ways)"

Becoming slightly uncomfortable, I nodded and positioned myself near the box-cutter in case he decided to give me a real-life example of his craziness.

"I started shaking, hearing voices..strange voices. They made me go to the hospital. I stayed there for about 4 weeks. My dad is going to sue. I'm not crazy. Promise I'm not crazy."

It were if his brain was fizzling beneath his forhead. He trotted closer to the counter and was visibly shaking ever so slightly. His expression twisted to make an involuntary grotesque face as he recapped the events in his head.

"They even gave me one of those straight jackets! haha! Can you believe that?! But I'm not crazy. They put me on medication. But you see, the thing is.. because I went to the hospital, I lost my job. They don't believe I'm not crazy. Cause I'm not crazy. But, so anyway, they won't take me back. So I'm here for an application."

Dumbfounded, I shake my head and inform him that there are no positions to be filled. Despite the fact that at that moment the store's help consisted of one employee. Myself.

He kept standing there as if processing the "No" were a life-time quest. Then it came to the stare-off moment. For 30 seconds we just looked at each other before it suddenly clicked in his prozac-dulled brain that there wasn't a job opening for him.

He finally left, making sure to stop at the door, turn to me, and tell me once more:

"I'm not crazy."

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Originally posted by SatansLeftHand
do you meet/talk to weirdos where you work?

I teach philosophy, what do you think? :p

Seriously though - the amount of pretentious morons that think having dredlocks and a perverted sexlife makes you a philosopher is amazing. There are at least two or three in all my classes (class sizes being about 12 people per tutorial group)

I get to read some pretty bizzarre essays - the worst I can remember had more than 150 indexed footnotes (the essay was only 1500 words) - basically it was a string of quotes put together in a rather haphazaard fashion. He got a 'D'.

The funniest essays are not so much the ones that just express strange views though - but the ones that misunderstand the theory in an amusing way: Eg -

Hobbes wrote in Leviathan that the life of man in the state of nature would be 'solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and short' - of course by 'short' he meant that the life expectancy wouldn't be that long in such a condition.
One of my students wrote:
'Men, in the state of nature, are solitary, poor, nasty, brutish and kind of short - I guess this is due to them being cavemen, and cavemen weren't very tall'
:)

[Deadpool]

WTF. You people get to meet interesting people. I hardly ever encounter weirdos.....prolly due to the fact that I am a raging freak myself and everything in comparison seems normal....I dunno, Im babbling here.

[MAC]

*theMAC reads deadpools post, then looks at his sig.....*

what are you talkin about!

explain those two freaks!

[TotalAnarchy]

I dont work. But I meet many a freak. Work that one out.