siam
07-04-2001, 11:34 PM
you don't remember what i forgot to say
if i make it to december maybe then i'll sit and stay
for a while
i breathe in the thin
stream of second hand smoke
exhale the shallow breath of
second wind thought
he says there's no such thing as magic
as he gently blows
into the throat
of my doubt
like a mirror i can't see out of
outlining my tan lines with the tip of his thumb
he tells me no
tells me he's not gonna go
in here with me
watch her set herself on fire
watch all of her sweet expire
watch her run around the room
crack head open like a tomb
against the ceiling
watch her nails dig in
start peeling off her skin
like words from meaning
but you say all this is in my hands
i feel you feel me it's hard
to understand
so i go back inside
for another bottle
of something colder
for something i can't justify sober
she sinks her teeth in transubstantiation
fucks with my mind mental masturbation
and i was saving myself for something bitter better
then all the boundaries that i let her
cross
and his inevitable premature emasculation
she'll bleed for days
think of a thousand ways to self-destruct
drink the screams out of paper cups
she'll do all she can
to break the man
into a million unglueable pieces
until her soul's been spent
until she's drained of what it meant to her
she collapses on the floor
lying still and absent
staring cold and
hardly breathing
with nothing left to say
nothing left to take away
you're the place i go
where i don't apply
you don't care what or how
or why
you amputate
well worded lies
out of my mouth
wringing justification
out of my wet tongue
till i'm empty and dry
of all my paradigms
of reality
of anything that's ever been real to me
about me
she wants to hear you suffer
about some stupid shit she said
she wants you to wish you
were here or dead
my body is a host
to a disoriented ghost
who finds it so insulting
to be trapped in a mind this small
but the power isn't mine at all
i'm just the afterglow
of a ride you went on long ago
and even that's self-flattery
to see myself in her memory
i understand the sin
of words being let in
to ears and out of shallow mouths
they should stick to the tongue
tied in knots left undone
and unspoken
he lifts his bitch up on his lap
i slide down the wall and light a match
and another cigarette
tolstoy's buttoning his pants
it doesn't matter how much she fakes it
or how many pills i end up taking
when my eyes open i'm still awake
it doesn't matter how long i pretend
to be asleep as the bastard takes me in
and swallows me whole i hear myself again
and wonder how long i'm gonna be here
what books i'll have to read before i'm allowed inside
the genius of the virtual mind
having analyzed self and found it boring
the cliché of jenocide and self-abhoring
wishing i knew bigger words
wishing i could be like her
walking through the halls
of someone else's story
trying to ride the melt of someone else's glory
rearranging the words of their intellect
sounding interesting
insignificant
looking for a higher ledge
so they can see how i fall short
insecurity's a bastard
i fight not to abort
she's a crushing thought
a final blow
when she goes down
he sinks she swims
and i go away
he said it's okay
if you didn't mean it
if it was just a need, convenient,
just going through the e motions.
i just smile and roll over with my back to him
he doesn't even look for her in me.
if i make it to december maybe then i'll sit and stay
for a while
i breathe in the thin
stream of second hand smoke
exhale the shallow breath of
second wind thought
he says there's no such thing as magic
as he gently blows
into the throat
of my doubt
like a mirror i can't see out of
outlining my tan lines with the tip of his thumb
he tells me no
tells me he's not gonna go
in here with me
watch her set herself on fire
watch all of her sweet expire
watch her run around the room
crack head open like a tomb
against the ceiling
watch her nails dig in
start peeling off her skin
like words from meaning
but you say all this is in my hands
i feel you feel me it's hard
to understand
so i go back inside
for another bottle
of something colder
for something i can't justify sober
she sinks her teeth in transubstantiation
fucks with my mind mental masturbation
and i was saving myself for something bitter better
then all the boundaries that i let her
cross
and his inevitable premature emasculation
she'll bleed for days
think of a thousand ways to self-destruct
drink the screams out of paper cups
she'll do all she can
to break the man
into a million unglueable pieces
until her soul's been spent
until she's drained of what it meant to her
she collapses on the floor
lying still and absent
staring cold and
hardly breathing
with nothing left to say
nothing left to take away
you're the place i go
where i don't apply
you don't care what or how
or why
you amputate
well worded lies
out of my mouth
wringing justification
out of my wet tongue
till i'm empty and dry
of all my paradigms
of reality
of anything that's ever been real to me
about me
she wants to hear you suffer
about some stupid shit she said
she wants you to wish you
were here or dead
my body is a host
to a disoriented ghost
who finds it so insulting
to be trapped in a mind this small
but the power isn't mine at all
i'm just the afterglow
of a ride you went on long ago
and even that's self-flattery
to see myself in her memory
i understand the sin
of words being let in
to ears and out of shallow mouths
they should stick to the tongue
tied in knots left undone
and unspoken
he lifts his bitch up on his lap
i slide down the wall and light a match
and another cigarette
tolstoy's buttoning his pants
it doesn't matter how much she fakes it
or how many pills i end up taking
when my eyes open i'm still awake
it doesn't matter how long i pretend
to be asleep as the bastard takes me in
and swallows me whole i hear myself again
and wonder how long i'm gonna be here
what books i'll have to read before i'm allowed inside
the genius of the virtual mind
having analyzed self and found it boring
the cliché of jenocide and self-abhoring
wishing i knew bigger words
wishing i could be like her
walking through the halls
of someone else's story
trying to ride the melt of someone else's glory
rearranging the words of their intellect
sounding interesting
insignificant
looking for a higher ledge
so they can see how i fall short
insecurity's a bastard
i fight not to abort
she's a crushing thought
a final blow
when she goes down
he sinks she swims
and i go away
he said it's okay
if you didn't mean it
if it was just a need, convenient,
just going through the e motions.
i just smile and roll over with my back to him
he doesn't even look for her in me.