FallenAngel
03-04-2001, 03:03 AM
<FONT COLOR="limegreen">
i was gonna start a really thought provoking topic, but i left my brain in bed asleep so heres some jokes instead http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif
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An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair
making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man
jumps out of a room and says,
"Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?"
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to
him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way. Up and
down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out a room and
says,
"Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I
see your registration please?"
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to
him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes
to the old man's room again he jumps out. This time he's stark naked and
has an erection! The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says,
"Oh no, not the Breathalyzer again!"
-------------------------------------
Na-na na-na na-nah!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To
my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kssing
Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening
exchange Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last
of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing
I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
-------------------------------------
Mom's Advice
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around,
scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what
was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently
been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the
principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do
about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion
at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at
his desk with his penis hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come
and pick me up from school."
-----------------------------------
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert, they set up their tent,
and are asleep. Some hours later, The Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend.
"Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" ask The Lone Ranger.
Tonto ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me
that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past
three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and
insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"
The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Tonto, you Dumb Ass, someone has stolen our tent."
</FONT c>
------------------
And one time at band camp...
<IMG SRC="http://www.cox-internet.com/jennifer/fallen2.jpg" border=0>
i was gonna start a really thought provoking topic, but i left my brain in bed asleep so heres some jokes instead http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif
--------------------------------------
An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair
making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man
jumps out of a room and says,
"Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?"
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to
him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way. Up and
down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out a room and
says,
"Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I
see your registration please?"
She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to
him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way.
She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes
to the old man's room again he jumps out. This time he's stark naked and
has an erection! The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says,
"Oh no, not the Breathalyzer again!"
-------------------------------------
Na-na na-na na-nah!
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To
my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening,
"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kssing
Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening after this enlightening
exchange Even the tellers stopped what they were doing. I mustered up the last
of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing
I heard when the door closed behind me were screams of laughter.
-------------------------------------
Mom's Advice
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was squirming around,
scratching his crotch and not paying attention. She went back to find out what
was going on. He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently
been circumcised and he was quite itchy. The teacher told him to go down to the
principal's office. He was to phone his mother and ask her what he should do
about it. He did it and returned to his class. Suddenly, there was a commotion
at the back of the room. She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at
his desk with his penis hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom." she screamed.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out till noon, she'd come
and pick me up from school."
-----------------------------------
The Lone Ranger and Tonto are camping in the desert, they set up their tent,
and are asleep. Some hours later, The Lone Ranger wakes his faithful friend.
"Tonto, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Tonto replies, "Me see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" ask The Lone Ranger.
Tonto ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are
millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me
that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past
three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all powerful and we are small and
insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
What it tell you, Kemo Sabi?"
The Lone Ranger is silent for a moment, then speaks.
"Tonto, you Dumb Ass, someone has stolen our tent."
</FONT c>
------------------
And one time at band camp...
<IMG SRC="http://www.cox-internet.com/jennifer/fallen2.jpg" border=0>