Homesick... H-E-L-P! [Archive]

estero

10-31-2001, 03:19 PM

I don't even know where to begin... As you all probably know, I moved in with Gary about three months ago. I took a big step coming here to be with him. I left my family, friends, school, car... practically everything. I left it all for love, for us. I am so happy with him, and I can't imagine my life without him, but I can't get over the sadness I feel.

I thought I was over it, finally, but then my mother came here for my birthday like two weeks ago, and it has started all over again. I really miss her. She is the person in this world that I love the most. I don't know what to do, becasue when I get sad, I push Gary away and we fight. I know he understands and when my mother left, he told me he couldn't bare to see me like that and said we would move back as soon as we could. That won't be for a while though. There are times I'm really lonely, seeing as I haven't really met a lot of people and I'm usually by myself most of the day because I'm done school at around noon everyday. I have no car (he takes the car to work) and there isn't much to do around here except work out, which I do everyday.

I know I'm unreasonable with him when I get like this, but I really don't know what to do. I'm really happy with him, and I would do everything all over again... but I just don't know how to get over this saddness. I really don't want to treat him badly, because he is the most amazing person and treats me like gold.

He says he doesn't know why I isolate myself when I get unhappy by pushing him away. I think, secretly, I get mad at him when I'm homesick because he's the reason I am here. I know that is so unfair... http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/frown.gif

I really don't know what to do...

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estero

10-31-2001, 03:39 PM

Well, to be totally honest, you drove me away with one of your comments. You were really unfair to me, thats why I left.

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estero

10-31-2001, 03:44 PM

Words can break things that are unseen.

I accept your apology. http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif

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[This message has been edited by Kaye (edited 10-31-2001).]

MAC

10-31-2001, 05:11 PM

If I wasn't so mad and sick I'd cry.

I'm homesick and I go home every night.

Its not the place you miss its the feeling and all the things that made it feel that way.

But your life is what you make of what you have.
You chose what you have.
You invested all your faith and trust in it.

For godsake stop being a fickle woman and live in the boat you are sailing ot ht future.

Is he so much happier than you?
Is his world any fuller than yours?
I doubt it.
He just smiles and says
"This is my life and I will make it good."

Feel free to stew in your sorrow till you feel your happiness can only exist in the destruction of the world he wants to build with you.

Take a year
Or 4
Or 22

fuck

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Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

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estero

10-31-2001, 05:27 PM

I'm not saying I don't have a good life or I don't appreciate the life I have with him. I'm just saying, this is harder than I had expected, and its taking me longer to adjust than I thought it would.

The only thing I have here is him. Its just a big change from having my entire family (which is huge) and friends around me all the time. Growing up I was never lonely, I have 5 brothers and sisters. *shrug*

Perhaps I am feeling sorry for myself, and I should shape up and get over it. I will, but I just think its going to take some time.

I just needed to vent.

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MAC

10-31-2001, 05:39 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Kaye:
I just needed to vent.

[/quote]

Me too....

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Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

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Cruise Director

10-31-2001, 06:06 PM

There is definitely a comfort in the place we call home. I have been offered positions with several companies for which I've worked that would take me away from home. Considerable raises and jumps in position. I've turned them down so far. My family and friends are important to me.

People are prepared at different stages in their lives to leave the nest. Now, I could never move back in with either of my parents, but I like to live fairly close. My dad is one of my best friends and I don't want to leave. One day I'll be able to cut those apron strings like you have. Just not yet.

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estero

10-31-2001, 07:08 PM

The only reason I left is because I knew I would come home again. It sucks I can't have the love of my life and my family and friends at the same time.

Not fair... but what is?

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mute

10-31-2001, 08:07 PM

Listen to music, I always think I have the best sad music, so I say take my songs http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

I know what it feels like to be homesick... I went away to Montreal all summer once, to join a sailing team and compete... it was soooo fun, and I met lots of people... my brother was there, a friend from home, and other new people I met that were from my home city too... and I met people from all over Canada, people from Florida and Seattle, and lots more too....

but I always felt home sick for some reason, I wanted to go sleep at my house, and party with my friends at home, and I missed a certain individual even more than when I was at home... sure it sucked, but I had lots of fun too... don't down yourself on the sucky parts, up yourself on the good stuff...uhh did that make sense?

hey, you have somebody... I don't, and lots others don't.. my first advice is cherish that, the love you have... PLEASE!

one thing I don't get is when I feel sad, I wish I could lay on the couch with 'her' and watch a movie or something, and just fall asleep together.. as for you, you push away, why? sounds like you're saying he's there for you when you're sad, so I say again, cherish that, PLEASE!

Go out meet new people and make friends, come here and read about how lots of people are relatively in the same situation as you, or do both...

need some music? http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

[edit: IRC is always there too]
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[This message has been edited by Mute (edited 10-31-2001).]

estero

10-31-2001, 08:43 PM

Mute, I think I love you. http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif

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mute

10-31-2001, 08:54 PM

http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/redface.gif

http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

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Mudflap

10-31-2001, 10:49 PM

What mute said goes for me too. I knew that guy had some common sense.

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disturbed

11-01-2001, 05:50 AM

My fiance is having the same problem. It's been about a month now and she is flying back home in a few days to visit and go to her aunt's baby shower. I just don't know how to help her adjust, and it's killing me. http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/frown.gif

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"A problem only exist if there is a difference between what is actually happening and what you desire to be happening."
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Mudflap

11-01-2001, 09:11 AM

In my experience, women will go to great lengths to be unsatisfied with their current situation. No matter how good it is or how much they wanted it.

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Rabble Rouser

11-01-2001, 11:57 AM

As bad as this may sound, a great part of me agrees with what Mudflap said. Some people will just always find something to be unhappy about (don't take this as a personal attack).

I think that one of two things is going on here. Either you just take a little longer than some people to adjust to the change, or maybe you weren't really ready to make it in the first place. This could be my inner cynic speaking here, but I think that love tends to cloud our better judgment. We think that we will be better off if we are always around the ones we love, but fail to take into account that it could mean leaving the ones who love us unconditionally.

Kaye, have you ever lived away from your family before (like in a different house or something)? If not, then maybe you're just still adjusting to being away from them. When I moved away from mine (granted, it was only an hour's distance, but still), I was ecstatic, but I didn't have the family that got along with each other. I was more than happy to be away from the yelling and the fighting and everything. I really can't say how long it should take for you to adjust, but maybe you just need some more time.

And don't feel bad for having the feelings that you do. They're perfectly normal. It might be difficult, but I would tell Gary the reason why you think you're homesick. If he knows, maybe he can do something to help. He might get mad at first, but hopefully he can help you in some way.

I know all about not having anywhere to go or people to hang out with. You live in Washington, so I imagine that they (or maybe even Maryland) would have some kind of public transportation. That's all I used when I lived in the city (I had no car at the time), and it got me pretty much wherever I needed to go.

And keep up the exercise. A lot of people say it makes you feel better (I personally don't buy it, but hey http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif), and it is certainly giving you a great figure. http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif

I'm not sure exactly how much help this is, but it's my two cents.

Best of luck. http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif

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"You know me, I love animals! Beef, pork, ham..."

estero

11-01-2001, 12:14 PM

I thank you for all your comments. We talked and fought about it last night and he totally understands why Im like this. Rabblie, I have never been away from home before, I'm going to a new school in a new country, and living with my boyfriend, which I have never done before. (whew long sentence).

Perhaps you guys are right, Im just trying to look for the bad.... its a possibility, but these are huge changes I have had to endure. Thank god he's is the most easy going person I have ever known.

I told him last night all the reasons why I'm upset (well perhaps not all of them)and we fought a bit, and I told him that I wanted to go home, and that I wanted him to come with me. I knew that is not a possibility (he can't get a work visa, but I just wanted to see what he would say.

I love him, this I know, so I will try my hardest to feel better.

Disturbed, you should send your girlfriend over here for some tea and scones.

Thanks again for all your comments. They were greatly appreciated.

~Kaye

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fujimo

11-01-2001, 03:53 PM

This is why I started traveling early.

By the end of high school, I had my own motorcycle and started going to special events.

By the end of college, I was spending each weekend I could traveling and seeing special parties.

What this meant was that since I started traveling and making friends at shows and swap meets is that I have friends all over the US.

I can fly to CT and some one will meet me at the airport. I will have a place to hang my hat and party with some great people.

I can fly to Dallas, TX and have a blast there too. Same for Oregon and Canada.

I never quit taking care of my friends. I just kept on making new friends. Then we always stayed in touch.

People who are unusally shy really have it bad. They have a hard time coming out of their shell. Then again, some people get tired of getting burned.

I turned to studying people and special auroras around them. I can be a pretty good judge of character. Good people are always hard to find. But we stick together.

Your next test is finding good people and learning how to adapt, improvise and overcome.

You can do well......but quitting and going back is never allowed.

estero

11-01-2001, 04:08 PM

I would never leave without him. Its not that I'm shy, because I am not, but I have nothing in common with anyone in any of my classes, except for this one guy who I hang with.

i go to a school which is predominately one race, and I am definitely a minority for the first time in my life. I don't have a problem with it, but at the same time I'm finding hard to connect with anyone. 

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fujimo

11-01-2001, 05:00 PM

so who says ya go to meet people at school?

look inside yourself and see if you can come up with 5 other places to meet people.

Then ask yourself if you could take your other half too.

Parks??????.....Lakes???????.....Camping places??.....Gym?????/.....Martial Art School???..... There are lots of places.

The more you seek, the easier it is to find.

estero

11-01-2001, 05:08 PM

Gary takes the car to work and there is nothing around here. THe public transportation here sucks. 

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MAC

11-01-2001, 06:05 PM

I promise to be more sedated this time.
My venom is not meant for you but this applies.

You can't go home.
You left that and you can't have it back.
Not like it was.

Now, your situation right-at-this-moment is less than perfect.
But you are COMMITING to something that will let you develope a new life that fills you with as much joy and more happy memeories than you ever had before.
If you'll let it.

Don't sacrifice your future with your NEW family because things are a little uncomforatble right now.

Get that thought out of your head.

You can't just get on a plane and walk back into your old house and start over where you where 6 months ago.
This the beginning of a new life.
Your mom left her family.
...her mother left.
...her mother left.

...and I bet if you check real carefully

...your father and all his fathers left their families behind to make their own.

If your man is committed to you don't slap him with this.
Male pride has no room for competeing with all your happy childhood memories.
Everyday that passes his actions grow more amd more dedicated to you and your mutual future.
So stop saying things like
"Back then..."
"I used to..."
"My old friends..."

He can't replace them.
He can't make you forget.

And if you linger on them the memories you are making right now are wasted.
The memories yet to come will never be.

PS:
You can't "try to feel better".
Either you are going to drop the past and start the future or go back to your mom and try again with someone else when you are ready....which you never will be.

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Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

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estero

11-01-2001, 06:25 PM

You are totally right. I want to make a life with him. I want to make this work and I want it to be a happy life. I love him more than anything in this world. My life without him would be empty.

It may be hard, but I'm willing to do ANYTHING to make this work.



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estero

11-01-2001, 06:34 PM

PS: Thank you everyone for the slap in the head. I needed it.

Much Love.

Gawd i missed this place.



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fujimo

11-01-2001, 09:41 PM

you are finally turning around some anyway.

Every time we tried to tell ya something positive......you were counering it with why you could not do what we thought about.

I can remember walking to school and had no problem. Then I got a 10 speed. Later I got a motorcycle.

Once you start meeting a few people, there are such things as a car pool. Or maybe if you need the car....you drive him to work and pick him up on special days.

There are all kinds of ways to make something work. Almost many as excuses to not make them work.

estero

11-01-2001, 10:12 PM

Or I could just use my pogo-stick http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif

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Mr. Snrub

11-01-2001, 10:43 PM

What happened to your bike?!

Oh, and Mac is very right.

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fujimo

11-02-2001, 01:34 AM

I believe I saw a commercial about business guys taking a pogo stick to work. It would certainly put more spring into your bounce.

When you face a problem ask why not instead of why. You have already gotten some of he best answers here you could get.

Now for me.....there is a full moon and I need to go for a m/c ride.

estero

11-02-2001, 12:08 PM

I had to sell the bike when I moved. http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/frown.gif Woe is me.

You can buy me a new one if you like...that would make me happy http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif

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mute

11-02-2001, 01:59 PM

bike? what kind

isn't it good being a nice purdy lady and getting all this attention? http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

lucky women!! http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/tongue.gif

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estero

11-02-2001, 02:50 PM

This was the bike. *sniff*

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mute

11-02-2001, 03:54 PM

good, you know your bikes http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/wink.gif
a purdy biker chick, MARRY ME!!! http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

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estero

11-02-2001, 09:24 PM

Hmm, does this mean I have to move again? http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/wink.gif

Its a CBR 900 RR, for your information ;D

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Deadpool

11-02-2001, 09:42 PM

Do you have a pic of yourself riding the bike? Hot wimmin on bikes knocks my socks off.

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Fuck you I wont do what you tell me. -RATM

Mudflap

11-02-2001, 10:52 PM

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Deadpool:
Hot wimmin on bikes knocks my socks off.

[/quote]

Muscle bound jocks at the beach have the same effect on you as well.

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mute

11-03-2001, 02:02 AM

a women riding a CBR 900?! http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/eek.gif

just kiddin', seeing that i have a 1990 piece-of-shit kawasaki 500EX http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/frown.gif

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estero

11-03-2001, 05:09 AM

Deadpoo, I do actually , but when I uploaded all my shit to this network, I had to encrypt everything. Since then, I haven't downloaded pgp again so I dont have it decrypted. Illl show you when I do. I've posted the picture before tho...you must have never saw it.

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Deadpool

11-03-2001, 06:53 AM

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Kaye:
Deadpoo, I do actually , but when I uploaded all my shit to this network, I had to encrypt everything. Since then, I haven't downloaded pgp again so I dont have it decrypted. Illl show you when I do. I've posted the picture before tho...you must have never saw it.

[/quote]

I never saw it. http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/frown.gif

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Fuck you I wont do what you tell me. -RATM

creepingdeath

11-06-2001, 05:46 AM

Kaye:
The first time my wife left her parents home was to move in with me, and she had some trouble adjusting too.
What worked for her was a visit from her mom to the new place, and her mom brought a bunch of stuff from all through her life to put in the place.
I don't know if your mom can make a visit or not, but having plenty of stuff around that makes the place familiar helped her a lot.
Not the things you think about moving, but the stuff you never thought you would be interested in. We had paper chickens in the kitchen she made as a little kid, her placemat with her name on it on the table, and quite a few other things like that.
All that stuff is packed back away now, and we are going to make sure to keep a few things like that along the way for when our kids leave and get their own places.
It's a big step, away from the family and the places you know, but you will have to do it one day. Why not with someone you enjoy so much??
So, if you can, get your mom to come cook in your kitchen and hang out around the place. For my wife, just knowing her mother touched stuff around the house made it better.
Hey, if it still doesnt feel right, I'm sure Deadpool will offer you a comfy place http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif