Why am I such a bitch?

[PB]

My mother just called to inform me that my ex-fiance was killed in a wreck...

besides the fact that i am completely devistated, i feel absolutely horrible because just wednesday he told me that he was sorry for all that he put me through and that he has always still loved me, and he always would and i just rudely told him that he should have thought about that a long time ago and he can't turn around now and take it all back.. i promised to see him soon, and i will.. but now it will be in a casket. .... am i a bitch ?


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Why do we love the one that hurts us? And hurt the one that loves us?

[MAC]

R U A Bitch?
Not to me.

Should you have told him that.
YES!

He could have died before you told him that or before he treated you like crap.
Doesn't change the truth of your words.

I hope you live by them.

I'm sure you do.

sorry for your loss....
what ever its extent.
http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/frown.gif

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Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

<IMG SRC="http://www.tyler.net/roguewarrior/images/macsnake.jpg" border=0>

[slappy]

<font color=#ff9900>you are not a bitch. people say things in the heat of the moment, and later regret it... these situations make you think about the people you are close to. is it really worth holding a grudge? costhey could be hit by a bus tomorrow.

i regret the fact that i didn't see my mum as much as i should have before she dies. we could have had so much more time together, but it was due to my laziness that i didn't see her that much. now i will never see her again.</font>

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stinkycat (http://www.stinkycat.co.uk) - i love you

[Deadpool]

Dont take things for granted?

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Fuck you I wont do what you tell me. -RATM

[Cruise Director]

If we as humans had the ability to see into the future it would be devistating. Every decision we make impacts those around us. Decisions would then be made based on those impacts. For every action, there is an oposite and equal reaction. Make any sense? My point is, one should never feel guilt about those "missed moments." Yes, I agree that you should play with all of your cards on the table MOST of the time and I try and live like that.

I am sorry for your loss, but please don't feel guilty for your being honest with him.

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There was a moment of utter silence before Hell's door flew open.

[Skeet]

I realized this recently...

If we knew of the time of our death or someone elses, it would make every second with that person and counting session. Time would be spent for naught, not enjoying the moment. We live for those who will live on after we are gone.

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"Purple cats in purple cars, purple cheats and purple lies. Purple cats, purple cats. please give me a purple burge, with a side of purrrrr-ple fries."
By John Michael Greenwood
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[Rabble Rouser]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Cruise Director:


I am sorry for your loss, but please don't feel guilty for your being honest with him.

[/quote]

My sentiments exactly.

You had no idea he was going to be killed. Nobody did. Never apologize for being honest. I am very sorry for your loss, but don't be too hard on yourself.



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"We must put an end to this. We've seen enough body bags and ballsacks." - Henry Kissinger

[PB]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Rabble Rouser:
<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Cruise Director:


I am sorry for your loss, but please don't feel guilty for your being honest with him.

[/quote]

My sentiments exactly.

You had no idea he was going to be killed. Nobody did. Never apologize for being honest. I am very sorry for your loss, but don't be too hard on yourself.

[/quote]


Thank you all for your kind words. I am trying not to feel bad, but am having a hard time of that. I guess because he did mean so much to me for such a long time, and we had finally become really good friends again in the past several months. I spoke to his dad last night, and his mother today. And she was telling me that they had just had a long drawn out conversation about me about a month ago, and he was telling her that if he could take back any mistake.. that it would have been the one that he made with me. In sume sense this makes me happy to hear, and in another it only makes it worse. For those that know me, and not many here know the real life me.. only RW i suppose. I don't deal well with death since my best friend was killed. A guilt I will never get over... since she was speeding because I didn't show up when i was supposed to. I knew something bad was about to happen, and it has. I am not beating myself up about him, am still just a bit shocked because he stood for so much in my life, how i am , and how i aspire to be.

He was my first love, "my first" , the man that got on one knee to me and vowed to love me for eternity. The man who when he messed up had the balls to tell me the truth even though he knew how crushed I would be. The man that taught me that after a relationship ends, it doesn't always have to end the friendship. He was the first man to break my heart, and the one that I always knew I could call upon and know that he still cared and that he was still there for me no matter what i said to him in anger of what he had done. And although the other day our conversation ended on good terms, I wish i hadn't been so stubborn when he was sincerely trying to appoligize! And now.. he has broken my heart once again.... and again i find myself asking ... who's next?


I'm sorry for rambling.... although i think that you guys will understand that I am utterly completely devistated! And I do not know what else to do, i have to talk or i'll explode and my BF although he is being supportive i don't think he understands.... does any understand ??????


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Why do we love the one that hurts us? And hurt the one that loves us?

[Koliedrus]

I have no words that will change the past. I only have memories and similar circumstances to describe.

I'm honestly saddened by your loss and the tears you will shed.

Here's a rope. I'll get you out...

[This message has been edited by Koliedrus (edited 05-15-2001).]

[PB]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Koliedrus:
I have no words that will change the past. I only have memories and similar circumstances to describe.

I'm honestly saddened by your loss and the tears you will shed.

Here's a rope. I'll get you out...

[This message has been edited by Koliedrus (edited 05-15-2001).][/quote]


Thank you Kol...
Right now the tears are hard to stop. Although I am not beating myself up about the things said, I just keep thinking of all the things that he and I did. And the lessons he taught me, even the pain that we went through together. SO many things keep running through my mind. The nightmares are so vivid that I can not sleep. Today is his visitation, where I will have to see his mother who I have remained close with, and only then will I know what to do next. Right now I still feel in shock, i just talked to him, he kept begging me to come over, and i keep thinking that there is so much left undone. 24 years old, never married, no children... had his life together and now in one moment it is gone. HE was on a motorcycle, and did have a helmet but the state trooper says the injuries were more than a helmet could protect and that it killed him instantly. It is all a big mess, and I appreciate your support! *kisses your cheek* Thank YOU!


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Why do we love the one that hurts us? And hurt the one that loves us?