On depression

[Inky]

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[This message has been edited by Koliedrus (edited 06-09-2001).]

[gone~away]

thank you for sharing a little of your insight..

i truly do appreciate it.. however hard it may be for you to believe it has proved useful for me. im sure you don't need me spouting off cheerful pieces of philosophy to help you feel better so this is where my post shall end

http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif

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<IMG SRC="http://www.cox-internet.com/roguewarrior/images/gasiglogo.jpg" border=0>

[Escape Artist]

I'll read your post tomorrow when I can fully understand it. Somebody remind me tomorrow morning via IM, please.

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Tribal chat, the 6th food group! (http://www.thehypertribe.net/irc/)
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[Koliedrus]

Under the circumstances, my current mood makes it impossible for me to see things from a depressed point of view, no matter my experience with depression. Like Pianomahhn, I tend to search for a way out of darkness when it falls. That doesn't mean that you'll never read of that darkness while I search. In fact, this thread may turn out to be a rope.

Cruise? I'm borrowing the "Storyteller Hat" again. I'll try to keep it clean.

There's a cave near my hometown that I know by heart. On sunny days, my friends and I would gather up with equipment and set out for a full day of exploration. In areas where we had to crawl through mud and slime into darkness, one of us had to have the courage to ignore the crushing weight of the mountain above us and slink, headfirst, down slopes of granite into what we remembered from the last visit. Those behind the leader were encouraged by the success of the ones ahead. Light in the open cavern and whoops of excitement made the task a bit easier, but the weight of the mountain remained as an obstacle to be overcome.

There's a large chamber at "THE END" of this cave. A geologist could probably tell you how long ago the ceiling fell to form a slope of broken stone. I cannot.

As we climbed the slope, an open fissure to our right told of unexplored areas and a possible exit. None of us had the courage to continue down the cliff to find out if our assumptions were true.

On one visit, we leaned over the subterranean cliff and saw a message scrawled in the sandstone.

<-----EXIT

We planned for the next visit. Two of our group chose to proceed. I'm one of those two.

Before we left, we told the Colonel where we would be going, showed him our equipment and set a return time. The Colonel was in charge of the local ambulance service, my brother was an EMT, and I knew that the Rescue Squad would help us out if we got stuck.

I was prepared.

Snow was falling that afternoon. My friend's car slipped a few times through the snow but we made it to the entrance of the cave unscathed. We unpacked our equipment, geared up, and headed into darkness that was only broken by the beams of our lights.

I lead the way, following a length of string we had put in place as a guide on a previous excursion. We reached "THE END" quickly, spotted the exit sign in the fissure below, secured a rope and descended 70+ feet to the bottom.

I would be surprised if our yeehaw's and woo-hoo's didn't find their way to the very mouth of the cave. Someone had been there before us! We couldn't wait to see the other side of the mountain and talked about showing the rest of our crew the sights we were about to see.

Unfortunately, "someone" had a sense of humor. The passage narrowed until only a wall of granite faced us with the word "oops" scrawled on the foot-tall dead end.

One thing we hadn't planned on was that the exit sign was a lie. Our rope down wasn't meant to get us back up. We trusted the unknown one who had ventured in before us. Now, we had only a mud-slimed rope and my father's word to save us.

Panic is a difficult thing to deal with. So is faith. Once we calmed down, I reiterated that we could only remain there for a set amount of time before the Rescue Squad came for us. We wouldn't die.

Shame is also difficult to deal with.

My friend devised a plan.

He took off his shoes and started scaling the rope, holding it between his toes. When he could reach a ledge that gave him enough support, he would used one free hand, his teeth and toes to tie a knot in the rope. I lit his way from below as he called, "one more".

Thirty-odd feet up, he found a break in the rock face where he could jam his arm in and rest. At this point, he was emotionally and physically exhausted. The only thing that kept him from passing out and possibly breaking his arm were my screams from below.

"Don't lose it now! Climb down if you can't go on! Dad will get us out!"

"No! I'm going up. I can do this."

I had no way to stop him. He did exactly as he said. He tied knots all the way up the length of the rope for me to get out.

My climb wasn't nearly as difficult as his. Once I reached the "Arm Breaker", I felt despair and slumped to rest. His calls of encouragement from above got me moving again before my arm went numb.

At the top, in "THE END", we laughed in total darkness. "THE END" was not.

Our drive home was slow and replete with retrospect.

In essence I can only say that I cannot emerge from crushing darkness alone. I had the Col and knew that he would get me out.

You may not have "The Col" but you do have Kol. You also have a rescue squad. We just call them

The HyperTribe.

'nuff said.



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Shake well before using.

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[Kayla]

although i dont think its depression, sometimes i will find myself just crying...no reason, i just want to cry, and i will, very hard and sobbing tears. But then minutes later, i'm fine..smiling, joking, having a great time..

i dont know whats wrong with me..just thought i'd share

I just read Kol's response and wow, that was a great story, and yes INky you do have the hypertribe, each and everyone of us i'm sure
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[This message has been edited by Kayla610 (edited 04-26-2001).]

[MAC]

I can't speak for the diagnosis of depression but my wife has spells very similar to what you're discribing.
Maybe not as intense. But definately chronic.
What automatically comes to me is that she refuses to let it out. She refuses to talk or even discuss anything that might be bothering her. She gets defensive when you ask what's wrong. It is horrible to go home to someone who looks unhappy It makes you think they are unhappy with you. They say,"I just feel this way" (which is what you were commenting on) But when I finally get her to let something out. Anything. The final straw falls off the stack. Overnight she feels better. Not totally, but noticably. This may not apply to you. But this could be part of genetic depression. Dealing with things is often linked to communicating them. You know the saying "can't see the forest for the trees" Well sometimes, even when you know you feel bad, and you know why, you can't deal with it until you get out from under it and see what others see. Let someone else catch a little grief. In an ACTIVE way.
I'm just guessing based on what I've seen.
But a lot of women tend to get depressed and most of them refuse to let any of it out.
I have always been a solitary person.
I have very few people I can get things off my chest to. But I do get them out.

When something in your life is reoccurring you must realise that the only variable that has been constant through out your life has been YOU.
Maybe it's chemical.
Maybe it's mental.
Maybe it's purely genetic.

But either way Good Luck.


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Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

<IMG SRC="http://www.tyler.net/roguewarrior/images/macsnake.jpg" border=0>

[Cruise Director]

Kol, my friend, for a truely wonderful and insightful tale as that, you may borrow the storyteller hat any time.

-Cruise

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When I become World Dictator...HEADS WILL ROLL !!!!

[estero]

<font color=pink>Isn't Kol the best? Kol, you are one of my favourites, te amo.

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My name is Kaye and I probably don't like you. (http://pub58.ezboard.com/bcatch2257643)

[Escape Artist]

Damn, Kol. You need to put that storyteller hat on more often.

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Tribal chat, the 6th food group! (http://www.thehypertribe.net/irc/)
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[Koliedrus]

What?

That was just a memory!

What'd I do???

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Shake well before using.

<IMG SRC="http://a.postmypic.com/a.nsf/Z/brainthrobGDDV/$file/brainthrob.gif" border=0>

[Escape Artist]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Koliedrus:
What?

That was just a memory!

What'd I do???

[/quote]

Shut up and type. http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif


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Tribal chat, the 6th food group! (http://www.thehypertribe.net/irc/)
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[PB]

Inky honey.. i think you are my long lost twin... i wish i still had my journal.. (fell into wring hands and had to be burned) i wrote something aolmost identical to this (except my parents didn't have it) I am manic depressive/ bi-polar..
you sound as if you are the same.. have they ever mentioned it to you?



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Why do we love the one that hurts us? And hurt the one that loves us?

[FallenAngel]

<FONT COLOR="limegreen">
Inky I am really impressed with your post.

Depression is one of those very wierd things I happen to know a bit about it. Not medically but more from experience.

One thing to point out is their are actually two distinct forms of depression, chemical and mental. Withing these two forms all other forms do exsist but treatment is radically different (if diagnosed correctly)

I have a somewhat mild case of manic depression also known as a bipolar disorder. Mine however is NOT chemical its is 100% mental. Meaning that I cause it to happen sometimes I have control over it and somethimes I dont. But I cant be treated with medicine because truely there isnt a chemical imbalance causeing it.

With friends and lots of therapy I have gotten much better than I once was. I rarely get the extreme lows and highs anymore but most ppl who send enough time will notice that I do and can change very quickly and usually without any kind of reason. I can remember a birthday party I went when I was younger that I was having an extreme blast at I was over happy ( extreme high) and when the birthday girl blew out her candles I got depressed (extreme low) to the point I was crying for almost an hour.

More recently it can be seen when Im really excited about something (like my webpage) and then loose complete interest in it. Now for the most part these things dont disturb my life and I can be completely normal. But not everyone is like that.

My mother is a very depressed person. In fact hers is chemical especially since she purposely drinks 24/7 making it alot worst. She has many cumplisive behavior problems. Her depression does effect her life drastically. So much so that I havent spoken with her in over 6 years.

I guess I am begining to ramble so let me get to the point. I agree that ppl just saying "hey cheer up" "look on the bright side" is not and answer to depression, not permanently anyways. but sometimes that support that ppl are offering behind that gesture is. I know alot of times when I was having one of my extreme lows that a friend telling me to cheer up could help alot because I knew they cared, if depression is mentally/emotionally driven support can make alot of difference. If its chemical it may not make as big a difference but knowing you have friends supporting you can help give you a crutch when you need it.

</FONT c>

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And one time at band camp...

[This message has been edited by FallenAngel (edited 04-26-2001).]

[Inky]

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[This message has been edited by Koliedrus (edited 06-09-2001).]

[Koliedrus]

Please, Inky, continue! The changes in perspective from day to day are valuable to us!

Tribals, this thread is sacred. I would appreciate it if you would restrict comments. Answer questions if asked, comment on similarities to your own experiences when appropriate. If a long thought comes to mind, begin a new thread.

I hereby designate this thread as Inky's Journal.

So has the decree been written.

------------------
Shake well before using.

<IMG SRC="http://a.postmypic.com/a.nsf/Z/brainthrobGDDV/$file/brainthrob.gif" border=0>

[Inky]

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[This message has been edited by Koliedrus (edited 06-09-2001).]

[MAC]

theMAC pats inky on the shoulder

have no fear, dear
you'll feel better.



------------------
Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

<IMG SRC="http://www.tyler.net/roguewarrior/images/macsnake.jpg" border=0>

[rage]

*rage hugs inky
(-------------------HUG-------------------)

I had a good friend (had because she moved, and I haven't seen her in about 4 years) that struggled w/ depression - I dont know whether it was mental or physical, but I do know that it was hard for her to bear at times, and there wasn't anything I could do but give her a hug, or hold her while she cried, or basically just be there for her.

I wish I knew more of what to tell you, wish I could say something to make everything better, but, unfortunately I have no more to offer than this: friendship, and that I....we, at THT are here for you.

------------------
<IMG SRC="http://www.tyler.net/llundberg/sig.jpg" border=0>
" Three - legged Jeans.
Not as dumb as acid wash"