here comes the bride....

[Kayla]

after not talking to my mom in about 2 months, she calls me up yesterday and says "what are you doing friday?" my reply is nothing. She then tells me "good, i'm getting married friday, can you be there?"

now at this point i almost fall out of my chair. She has been with her boyfriend for almost 8 years. they live together and i basically already consider him my stepdad (hes a good guy) But after not talking to me in 2 months, was it fair for her to drop something like that on me??

Now before you ask the question of how such short notice. This is a VERY small wedding consisiting of about 10-12 people including my mom and Richie. It will be done at the local church, with no wedding music, probably no reception afterwards. She told m shes doing this now so she can get on Richies dental plan at work. He knows this. They are planning on having a real big wedding in the summer and this is just a "for now" wedding.

So it seems like everything is ok. But its not, i have such mixed feelings about this. Like why didnt she call me over the past two months?? She told me she lost my phone #. I've only lived in the same house for 10 years. ::sighs:: I dont know...input??

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Your such an inspiration for the ways that i will never ever choose to be

[Koliedrus]

Aside from the 2 months of silence, this whole thing sounds pretty positive.

1. You like the guy she's marrying
II. They've stuck together for eight years
C. You're mom wants you to be there

Hell yes, this is good news! Those two months were probably spent dicussing things like, "how should we tell Kayla?" and procrastinating until the last moment. If you've ever filed a tax return, you already know the feeling.

Best wishes to your mom and Richie. Sounds like this is something everyone wants to happen.

When you kiss her, give her another one with me in mind. You can tell her that "this is from Koliedrus" if you pronounce it correctly.

Kuh-lee-drus

Congrats http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

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Subdivided.

[MAC]

Koliedrus makes some good points.
And since this is your Mom, I suggest you take his advise.
You'll be happier and things will go smoother.

But my GUT reaction is that this is a pile of shit.
Your mom's been "with" this guy for 8 years...
and now suddenly her life requires her go through official channels to get something?
This whole arrangement stinks.
One of them didn't want to get married.
BUT they both accepted living together.

I've seen a lot of this and its never what they sit there holding hands and tell you it is. People can be fucked up interpersonally.

She hasn't called you for 2 months and now she has an excuse. Well all you can do about that is be mad. It don't help. But does she do stuff like this all the time? It sound like she was after shock value. My sister just did some stuff like this to me. I hung up. When she can act grown up about very grown up things she can call me.

Are you debating whether or not to be upset? If she treats you this way all the time you should be upset. If this is an isolated and unusual incident then you you should be a little upset that your pride won't let it go.

Just keep in mind these are her decisions. if you don't like them or if some part of them rubs you the wrong way, take note of it. DON'T REPEAT IT! Don't do what you see her doing that you don't like. I was in a band for 4 years. I met hundred of kids who hung out and got drunk or stoned and talked about how fucked up there parents were. Now I see them and they're doing what their fucked up parents did. DON'T BUY IT!

If its worst case scenario and you stand back and say "What a pile of Crap."
I advise you to smile and not argue with her. You can't change her mind. You can't make her act different. You can piss her off and make yourself feel bad. There is plenty of that in the rest of the world to make it happen to your family. She could be in a car crash tomorrow and you may not get to say goodbye and thank her for what ever happiness she gave you.
So wheteher this is a good or bad thing in your eyes just try to do like Koliedrus said and give her a big kiss.
And try to warn her in advance of your wedding.
http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif

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Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

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[Kayla]

ahh thank you both.

theMAC, ill fill you in a bit with me and my moms past. She only calls me when she needs something. She used to do drugs (maybe still does). I dont know whether to forgive her for all the shit shes put me through and feel bad inside, or yell at her and tell her what shes done to me and deal with the eternal guilt trip she'll give me for it. I have no clue what to do with her. I'm so upset

i should also add what her detailed reasons are for not calling me. around two months ago, I called her and asked her to cover for me since i was staying out all night. SO my dad thought i was with my mom. So she told me she hasnt called my phone line because she lost it and she didnt call the house line because she was afraid my dad had found out what happened and she didnt want to hear any shit.
did that make sense?

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Your such an inspiration for the ways that i will never ever choose to be

[This message has been edited by Kayla610 (edited 05-01-2001).]

[MAC]

Ahh,
the plot thickens.

Same answer tho.

You can get mad at her and disown her if you'd like.
But one day you'll be standing next to her corpse saying "I love you, goodbye."
So its up to you.

Just don't let her take away from the good things you do for yourself.

http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/wink.gif

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Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

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[Kayla]

theMAC, you are a truely wonderful person. The way you put my feelings into words was great. I will not hate her for what she has done to me, but move past it and hope she changes. I will go to her wedding tomorrow and cry tears of joy for her because she is going to marry someone who she loves. I will cry tears of sorrow because this is just another step further away from me. And many years down the line i will cry over her death. I will cry over the mother and potential friend that i have lost.

I cry a lot

(if that made no sense to any of you sorry, but it did make sense to me)

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Your such an inspiration for the ways that i will never ever choose to be

[Kayla]

well todays the big day :\ when i get home later i'll post the outcome..if anyones interested

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Your such an inspiration for the ways that i will never ever choose to be

[MAC]

cool
let us know how it went

and don't forget a detailed analysis of the FOOD http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif

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Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

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[Kayla]

ahh well, i was too drained emotionally to even turn on my computer last night so i figured i'd wait till morning.

THe actual wedding was small only 7 people including my mom and Richie. It was nice, they said their vows..blah blah blah, pretty uneventful...but thats how i wanted things to be throughout the night, uneventful

But unfortunately during the reception (which was just all of us going to a restaurant, nothing fancy) things got more eventful. After dinner I asked if we were going to have dessert, and my uncle, who is the biggst jackass, said "you don't need it honey" This was of course the first bad even of the night. I am very sensitive about my weight and everyone in my family knows it. So i got up from the table and walked away. My mom came after me and started yelling at me calling me a baby and to not be so damn sensitive. I told her to leave me alone so she did. I came back to the table a few minutes later and my grandma said to me "why dont you call me anymore?" (me and my grandma are in the same position as me and my mom phone calling wise) I told her if she wanted to talk to me that badly she would call my house line. I asked her if she thought she was wrong in not calling me and she said of course not. I told Bill (my boyfriend) to get his things because we were leaving. I started to walk outside with my mom and aunt following me. As soon as we got outside my mom started screaming at me about how selfis i was and that i ruined her wedding day. After that, she went back inside (only to talk shit about me, which i was told by Bill) MY aunt keeps me outside for a good 20 minutes telling me, that the only person that can make me happy in life is me and i that i shoud stop worrying about my grandma and my mom. THat i am not responsible for them. And that i should call them from now on once a week, just t be the better person. With tears streaming down my face, i tried to explain to her all the shit my mom has put me through. But she just kept telling me, to forget about them. Then she told me to go back in there and apologize to both of them. That was the hardest apology i ever spoke.

I'm not sorry, i dont think they deserved apologies. NOthing was resolved yesterday even though some people may have thought that it was. GOd only knows how much time i have left with my mom, i dont know what to do with that time. Its killing me to not be with her, but i think it would kill me more TO be with her.

i think i made things clear enough, if not ask questions...or comment...

but above all, thank you for listening to what i have to say, it means more then you could know.

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Your such an inspiration for the ways that i will never ever choose to be

[This message has been edited by Kayla610 (edited 05-05-2001).]

[This message has been edited by Kayla610 (edited 05-05-2001).]

[MAC]

Well dear,you survived.

And I hope one thing is crystal clear.
Your mom's family is taught to believe
(with the exception of this Aunt...)
That is all YOUR fault.
You are the screw up.
You are not living up to your potential.
You are making big mistakes and ruining everyone elses life.
NOT THEM! YOU!!

Do you see where I'm going?

My wife's mom and sister are EXACTLY the same. I could fill a book.
Follow these simple rules my wife has learned (the hard way) and things may smooth out.
1) Treat them like they are your neighbors.
You know who they are.
You know where they live and what they drive.
But you don't really know anything about them.
2) NEVER tell them anything that is actually important to you.
Master small talk and check in regularly to chit-chat. Nod and say "UMMHMM"
3) When they are haveing a good spell visit them and spend time with them but be damned sure you are too busy the rest of the time.
4) Do Not believe what ever they "tell" you about how their life has changed.
5) Expect nothing from them, offer nothing to them.
6) Don't lose One Minute of sleep because of anything they say.

Today my wife told me:

Excuses are bricks in a house of failure.

That's what her mom has done for her whole life.
Sounds like what your mom has done.

DON'T DO THAT.
http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif
Now forget about it.


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Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

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[Deadpool]

Those are good tips from theMAC.
My parents verbally abuse me and call me a loser. It doesn't effect me one bit. All you need to do is believe in yourself, believe that you are better those people. Then it doesn't matter what they say, anything that comes out of their mouth has no credibility what so ever. If they can't support you emotionally, as far as I'm concerned, they are useless. Just don't give a fuck about them.

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Fuck you I wont do what you tell me. -RATM

[Kayla]

you people are wonderful. You really are. It feels really good to talk about what im feeling with people that have a third party advantage.

Thank you again http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif
Kayla

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Your such an inspiration for the ways that i will never ever choose to be

[MAC]

The most important thing about not being like the people you hate is realizing that not everyone is like the people you hate.

You will find what your looking for in someone sooner or later.

As for being able to discuss your feelings:

The hardway is the slowest possible way to learn something. Use other people's experiences to avoid a lot of mistakes.

But don't get too upset when you do screw it up and learn the hardway.
http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif

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Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

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[This message has been edited by theMAC (edited 05-06-2001).]