Divorced Parents

[MAC]

I started to put some of this in my response to Kayla610, but it realy is its own topic.

Many (I dare to say most) of us have parents who have divorced.

Anyone who has done their geneology knows that our greatgrandparents generation is filled with multiple spouses. NOT primarily from divorce. But from atricion.
Take the Old West for example. PreIndustrial revolution America.
Out west the woman was most likely to die. They were more suseptable to infection and disease. Back East men were more like for an early grave due to poor working conditions. My family if full of that. The Immigrants on one side stayed in NY most of the women had several husbands. The other side of my family was out in the midwest Mississippi river valley. The graveyard is full of women and children.

Now my Mom and Dad got divorced after 22 years of marriage. My Mom tryed to explain it, but it sounded like crap. As it turns out she had cancer and felt she had missed out on a bunch of things.
My Dad had no intention of ending up single, but here he was. He didn't like it and he drank too much. After a while he got busy rebuilding himself finacially and personally. Now he has a new attitude about being single and 50. First of all he's met a lot of ladies who are 35-50 and divorced. Concensus is that they will live and be self sufficient until their kids are gone and then what they do is their own. They date but they don't "live together" and the don't "get serious". They already have veryu serious lives. They don't want to be more grown up they want to be younger. Free like a child. So they share personal time but not personal space.

There is, out there a group of middle aged, divorced men and women who are preserving there family, although, the other half of the family chose to leave.

I will not accept divorce. There have been a rash of threads this week about LOVE. Well guys it starts its self but you have to maintain it. Its not happily ever after unless you see it through to forever after. People wonder, what went wrong in that one? Guess.

let's here your divorce story.

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Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

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[PB]

my parents were married for 16 years before divorcing. My father is a very bad alcoholic, and spent alot of time in bars, i remember being like 10 years old and having to go with my mom to a bar in the middle of the night to get him, and then follow him home, praying that he made it there ok. At 11 I had to help her get him in the truck after a fight and 15 stitches to his head... He went off and played and found this lady names Laura who liked to do all these same things, well my mom walked into the bar one night (never smoked, doesn't drink, very relaxed woman my mother is) because he hadn't been home in 2 or 3 days, and here he is with this Laura lady, needless to say my mom told him that her children would not watch him do this to her, and that he needed to get his stuff out of her house! i think 3 weeks after their divorce was final, my dad remarried a different lady named Linda.. who he now has been married to for 10 years. My mom has been remarried to a man named John for 5 years now - Both are better off who they are with.. but what i don't understand is the disgust in my dad's voice when he speaks of my mother when it was his fault! I don't get it.

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Why do we love the one that hurts us? And hurt the one that loves us?

[Koliedrus]

AMEN!

Now this is what I call a Lesson!

Forgive me while I sit in the corner and spectate.

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Subdivided.

[Kayla]

god hearing all this shit just makes me want to cry. although i know my parents are 100% better off divorced, i still wish i would have been able to know what its like to have a family. what i have no is in shambles. I have a 58 yr old stepmother who is going through depression, shes had 2 nervous breakdowns, she fat, shes lazy, shes a bitch. my mom is a (see here comes the bride thread). Ugh...anyway..divorce story

i wasnt even one when my parents seperated. I was 3-4 maybe 5 when they actually divorced. But they stopped living together when i was about 1. I never knew what it was like to have a mom and dad in the same house. I kinda wish i could have that. although i do admit i have my own unique experiences because of what ive been through. ahh what an upsetting thread day

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Your such an inspiration for the ways that i will never ever choose to be

[King Bastard]

<FONT COLOR="Red">I dont know how many other members here are actual divrocees, so my take no things might be a bit unique around here.

It isnt always fun and glamour for those of us that signed the papers.

In truth, I have no idea of who my son is. I have not seen him in over a year. He lives with his mother, new dad, and new baby sister in Maryland while I rot away in FL. I have to live with the fact that he has a much more stable environment there than what I could offer him,and that helps to ease whatever pain I might feel. He should not be made to suffer for the fact that his mother and I fell apart as a couple. I may bitch about not being there for him, but I gladly take the pain if it saves him from doing so.

I never beat my wife, never went out on benders. Never strayed. It was she that found a new guy to love. And I allowed her to move away in search of happiness. Thinking that if she were happy, my son would be as well. One of the most horrible things I have had to see was my own childs crib set up in a boiler room of a house, for lack of anywhere else to keep it. I fliped out on her about it, but it didnt help at all.

Shit, I dont know what I want to get from all this. Let me just say again that it isnt always a rose colored view of the world after the divorce is final.</FONT c>

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Borne of sin, C',mon in... Andre Linoge; Storm of the Century

[MAC]

Now the story of my wife's parent's divorce.

Pathetic Fool meets Pretty Gal, falls in love gets married, gets job, gets house.
Pretty gal drinks, does drugs (its the 70's)
Pretty gal cheats on Pathetic Fool with his brother and gets pregnant.
They have a daughter that is fucked up for life. (Seriously she's her whole own thread.) They reconcil. Why? He's a pathetic fool and she feels sorry for him.
Pathetic Fool and Pretty Gal have a son. Good. Pathetic Fool and Pretty Gal have another daughter, who is unexpected and they almost abort it. (Future Mrs. theMAC)

Now the family is in place. Living happily (all things considered) in Pennsylvania.
One day Pathetic Fool comes home from work to find three kids and no Pretty Gal.
She moved to california to "get her thoughts together" (see: not deal with real life)
She comes back and says "Drop everything and move to Cali with me to save our family"
Pathetic Foll does as he's told. Once in Cali she divorces him.
He wanders western america changing jobs everytime he gets a feeling that there is something better. Dragging his kids along ignoring them while he works. Always demanding pity.
She goes boyfriend to boyfriend, husband to husband exposing her children to extreme poverty and physical abuse.

How did my wife turn out so good?

Morel: The game is decided by who plays it and how they are motivated.
http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/frown.gif

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Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

<IMG SRC="http://www.tyler.net/roguewarrior/images/macsnake.jpg" border=0>

[disturbed]

My parents divorced after 12 years of marriage. I was about 9yrs old. Just old enough to understand what was going on. I still remember the day they had their big fight and told me they were seperating. They locked me outside to play all day but I could still hear them yelling from outside. They tried a marriage councelor and everything but nothing worked, and that summer me and my 4 siblings moved with my mom to my grandparents house. The night we moved out I sat inside my empty room and just cried, until our peacher at the time took me out for ice cream while everyone else finished packing. Life at my grandparen's house was hell, I had just started 4th grade at a new very small school, and everything that happened was MY fault. My grandfather I was staying with was a preacher so of course we went to church every chance that we got. My mom met someone else, got married and we moved to another town. We lived there about a year and a half and then moved else where. He couldnt hold a job, and my mother did not work so it was hard. I came home from school one day and no one was home. I sat outside and a little while later my grandparents came to pick me up and told me my mother was in the hospital because my step-father at the time had beat her. This continued a few more months and it turns out he was a druggie also and he got my mother hooked on drugs. I told my mom that I wanted to go live with my dad that summer and she didn't take the news very well. I was 13 and able to make my own decision about who I wanted to live with. Once my dad found out about what was going on he filed for custody of me and my siblings. I had to talk to a lawyer about everything that was going on and even testify against my mom, and I have not forgiven myself for that. My mom could not afford a lawyer and after a full day of court my dad got custody of us and I started back to the same school I had gone to years ago. After the judge made her decision and everyone came out my mom was very very upset and my grandmother on my dads side said "at least they wont be around drugs down here." I felt like i had let my mom down. Soon after that my aunt told me why my parents had gotten divorced. Not long after my parents were married my mom cheated on my dad with my aunts husband. She got pregnate and until I was born no one knew who I actually belonged to. 10 years later it just got oo much for them to handle and they divorced. Its not a happy story and it has given me a different outlook on like. I have sworn that my kids will NEVER have to go through anything like that. EVER.

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I think the mistake a lot of us make is thinking the state-appointed psychiatrist is our "friend."
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[Rabble Rouser]

My mother filed for divorce a little over a year ago, but she has to wait for two years, because my father refuses to do so much as look at the papers. After two years, there's nothing he can do and the divorce will be finalized. I can't wait for it to be final.

Honestly, I don't understand why divorce rips the kids apart. I think it's going to be so much better. I'll be able to go to sleep at night without yelling and screaming going on around me. I won't have to separate the two of them when they start arguing in public. We could have vacations (we never could because they'd start arguing). The quality of life would be so much better.

I'm counting down til March of next year.

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"We must put an end to this. We've seen enough body bags and ballsacks." - Henry Kissinger