Well since everyone else has been talking about it

[PB]

the subject being love, or "true love"
What about if you love someone that is afraid to be loved from fear of the pain that it can cause? The saying it is better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all comes to mind.. but what is your perception of this?
Do you give up? Do you keep going? What do you do? and what is your definition of love, i think it is unconditional by all means, but in a case like this.... do you hide in fear of happiness because someone didn't appreciate what they had to begin with? Generally you don't know what you have until it is gone, but do you leave in hopes that the other person realizes this>? Or do you hang on praying one day the fear will die or atleast subside long enough to allow it to happen? If you have ever had your heart broken.... do you try and prevent love from happening. My personal opinion is that chance controls alot, and if you never take one, you may never know.... what do you guys think?


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Why do we love the one that hurts us? And hurt the one that loves us?

[Escape Artist]

Ahh...I know this one from experience.

Patience is key in a case like this, you have to show them that you're sincere, as well as be understanding of what they're dealing with. Pushing them won't work, they tend to shy away if you try. It takes time, and if you truly care the time will be worth it.

I've had my heart broken many times, but I'm not scared of another relationship. It was simply a learning experience that has taken a few years to deal with, but I'm far stronger for it.
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[This message has been edited by Escape Artist (edited 04-30-2001).]

[PB]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Escape Artist:
Ahh...I know this one from experience.

Patience is key in a case like this, you have to show them that you're sincere, as well as be understanding of what they're dealing with. Pushing them won't work, they tend to shy away if you try. It takes time, and if you truly care the time will be worth it.

[/quote]
ahhhh good point, and exactly how i try to look at it, but when someone holds your heart in the palm of their hand, sometimes the squeeze is almost too painful.
And what happens if all this time is for nothing? I try to look at it like, if a broken heart is to be received, atleast i have found one of the best friends i could possibly have in the process, but is that good enough?



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Why do we love the one that hurts us? And hurt the one that loves us?

[Koliedrus]

Been there.

(I really should get a new ten foot pole. This one seems to be broken)

Rely on the friendship primarily. Don't force things. Be patient and gentle. If they see that you won't hurt them, it'll work itself out (or "in", for that matter). Above all, don't cling. That shit just drives people away.

I'll shut up now.

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Subdivided.

[Escape Artist]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Psychotic _ Bitch:
<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Escape Artist:
Ahh...I know this one from experience.

Patience is key in a case like this, you have to show them that you're sincere, as well as be understanding of what they're dealing with. Pushing them won't work, they tend to shy away if you try. It takes time, and if you truly care the time will be worth it.

[/quote]
ahhhh good point, and exactly how i try to look at it, but when someone holds your heart in the palm of their hand, sometimes the squeeze is almost too painful.
And what happens if all this time is for nothing? I try to look at it like, if a broken heart is to be received, atleast i have found one of the best friends i could possibly have in the process, but is that good enough?

[/quote]

Look at it this way - It happened. No more, no less. Deal with the pain, don't just repress it; and absorb what you learned from all this for future consequences. Let me ask you something that'll make you think: is the part of you that notices that you're in pain hurting as well? Think about this, it has broader meaning than what I can give through simple description. Kol, I recommend the 15 foot model, it's much more efective.


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[PB]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Look at it this way - It happened. No more, no less. Deal with the pain, don't just repress it; and absorb what you learned from all this for future consequences. Let me ask you something that'll make you think: is the part of you that notices that you're in pain hurting as well? Think about this, it has broader meaning than what I can give through simple description.

[/B][/quote]

The best way for me to describe it... there isn't a part of me that doesn't hurt. My soul aches ..... it is more than a feeling of loosing something. That may not be what you meant for me to get out of it, but is what i did get. When you love someone completely, how can only a few pieces of you hurt? Heart, Mind, Body, and soul are all too closely intertwined!



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Why do we love the one that hurts us? And hurt the one that loves us?

[Escape Artist]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Psychotic _ Bitch:
<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Look at it this way - It happened. No more, no less. Deal with the pain, don't just repress it; and absorb what you learned from all this for future consequences. Let me ask you something that'll make you think: is the part of you that notices that you're in pain hurting as well? Think about this, it has broader meaning than what I can give through simple description.

[/quote]

The best way for me to describe it... there isn't a part of me that doesn't hurt. My soul aches ..... it is more than a feeling of loosing something. That may not be what you meant for me to get out of it, but is what i did get. When you love someone completely, how can only a few pieces of you hurt? Heart, Mind, Body, and soul are all too closely intertwined!

[/B][/quote]

Hmm...interesting way to put it.
Mind, body, and soul are intertwined, but the bonds between mind and soul are easily broken.

Allow me to rephrase my earlier question.

You describe your emotions. Obviously there's your thoughts, which you ponder all this, and your emotions. But is there not something else in there? Some part of you that looks at all this and tells your mind how you're feeling?

If there were only thoughts and emotions, you wouldn't know you felt this way. There's a fourth part besides mind, body and soul...and it's an observer. It is what tells you that you're in pain, lets you know that you need help, directs you to get advice.

Consider all this.

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[PB]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>
Hmm...interesting way to put it.
Mind, body, and soul are intertwined, but the bonds between mind and soul are easily broken.

Allow me to rephrase my earlier question.

You describe your emotions. Obviously there's your thoughts, which you ponder all this, and your emotions. But is there not something else in there? Some part of you that looks at all this and tells your mind how you're feeling?

If there were only thoughts and emotions, you wouldn't know you felt this way. There's a fourth part besides mind, body and soul...and it's an observer. It is what tells you that you're in pain, lets you know that you need help, directs you to get advice.

Consider all this.

[/B][/quote]

I have been thinking about this for a while, and trying to decide how to say what.... and an answer in words I can not find. My mind is numb as i have been on vacation!

But I do know how i feel about it, I know that i could tell you I am going to just get out... and know that I never will. I can tell you the love i carry is unconditional, and genuine.... and even if it ends, i will have a great friend as well. I suppose some chapters must be completely closed before a new novel begins. Thank you Fallen.... in the same situation would you stick around, i am sure that things will work out, and aren't bad at this time. Just curious on what everyone else would do.

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Why do we love the one that hurts us? And hurt the one that loves us?

[Escape Artist]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Psychotic _ Bitch:

I have been thinking about this for a while, and trying to decide how to say what.... and an answer in words I can not find. My mind is numb as i have been on vacation!

I'm not sure if this is necessarily a good thing. Could you clarify, however? Numb regarding just the love subject or otherwise? We've got ourselves many topics in one thread.

But I do know how i feel about it, I know that i could tell you I am going to just get out... and know that I never will. I can tell you the love i carry is unconditional, and genuine.... and even if it ends, i will have a great friend as well.

Ahh, good way to go about it. I'm glad you have it figured out.


I suppose some chapters must be completely closed before a new novel begins. Thank you Fallen.... in the same situation would you stick around, i am sure that things will work out, and aren't bad at this time. Just curious on what everyone else would do.

Huh?
[/quote]



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[PB]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Escape Artist:
<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Psychotic _ Bitch:

I have been thinking about this for a while, and trying to decide how to say what.... and an answer in words I can not find. My mind is numb as i have been on vacation!

I'm not sure if this is necessarily a good thing. Could you clarify, however? Numb regarding just the love subject or otherwise? We've got ourselves many topics in one thread.



But I do know how i feel about it, I know that i could tell you I am going to just get out... and know that I never will. I can tell you the love i carry is unconditional, and genuine.... and even if it ends, i will have a great friend as well.

Ahh, good way to go about it. I'm glad you have it figured out.


I suppose some chapters must be completely closed before a new novel begins. Thank you Fallen.... in the same situation would you stick around, i am sure that things will work out, and aren't bad at this time. Just curious on what everyone else would do.

Huh?
[/quote]

[/quote]

<FONT COLOR="Green">what i meant as being numb as in i can't figure out how to word it and actually be able to express what i am trying to say. looking at it written down looks kinda jumbled! My mind is usually numb, but numb not in that sense. As for the last part and the HUH? don't worry just me rambling on today, ya didn't miss anything important, because with out more detail to the situation you wouldn't quite understand what i was refering to. http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif </FONT c>

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Why do we love the one that hurts us? And hurt the one that loves us?

[Escape Artist]

Ooookaaay. Hi-yo! *stares at wall blankly*

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[MAC]

Um..
I tryed to read all that.
really, I did.

Here's my take on the original question.

How do you love someone who is afraids to love you back.

Honestly you don't.

I can give you a cookie or a dollar or a beer. But I can't give you love unless it comes back.
It's just like electricity.
No circuit unless its grounded. Without a ground you build up a charge. Something grounded gets near you and then
ZZZAAAPPPP!!!
Ground fault.
You just discharged.
Do that too many times and you just blew your breaker.

Hope that helps.


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Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

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[PB]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by theMAC:
Um..
I tryed to read all that.
really, I did.

Here's my take on the original question.

How do you love someone who is afraids to love you back.

Honestly you don't.

I can give you a cookie or a dollar or a beer. But I can't give you love unless it comes back.
It's just like electricity.
No circuit unless its grounded. Without a ground you build up a charge. Something grounded gets near you and then
ZZZAAAPPPP!!!
Ground fault.
You just discharged.
Do that too many times and you just blew your breaker.

Hope that helps.


[/quote]

<FONT COLOR="Blue">yes it does help! I didn't say that it isn't returned ... just is afraid to feel the things he already does. I don't know.. thanks for the advice, but i think that this question is difficult to answer in reference to me.. because you don't know the situation and that makes it difficult. As for the ZAPPPPP I am just taking it slowly, but atleast i know the pain would not be only on my end! And i guess that's all the answer i need! Thank you all for the response! Hope i didn't loose ya too much! </FONT c>

Is there a way to delete a thread?

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Why do we love the one that hurts us? And hurt the one that loves us?

[Dog Breath]

I can see you are in a lot of conflict here PB. I think he will eventually come around.
I also get the sense you are having trouble committing to him. It looks like you are searching for validation and escape. Possibly the reason he doesn't fully trust you is the fact that you don't fully trust him. You are fond of him and he is fond of you.
You are in pain because you want more than he is giving you but you don't seem like you want to meet him half way. He is covering up but you are doing the same. I think you need to resolve your feelings toward him. Keeping him a friend will be more painful than walking away. He will eventually find another partner whom you will despise.
My opinion is you should stick this thing out. build trust in him by opening up. Show him that you trust him and he will trust you back. If you can't do that you should back away and let him live his life and start looking ahead.
Do you think you can back off far enough to not be crushed when he takes up with that BITCH down the hall? I didn't think so.
The way I see it this is an all-or-nothing situation. Take off the gloves and get to work.

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Woof.
If it's so sick, why are you laughing?
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[PB]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Dog Breath:
I can see you are in a lot of conflict here PB. I think he will eventually come around.
I also get the sense you are having trouble committing to him. It looks like you are searching for validation and escape. Possibly the reason he doesn't fully trust you is the fact that you don't fully trust him. You are fond of him and he is fond of you.
You are in pain because you want more than he is giving you but you don't seem like you want to meet him half way. He is covering up but you are doing the same. I think you need to resolve your feelings toward him. Keeping him a friend will be more painful than walking away. He will eventually find another partner whom you will despise.
My opinion is you should stick this thing out. build trust in him by opening up. Show him that you trust him and he will trust you back. If you can't do that you should back away and let him live his life and start looking ahead.
Do you think you can back off far enough to not be crushed when he takes up with that BITCH down the hall? I didn't think so.
The way I see it this is an all-or-nothing situation. Take off the gloves and get to work.

[/quote]

<FONT COLOR="Orange">I really appreciate your advice here. I do not have a problem committing to him at all, I love him with everything that i am, and would be honored to know that forever he would be mine. So the committment issue is not on my side, but also you mentioned compromise, and i have done this, i lived there, and moved out for "space" issues cause of things moving too fast, and as soon as i moved i still virtually live there, and spend $500 a month in rent for no reason! As for the issue of pain in walking away compared to remaining friends. I will have him in my heart for eternity, and if a friend is all i can keep him as in my life, it will have to do if it ever comes to that..... as for watching him with some other Bitch down the hall, his fear is not of a relationship with me, but one in general. Thanks to the ex-wife! Stupid Cunt! ohhh.. did i say that? lol but , I do trust him! I appreciate your wise words here DB... thank you very much!</FONT c>

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Why do we love the one that hurts us? And hurt the one that loves us?

[Dog Breath]

You may not want it but you have my sympathy. You have a rough road behind and ahead. I hope for your sake thinks turn up. You have quite a few friends here also. http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

I will also do my best to realize how good I have it and praise my wife for how good she is to me. I'm a lucky bastard though I know not "Y".

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Woof.
If it's so sick, why are you laughing?
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[PB]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by Dog Breath:
You may not want it but you have my sympathy. You have a rough road behind and ahead. I hope for your sake thinks turn up. You have quite a few friends here also. http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

I will also do my best to realize how good I have it and praise my wife for how good she is to me. I'm a lucky bastard though I know not "Y".

[/quote]

<FONT COLOR="Purple">Thank you DB .... You are lucky to have a wonderful wife, and she is lucky to have you as well I am sure. Thank you for your sympathy, the road has been a long bumpy one thus far, but i have traveled this far... must keep going. I think it will turn out for the good, but is hard to deal with certain things when your heart is so involved! Thank you for the advice! </FONT c>

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Why do we love the one that hurts us? And hurt the one that loves us?