Sorry

[MAC]

If you and I are waiting on an elevator I will offer you the first entry.
If I bump into you in the mall (whether by accident or through my own inattentivness) I will say "Excuse me"
However, my mind is starting to change about "I'm Sorry"
You see, as I have grown up and my social groups have expanded I am finding that people I don't really know often get offended by something I say or do without their knowing why I said it or did it.
Often these people have been horribly treated by someone else in the past.
But when I say "I'm sorry"
and there is the slightest hint of sincerity in it those same people tend to get angry at me again and again.
They smell the blood in the water.
Or maybe they are venting to the first person who has shown any weakness.
Or maybe they are asserting their dominence.

Regardless I'm sick of having my apologies used against me.
Looking them in the eye seems to make it worse.
Talking directly to the person and connecting with them while offering my understanding of my own faults.

My Dad was insistant about looking someone in the eye when you were communicating something important to them.
Now it does me in.

I can hardly bring myself to do it anymore because it causes the other person to STOP listening and throw up their defenses.

This maybe something in my personality.
perhaps my motivation (being married and a father) has changed my face and I'm not genuinely sincere. Or I seem subversive.

Maybe I'm just an asshole.

Maybe I'm not very smart.

Maybe I don't like doing what I'm doing.

Regardless, I shall find more peace than this and will probably continue to apologize when it seems prudent.

Anybody else have this problem?

------------------
Don't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.

<IMG SRC="http://www.tyler.net/roguewarrior/images/macsnake.jpg" border=0>

[skalie]

I am always impeccably polite.

Twenty stuck up bitches can walk through doors that I've held open for them with their noses in the air, but a genuine thank you from a little old lady, acting surprised and giving you a gracious smile, more than makes up for it.

It's called style and class.

Not quite sure what your question was, theMAC, but it raised a few images.

Walk softly carry a big stick.

[Buddha's Penis!]

i agree with skalie. i have nothing currently to add, except that i thank people for giving me my change back in stores. i'm cursed with excessive politeness, but it's better than the alternative. in fact, there's no down-side. any negative feelings brought by these things are most definitely not my fault, and so cannot be controlled, and so should not be worried about.

------------------
you don't know anything until you know everything.

[King Bastard]

<FONT COLOR="Red">There's an additional bit of wisdom not often given with that one quote. Walk softly and carry a big stick, but be no afraid of swinging it at the heads of those who deserve it, sez I.

As far as the 20 chippies at the mall with the door, I'll be the 1st one to pipe up and say, very loudly, "You're welcome" Sometimes I feel like maybe by embarresing people into kindness, it may come to grow on them. But yea, it is really cool to get a nice warm smile from someone for doing something as small as holding the door. Makes me feel like we might still have a chance as a species.</FONT c>

------------------
Borne of sin, C',mon in... Andre Linoge; Storm of the Century

[Time Slipping]

Yeah, doing somthing like that, and getting a good response, an unexpected, warm smile, is always good. It is the reason you do it.

------------------
"Those who seek my life will be destroyed
They will go down to the depths of the earth
They will be given over to the sword
and become the food of the jackals"