Alone

[King Bastard]

It sucks being here. There are others in this palce with me, but we do not feel the need to talk about this thing we share. To reach out to one another, and ease the walls back. no, we would rather wallow in our own juices, to steep in the esscence of the misery we create for ourselves.

Every extended hand, lopped off. The further the reach is put out, the more the target recoils from the grasp. A simple walk down a city street illustrates the truth with a more vibrant color, for I am alone.

Children laugh and play, it warms me for a bit. I walk on, and the sounds of glee fade back into the past, melding with the din of traffic and my own thoughts. I was one of them once. Running, playing amongst my peers. But even then, I was alone. Even then, my need for acceptance smacked aside by the monster called popularity.

The street bends and turns and leads my to my home. The key turns, the lock yields to me. Doors open and close. An empty bed my destination, and relief from it all.

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[King Bastard]

Not sure if this was the right place for the above, but if it offends, I will move it. Thnaks.

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[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Wow. I am glad you did not post that on valentines day...I might have tried to slit my wrists with a twinkie http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif

[King Bastard]

Why dost thou mockest me, my fair arsed kiwi goddess?

I poureth my soul into a vessel of 1's and 0's. In return, I reap a false statment about self termination using a confection of Beelzebub... oh how it doth sitng my pride, or the tatters of it that remain.

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[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

<BLOCKQUOTE><HR>Originally posted by King Bastard:
Why dost thou mockest me, my fair arsed kiwi goddess?

I poureth my soul into a vessel of 1's and 0's. In return, I reap a false statment about self termination using a confection of Beelzebub... oh how it doth sitng my pride, or the tatters of it that remain.

[/quote]

Umm...err... because when I find something deep and soulfull enough to actually get a stir out of my hardened little heart, I usually try to flip it off with a smart remark so that the rest of you don't discover that I actually have feelings.


SSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHH. It's a secret OK.

[King Bastard]

S'cool, I wont tell....


Me and you kid, we know how it is.. http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/smile.gif

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[Mudflap]

<FONT COLOR="Orange">I can be nowhere near as poetic as KB, but his post has inspired me to share something with you all.

For the past 6.5 years, I have centered my identity in my job. I worked with the same organization through a period of growth, turmoil, and great injustice. When the going got tough, I always proved myself to be tougher. Where problems existed, I worked toward solutions. I had a reputation of being capable and dependable and I took pride in that. I sacrificed friends, family, free time, outside interests, and a social life in my furious dedication to my employer. I was working toward a payoff in the form of promotion/increased wages. I was thrown a bone every couple of years, but I was never allowed to perform in the capacity that I wanted to. I watched as many individuals zoomed ahead of me. Most were less capable, less qualified, and less dedicated than myself. Unfortunately in my chosen field of work, who you play golf with on Sundays can help you tremendously career wise. I don't play golf at all.

Last Friday was my last day of work with that organization. I had given two weeks notice and completed it. I am now looking for a new job in a fickle local market. Did I just bust my ass for the last 6.5 years for nothing?????

My decision to leave was the right one. I don't question that.

But who am I now? I am no longer Mudflap that works at Heads Up our Asses Inc. After all the years and sacrifice, who am I now?

I'll get another job and I'll be able to pay the bills, but will that be the end all and be all of my professional life? I had my eyes set on more lofty goals. I wanted to (and still want) to make a difference. I wanted to achieve success above and beyond that which is considered the norm in this area. My house needs new siding and windows and I can't fucking afford it.

I'm in a rut, and I desperately need to lift myself out of it. The sad reality is, as good as I am at what I do, that just isn't adequately valued in my line of work. I just might have to make myself comfortable in this rut and lower my expectations.

I'm sure I'll survive but I fear that mere survival is not enough.

Please do not feel compelled to respond to my above whining. I'm not fishing for a pep talk. Sometimes we just need to express ourselves for the sake of getting it off our chest.

Thanks for the thread KB.</FONT c>

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Please be gentle with me.
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[Rabble Rouser]

Mud, your thread made me look at my life right now...cause I'm headed in the same direction.

I've been working at this place for probably six years (not all of it full time...most of those years were helping out after school and such), and not to be conceited, but I think I do my job better than most other people there, and I certainly have a better work ethic than they do. Yet they're the ones who get the promotions, the money, the cushy jobs, paid vacations, etc. What have I gotten? None of that. It makes me wonder why I bust my ass if I'm not going to see a reward from it. Why would they rather have backstabbing idea-stealers who spend three quarters of the day making personal phone calls over someone who works hard and helps out whereever she's needed? It's not fair.

I know I need to get out, but I simply don't have the option until I have a car...which I plan on getting soon, but I'm stuck there til I go back to school in September. I want to move on, to further myself...but I don't know how.

Forgive my spelling...I'm tired and don't feel like correcting it.

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"God prefers people who travel in style." - Casket salesman

[Mr. Snrub]

I was popular

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There is something to be learned from a rainstorm. When meeting with a sudden shower, you try not to get wet and run quickly along the road. But doing such things as passing under the eaves of houses, you still get wet. When you are resolved from the beginning, you will not be perplexed, though you still get the same soaking.

[King Bastard]

Popularity and having a near endless supply of coke are not one in the same Snrub.

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Borne of sin, C',mon in... Andre Linoge; Storm of the Century

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[Mr. Snrub]

But one leads to the other

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There is something to be learned from a rainstorm. When meeting with a sudden shower, you try not to get wet and run quickly along the road. But doing such things as passing under the eaves of houses, you still get wet. When you are resolved from the beginning, you will not be perplexed, though you still get the same soaking.

[King Bastard]

I was loved in high school, and never had access to pound upon pound of coke. I got jipped.

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Borne of sin, C',mon in... Andre Linoge; Storm of the Century

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