Billyman
12-17-2001, 02:54 AM
THIS IS COPIED AND PASTED!!!!!!
friends & neighbors
dealing with trespassers
Arguably one of the biggest problems that we face in everyday life is people who don't understand the meaning of a polite "Get the hell off my land, faggot." Here at the trailer, I generally have about one person- or group of people- each week who think that just because I live near a woods, this is a park. I have five junked cars on the property, not counting the Camaro which almost runs. What kind of park has junked cars laying around?
Getting these people off your land is important. They might hurt themselves, then sue you. They might just be looking for free parts for a car or refrigerator. Or they might be trying to steal your old couch that's on the porch. Or they might just be interested in seducing your teenage daughters. You never can be too careful around queers and hippies.
Because of this, I've put together my best tips for dealing with trespassers. You might want to clip this to your refrigerator (the working one, in your kitchen).
Use "No Trespassing" signs liberally. Often, the value of these signs is greatly underestimated. However, you can point to them when the trespasser plays dumb. You can let out a hearty "Can't you read, boy?"
Never be caught without your gun. This is more important than you can imagine. Most hippies are afraid of guns and get real nervous around them. Throw alcohol into the mix for added effect.
If you're not drunk, act like you are.
Unless it's cold out, be sure that you're missing a piece of clothing, probably your shirt.
Cuss like a sailor, especially if the hippie brought his kids.
Don't point with your finger. Ever. Instead, use your gun or a cigarette (see picture on right).
Squint a lot, regardless of how bright the sun is.
Smoke. And if you absolutely can't, chew and spit a lot.
Make sure to have a couple of dogs tied up around the yard that will bark incessantly the whole time someone else is around.
Remember, no single solution is the best. You need to instead find the combination that works best for you. It's worth the effort.
------------------
"I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
--Albert Einstein
friends & neighbors
dealing with trespassers
Arguably one of the biggest problems that we face in everyday life is people who don't understand the meaning of a polite "Get the hell off my land, faggot." Here at the trailer, I generally have about one person- or group of people- each week who think that just because I live near a woods, this is a park. I have five junked cars on the property, not counting the Camaro which almost runs. What kind of park has junked cars laying around?
Getting these people off your land is important. They might hurt themselves, then sue you. They might just be looking for free parts for a car or refrigerator. Or they might be trying to steal your old couch that's on the porch. Or they might just be interested in seducing your teenage daughters. You never can be too careful around queers and hippies.
Because of this, I've put together my best tips for dealing with trespassers. You might want to clip this to your refrigerator (the working one, in your kitchen).
Use "No Trespassing" signs liberally. Often, the value of these signs is greatly underestimated. However, you can point to them when the trespasser plays dumb. You can let out a hearty "Can't you read, boy?"
Never be caught without your gun. This is more important than you can imagine. Most hippies are afraid of guns and get real nervous around them. Throw alcohol into the mix for added effect.
If you're not drunk, act like you are.
Unless it's cold out, be sure that you're missing a piece of clothing, probably your shirt.
Cuss like a sailor, especially if the hippie brought his kids.
Don't point with your finger. Ever. Instead, use your gun or a cigarette (see picture on right).
Squint a lot, regardless of how bright the sun is.
Smoke. And if you absolutely can't, chew and spit a lot.
Make sure to have a couple of dogs tied up around the yard that will bark incessantly the whole time someone else is around.
Remember, no single solution is the best. You need to instead find the combination that works best for you. It's worth the effort.
------------------
"I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
--Albert Einstein