a funny

[Billyman]

In a fourth floor apartment a couple had just awaken from there night of rest. (Both sleep in the buff). An argument (continued from the previous evening) blazed up again shortly after looking at on another. After yelling and cursing at each other for awhile, the girl becomes outraged and runs out of the room. The guy grumbling to himself sits on the edge of the bed then lays back on the mattress. He grabs a pillow and places it over his face to block the sunlight and ponder in the dark. The girl returns to the room with a kitchen knife in hand, but the guy doesn't see or hear her.

At the same time:

A gentleman is taking his four year old daughter to preschool. They are talking and enjoying the start of a new day.......

The girl seeing that he doesn't know she is there, creeps up to him and in one graceful movement cuts the guys dick off! She runs to the window and tosses it out!

A few seconds later:

In mid sentence there is a load thump on the windshield. It stays stuck for a moment, then flies over the car. Now dad is in total disbelief of what he just saw when......"WHAT WAS THAT DADDY!? WHAT WAS THAT"? (Trying to look calm) "Oh, it was just a bug dear". (The little girl looking confused) "Really?, damned if it didn't have a big dick didn't it"?




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"The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts."

- Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
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[Billyman]

To: Tech Support

Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of the phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3 and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I cannot seem to purge Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0, but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me?

Jonathan Powell


To: Mr. Powell

This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES AND ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its creator to run everything.

It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than their original system. Look in your manual under Warnings - Alimony / Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation.

Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPSs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The
best course of action will be to push the apologize button, then the reset button as soon as lock-up occurs. System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFS. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very
high maintenance.



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"I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
--Albert Einstein
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[TotalAnarchy]

right. I found the second better than the first. heh.

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"Savagely circling
His sword on all sides
Strikes his foes
Crushes them down
Thus drops each man
On whom its blow falls"

[Billyman]

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis......fifty times"

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"I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world."
--Albert Einstein
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