Asmodeus
10-18-2001, 01:50 AM
As seen on TV. The amazing Asmodeus!
Guys, have you ever wondered what women truly mean when they say things? And ladies, have you ever wondered what mean think about or truly mean when they say things. Now, you will.
Thanks to my almost omnipotent ability to read into the minds and hearts of men and women alike, I bring you THE TRUTH! And for this one time only, it will be free of charge. This service normally runs for 49.95 an hour. But, I am feeling generous today.
TRANSLATING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
Yes = preferably no, but yes in the mean time, but you will regret it later
No = Yes, but only if you convince me properly
Maybe = No, and you will regret for trying that
We need = I want
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain about what you are doing
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to, but if you do, you will hear about this later
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later, repeatedly
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, but I will wait for the worst possible time to gripe at you about it
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
You're so... manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive, or, I wrecked the car
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now, just agree with me and I won't gripe at you in front of your friends
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV, I'll be a while
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like
TRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH:
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage
I love you = Let's have sex now
I'm bored = Go get some beer then let's have sex.
What's wrong = I guess sex tonight is out of the question?
I love you, too = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now!
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you after this dance
Can I call you sometime? = Can I have sex with you tomorrow?
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you, but only after a good blood and guts flick to get me in the mood
Can I take you out to dinner? = And I expect to get some sex after spending all that money
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next ten minutes
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I am gay
There you have it ladies and gentlemen. The TRUTH!
Oh, I also work on commission, so please buy my book that should be in a bookstore near you.
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If it weren't for my ass, I would be stupid.
[This message has been edited by Asmodeus (edited 10-17-2001).]
Guys, have you ever wondered what women truly mean when they say things? And ladies, have you ever wondered what mean think about or truly mean when they say things. Now, you will.
Thanks to my almost omnipotent ability to read into the minds and hearts of men and women alike, I bring you THE TRUTH! And for this one time only, it will be free of charge. This service normally runs for 49.95 an hour. But, I am feeling generous today.
TRANSLATING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
Yes = preferably no, but yes in the mean time, but you will regret it later
No = Yes, but only if you convince me properly
Maybe = No, and you will regret for trying that
We need = I want
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need to talk = I need to complain about what you are doing
Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to, but if you do, you will hear about this later
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later, repeatedly
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, but I will wait for the worst possible time to gripe at you about it
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
You're so... manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive, or, I wrecked the car
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now, just agree with me and I won't gripe at you in front of your friends
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV, I'll be a while
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like
TRANSLATING MEN'S ENGLISH:
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Nice dress = Nice cleavage
I love you = Let's have sex now
I'm bored = Go get some beer then let's have sex.
What's wrong = I guess sex tonight is out of the question?
I love you, too = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now!
May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you after this dance
Can I call you sometime? = Can I have sex with you tomorrow?
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you, but only after a good blood and guts flick to get me in the mood
Can I take you out to dinner? = And I expect to get some sex after spending all that money
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to have sex with you in the next ten minutes
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I am gay
There you have it ladies and gentlemen. The TRUTH!
Oh, I also work on commission, so please buy my book that should be in a bookstore near you.
------------------
If it weren't for my ass, I would be stupid.
[This message has been edited by Asmodeus (edited 10-17-2001).]