Ask The Rapist

[Zombie]

Dear Dr. Rapist,

I have met a wonderful girl with a little bit of a <a href="http://www.portalofevil.com/galleries/beckowitz.shtml">troubled youth</a>. Things have been going swimmingly for the last two months, but I have noticed a problem that I am not sure how to discuss with her. She keeps trying to get me to suck my own toes, it seems to get her off. I personally don't like to do it; I have terrible toe jam. How can I approach her about this without ruining our blossoming romance? I think I love her!

Sincerely,
Toe-tally Confused

[MuffyTheVampyreLayer]

Dear Rapist,

My flat mate can't cook and seems to be allergic to the vaccum cleaner. Is there anyway I can house train her? Should I just insure her and kill her instead???

[Koliedrus]

My Dearest Rape Guy,

A short time ago I was overcome by an uncanny desire to mix asparagus with a microwavable pasta and cheese product. Although the combination was quite tasty, my lactose intolerance and smelly urine seems to have offended those around me.

Should I consider building a new addition to my house or do you think they'll be ok locked in the basement?

Sincerely,

Kol

[The Rapist]

As you said "..I don't like to do it (sucking my own toes)" It's a matter of taste. If you want her then get used to it. If not, dump her. The fact that you did suck your toes to begin with only means I'll have to knock some sense into her head later down the road if she stays with you.

"Why does a dog lick his own balls......"
Originally posted by Zombie:
Dear Dr. Rapist,

I have met a wonderful girl with a little bit of a <a href="http://www.portalofevil.com/galleries/beckowitz.shtml">troubled youth</a>. Things have been going swimmingly for the last two months, but I have noticed a problem that I am not sure how to discuss with her. She keeps trying to get me to suck my own toes, it seems to get her off. I personally don't like to do it; I have terrible toe jam. How can I approach her about this without ruining our blossoming romance? I think I love her!

Sincerely,
Toe-tally Confused

[The Rapist]

How much will you insure her for?

"There's always a buck to be made"
Originally posted by MuffyTheVampyreLayer:
Dear Rapist,

My flat mate can't cook and seems to be allergic to the vaccum cleaner. Is there anyway I can house train her? Should I just insure her and kill her instead???

[The Rapist]

First, drop the "dearest" stuff. I'm not empathetic or comforting. Second, since you enjoy that food so much, continue to eat as much of it as you want. Only those who truely like you will stick around. This will save you both money by not having to build an addition to the house, as well as free up your time from having to feed those you've locked in the basement.

"if a snake bites your dick, you'll soon find out who your true friends are"
Originally posted by Koliedrus:
My Dearest Rape Guy,

A short time ago I was overcome by an uncanny desire to mix asparagus with a microwavable pasta and cheese product. Although the combination was quite tasty, my lactose intolerance and smelly urine seems to have offended those around me.

Should I consider building a new addition to my house or do you think they'll be ok locked in the basement?

Sincerely,

Kol

[Koliedrus]

Originally posted by RogueWarrior:
Well, that took off exactly as I had expected. Should I just give The Rapist his own Forum right now? http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif



What the hell. Fire away http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif



------------------
Character is like a fence - it cannot be strengthened by whitewash.

[The Rapist]

Thanks.

"We have met the enemy and it is us"-Pogo

Originally posted by Koliedrus:
What the hell. Fire away http://www.thehypertribe.net/ubb/biggrin.gif