Rabble Rouser
09-15-2001, 02:56 AM
As you all know, today was marked as a Day of Rememberance for all those that lost their lives in the terrible tragedy that took place on Tuesday.
I was very fortunate to have not known anyone who was involved, but I felt (and still feel) the pain of those who were. I felt very sick all day Thursday, almost to the point of not being able to function. I am not a religious person, but I prayed for the victims and their families. I have donated money to the Red Cross and will donate more to the NY Firefighter's Fund (http://store.yahoo.com/firedonations/) , and would donate blood if I was allowed to (I'm anemic). But part of healing is knowing when to move on, and I'm ready to do that.
The problem is, whenever I do something pleasurable or go out and do things I used to do all the time, I feel this intense guilt, like I'm being insensitive. My mother threw a massive guilt trip on me tonight because I wanted to watch the Simpsons instead of watching the news recap information I've already seen 10 times today. I've lost a lot of people in my life, and I've always been the one that bounced back the fastest (usually long before everyone else).
Am I being insensitive? I feel like I haven't done anything to help anybody, but I have. I just want to get on with my life. I want to have fun without feeling guilty about it. I don't want to be a bad person. But I don't know how.
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"Daddy?"
"Son, Daddy's trying to score with a cheap floozie right now, so cram a tinkertoy in it." - Bender
I was very fortunate to have not known anyone who was involved, but I felt (and still feel) the pain of those who were. I felt very sick all day Thursday, almost to the point of not being able to function. I am not a religious person, but I prayed for the victims and their families. I have donated money to the Red Cross and will donate more to the NY Firefighter's Fund (http://store.yahoo.com/firedonations/) , and would donate blood if I was allowed to (I'm anemic). But part of healing is knowing when to move on, and I'm ready to do that.
The problem is, whenever I do something pleasurable or go out and do things I used to do all the time, I feel this intense guilt, like I'm being insensitive. My mother threw a massive guilt trip on me tonight because I wanted to watch the Simpsons instead of watching the news recap information I've already seen 10 times today. I've lost a lot of people in my life, and I've always been the one that bounced back the fastest (usually long before everyone else).
Am I being insensitive? I feel like I haven't done anything to help anybody, but I have. I just want to get on with my life. I want to have fun without feeling guilty about it. I don't want to be a bad person. But I don't know how.
------------------
"Daddy?"
"Son, Daddy's trying to score with a cheap floozie right now, so cram a tinkertoy in it." - Bender