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King Bastard
01-13-2001, 04:53 AM
I was watching that movie earlier today, and noticed that in the extra features, all the laugauage options were still in english. so with some helps *nods* I have come up with a farce.... this will be long, and I wont post the rest unless you guys dig the vibe....


I now bring you, American History Jive....


YOUR JIVE:

I-N-fuckin'-T. C-R-I-fuckin'-B - C-L-O-S-E-fuckin'-D E-Y-E-fuckin'-S


Some jailbait dude's blue eyes slow-like jimmey. No diggety. Some goat moans
from da next room.

E-X-fuckin'-T. A-Dubba-L-E-fuckin'-Y C-O-R-N-E-fuckin'-R - Some F-A-T-A-Dubba-S
T-I-R-fuckin'-E

turns da corna' an' splashes through some puddle from some
earlia' rain. T-U-P-A-fuckin'-C S-H-A-K-U-fuckin'-R blares from inside.

I-N-fuckin'-T. C-R-I-fuckin'-B - T-I-G-H-fuckin'-T O-N D-A E-Y-E-fuckin'-S

They snap wide as da jailbait ho in da next room M-O-A-N-fuckin'-S even louda'.

E-X-fuckin'-T. Wank, wank. V-E-N-I-C-fuckin'-E B-E-A-C-fuckin'-H
C-R-I-fuckin'-B - Some W-E-fuckin'-T N-I-G-H-fuckin'-T

Some slight buzz emanates from da powa' lines an' alley
lights above da damn humble V-I-N-Y-A-R-fuckin'-D household. Some ebony
F-O-R-fuckin'-D B-R-O-N-C-fuckin'-O rests in da driveway.

E-X-fuckin'-T. 'S all good. W-E-fuckin'-T A-Dubba-L-E-fuckin'-Y - Some
G-R-A-fuckin'-Y T-R-A-N-fuckin'-S B-E

T-U-P-A-C-fuckin'-S rappin' builds. Da window-tinted roll-by
slow-like thinka's waaay down da residential alley, cruises past da damn Bronco
in da driveway, an' slows t' some stop. Da beat stops an' D-E-U-C-fuckin'-E
E-B-O-N-fuckin'-Y D-U-D-E-fuckin'-S sprin' from da Caddy.

They move wit' purpose. Da larga' figure, crowbah' in
hand, moves t' da damn truck. Da H-E-A-fuckin'-T wieldin' shotgun hurries t' da
damn front do' an' stands guard. Inside da damn
Caddy, anotha' dude methodical-like waits.

I-N-fuckin'-T. B-E-D-R-Dubba-O-fuckin'-M - D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y VINYARD'S
E-Y-E-fuckin'-S

Da sex goin' down in da next room makes it difficult 4
Danny t' shut-eye. Next t' some digital clock dat eyeballs
3, dig dis:0-7-A-fuckin'-M, da clain cut 14-yaih'-played out flips t' wassups
side.

Some posta' o' Lee Vin' o' F-E-A-fuckin'-R onstage, taped t' da damn wall.
Pre-Calculus an' Biology books on da flo'. Cassettes
scattered on wassups tiny desk. Some stereo in da corna'. Da bomb!

Da off-screen sound o' braikin' glass grabs Danny's
attenshun. Woah, Nellie! He sits down an' peeks through da damn blinds.

E-X-fuckin'-T. Step up. C-R-I-fuckin'-B - S-A-M-fuckin'-E

Danny S-P-O-T-fuckin'-S some dude raich through da damn broken window an'
unlock da do'. He quick-like. pans t' da damn idlin' Trans Be. Ah be baaad...

I-N-fuckin'-T. D-A-Dubba-N-Y-fuckin'-S B-E-D-R-Dubba-O-fuckin'-M -
T-I-G-H-fuckin'-T O-N D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y

Wassups fearful 'espression says it all.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Holy shit.

Danny quick-like bolts out o' wassups room an' into da adjacent
bedroom waaay down da hall. He barges through da damn do'.

I-N-fuckin'-T. D-E-R-E-K-fuckin'-S B-E-D-R-Dubba-O-fuckin'-M - Some
N-A-Z-fuckin'-I I-R-O-fuckin'-N E-A-G-L-fuckin'-E B-A-Dubba-T-L-fuckin'-E
F-L-A-fuckin'-G

It hangs above some serious doodad an' next t' some giant,
tome-filled bookshelf. Yo' mama. Da moans, mainwhile, approach
orgasm.

T-I-G-H-fuckin'-T O-N D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K V-I-N-Y-A-R-fuckin'-D. Da jailbait dude
has some shaved thinka', some thick goatee, an' some well-crafted SWASTIKA on
wassups left tit. On top o' Derek in da bed be wassups barely-o'-age
baby, S-T-A-C-E-fuckin'-Y. Da cova's be complete-like off an' some
E-B-O-N-fuckin'-Y R-O-S-fuckin'-E be tattooed across ha' right shoulda' blade.
Danny watches ha' fuck, only 4 some second.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
(down low, soft-like)

Da' !

Danny ankles ova' an' shakes him. Startled, Derek
forceful-like grabs wassups tiny-ass brotha's arm.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
(down low, controlled)

Whut?

Stacey stops an' peeks ova'. Ah be baaad... Frustated, she rolls off Derek
an' onto ha' side.

S-T-A-C-E-fuckin'-Y
Fuckin' puh'vert, Dan! What a ripoff.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Dair be some ebony guy outside Da'...
braikin' into yo' Caddy.

Derek, muscled an' tattooed, jumps out o' da damn bed an'
quick-like puts on wassups skivvies. What it is, Mama! He raiches unda'
wassups mattress, pulls out some S-I-fuckin'-G .45 semi-automatic steel, an'
shoves in some clip.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
How long has he been out dair?

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Not long.

S-T-A-C-E-fuckin'-Y

Who?


D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
Nobody. Relax.

Stacey sits down quick-like from da bed as Derek pulls on wassups ebony combat
boots.

S-T-A-C-E-fuckin'-Y
Who's out dair, Derek?

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
Not right now, honey.
(down low, t' Danny)
How many? Word.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
One...I think.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
Be he strapped?

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Hunh?

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
Duz he have some fuckin' heat, Dan?

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
I aint shaw.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
Be dair some driva'?

Danny nods wassups thinka' damn straight.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
Coo'. Stay da luck in da house.

S-T-A-C-E-fuckin'-Y
Derek? Be careful. Yo' mama.

He peeks at wassups baby an' ankles off.

I-N-fuckin'-T. H-A-Dubba-L-W-A-fuckin'-Y - S-A-M-fuckin'-E

T-I-G-H-fuckin'-T O-N D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K. He ankles waaay down da hall. 'S
coo', bro. Da intensity on wassups face be alarmin'. He stops at da damn front
do' an'
grabs da do'knob. B4 he turns da knob, he peeks
through da damn eye hole on da do'.

E-X-fuckin'-T. C-R-I-fuckin'-B - D-E-R-E-K-fuckin'-S E-Y-fuckin'-E
P-O-fuckin'-V

D-A E-B-O-N-fuckin'-Y G-U-A-R-fuckin'-D careless-like turns toward da damn
driveway t' spot whut's snatchin' wassups partna' so's long wit' da damn wires.

I-N-fuckin'-T. C-R-I-fuckin'-B - D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K A-T D-A D-Dubba-O-fuckin'-R

Da guard has wassups back t' him. Derek goes.

E-X-fuckin'-T. 'S coo', bro. C-R-I-fuckin'-B - D-A D-U-E-fuckin'-L

Derek throws jimmey da do' an' da damn ebony dude standin'
guard wheels an' fires some busted a cap in into da front do'. Derek buries
deuce caps in wassups chest.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
Fuck yo' ass!

Da force propels da dude six feet backwards.

I-N-fuckin'-T./E-X-fuckin'-T. B-R-O-N-C-fuckin'-O - D-A O-T-H-E-fuckin'-R
D-U-D-fuckin'-E

Stunned by da gunfire, he charges back t' da damn getaway
Tranny. Ah be baaad... Derek buries some cap into wassups shoulda'. Amen! Da
Caddy splits an' Derek fires some busted a cap in through da damn side window.
He den ankles towards da Caddy an' fires busted a cap in
afta' busted a cap in at it until it disappears.

I-N-fuckin'-T. Word to yo' mama. V-I-N-Y-A-R-fuckin'-D HOUSEHOLD - DARKNESS

Davina an' Doris Vinyard yell in da background likes they
wuz in Vietnam. They meet in da hallway, still not
able t' place da damn direcshun o' da damn gunfire.

D-A-V-I-N-fuckin'-A

M-O-fuckin'-M!!!!

D-O-R-I-fuckin'-S
S-T-A-fuckin'-Y WAAAY DOWN, H-O-N-E-fuckin'-Y! Word to yo' mama.
D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y?!

They stay waaay down on da carpet togetha'.

E-X-fuckin'-T. Slap me some skin. B-E-D-R-Dubba-O-fuckin'-M -
D-A-Dubba-N-Y-fuckin'-S P-O-fuckin'-V

From da rain-soaked window he watches Derek face wassups
wounded prey - crawlin' on da ground. Sirens sound from
some distance.

S-T-A-C-E-fuckin'-Y (down low, O.S.)
Git waaay down, Danny! Brotha' Jesus!

T-I-G-H-fuckin'-T O-N D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y. Wassups gaze be locked on wassups
brotha' from wassups bedroom window. Derek bones wassups piece, points it an'
ankles toward da damn dude.

T-I-G-H-fuckin'-T O-N D-E-R-E-K-fuckin'-S F-A-C-fuckin'-E. Eyes blisterin'.

F-A-D-fuckin'-E T E-B-O-N-fuckin'-Y, dig dis:

T-R-E-fuckin'-Y Y-E-A-R-fuckin'-S L-A-T-E-fuckin'-R

E-X-fuckin'-T. B-A-C-O-fuckin'-N S-T-A-T-I-O-fuckin'-N - EARLY-LIKE A-M

Some ebony dude in some suit an' tie, R-O-B-E-R-fuckin'-T
S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y, goes through da damn automatic do's an' into da
stashun. He
approaches some D-E-S-fuckin'-K SERGEANT. Some daily calendah' on ha' desk
eyeballs M-O-N-D-A-fuckin'-Y. M-A-R-C-fuckin'-H 3. 1997.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Captain Rasmussen? What it is, Mama!

D-E-S-fuckin'-K SERGEANT
Briefin' room. Step off, Pharoah. Waaay down dat hall...third
do' on da left.

I-N-fuckin'-T. Step up. BRIEFING R-Dubba-O-fuckin'-M - Some
M-Dubba-E-T-I-N-fuckin'-G

Cops an' detectives sit attentive-like an' some few sip coffee.
Da clock on da wall above eyeballs 7, dig dis:38 B-E. What it is, Mama!
Middle-aged wit' slicked-back 'fro, C-A-P-T-A-I-fuckin'-N J-O-H-fuckin'-N
RASMUSSEN finishes some thought. He spots Sweeney as he enta's an' aimless-like
raiches 4 some stash.

RASMUSSEN
All right. Movin' on--
(down low, acknowledgin')
Badass A.m., Docta'.

Da group peeks ova' an' meets Sweeney's rock glare.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Badass a.m..

RASMUSSEN
Gentlemen, dis be Dr. Fuckin' A! Bob Sweeney.
He be Principal ova' at Venice High an'
4 some kinda' time now he be done some load o'
outraich work wit' gangs...in an' out
o' da damn kin. Fuck dat shit.

Sweeney nods as Rasmussen cough. He sips wata' an'
continues.

RASMUSSEN
Trey years ago some local kid named
Derek Vinyard gits sent down 4
187in' some couple o' Crips who wuz
tryin' t' jack wassups Caddy. Bob learn'd
Vinyard back in high school an' has
followed da damn case close-like.

JAILBAIT C-O-fuckin'-P
He wuz some skinhaid, right?

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Derek wuz mo' likes...da skinhaid.
He an' Cameron Alexanda'.

C-O-fuckin'-P #2

Who?

Rasmussen jimmeys some S-T-A-S-fuckin'-H in front o' him. Dair rests Derek's
mug busted a cap in. Step off, Pharoah. He flips it ova' an' reveals
CAMMERON'S M-U-fuckin'-G BUSTED A CAP IN. Slap mah 'fro! Front an' side view.

RASMUSSEN
Cammeron Alexanda' be probably da
biggest writa' an' distributa' o'
pale powa' literature in L-A County. What it is, Mama!
He promotes pale powa' bands, scribbles
reviews, columns, all at da damn ripe age
o' forty.

JAILBAIT C-O-fuckin'-P
(down low, smilin')
He be forty? Brotha' Jesus. Step off, Pharoah.

RASMUSSEN
Pretty clain vinyl...runs everythin'
out o' wassups crib waaay down by da baich.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Dair weren't no organized pale
gangs around Venice b4 dose-dair deuce
hooked down. Real damn few, if no. It wuz
most-like plum ebony an' Mexican. But it
wuz tiny. They hit it off though...
an' Alexanda' hit da damn jackpot wit'
Derek.

Rasmussen raiches ova' an' pushes play on some V-C-fuckin'-R.

RASMUSSEN
We gots some kinda' uncut footage in da house. Step off, Pharoah. Courtesy o'
N-B-fuckin'-C.

O-N D-A IDIOT BOX--

REPORTER
Earlia' dis prime time...L-A County
Firefighta' Dennis Vinyard wuz busted a cap in
an' wasted while puttin' out some fire in
some suspected Compton drug den.

RASMUSSEN
(down low, t' da damn group)
Dis bein' February o' '90.

E-X-fuckin'-T. V-I-N-Y-A-R-fuckin'-D HOUSEHOLD - Some L-I-V-fuckin'-E BROADCAST
- VIDEOTAPE

Some JAILBAITER D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K, short 'froed wit' no tattoos, stands next t'
da damn reporta'. What it is, Mama! Derek wears some Venice High Hoop jersey
drenched in sweat. Fuck dat shit. Towel around neck, he thinks t' himself as
da dude jives into da camera.

REPORTER
T' mah right I have Lieutenant
Vinyard's played outest boy Derek.
(down low, t' Derek)
How do yo' ass feel about all dis, boy?

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
How do I feel? How do yo' ass think I
feel? It be typical.

REPORTER
Typical how, Derek?

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
Well...peek at our country. It be some
haven 4 gangsta's. Ebony...brown...
yellow...whateva'.

REPORTER
So's u r sayin' da 187 o' yo'
daddy-O be "race" related? Amen!

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
Every bug-up-da-ass in dis country be
"race" related. Amen! Every bug-up-da-ass, not
plum crime. Dese-he'ah bugs-up-da-ass be rooted
in da ebony community, da Hispanic
community, da Asian...every non-
Protestant group in our society.
(down low, den)
Peek at da damn shit. Immigrashun...
federal cheese...A-I-D-fuckin'-S...they be all da
bugs-up-da-ass o' da damn non-pale. Peek at da damn statistics.

REPORTER
Most o' dese-he'ah issues u r referrin'
t' though boy be related t'--

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
(down low, interruptin')
No no no! Don' u say poverty right now
cause dat's not it. They be not some
product o' our fuckin' environment
eitha'! Minorities duzn't give deuce
shits about dis country! They be
in da house t'esploit...not embrace.

RASMUSSEN (down low, O.S)
(down low, ova' reporta's quesshun)
When Alexanda' gots wassups hands on dis
segment...he xeroxed it, sent it out
an' it became da damn Gettysberg Address
4 hate groups across da country.

B-A-C-fuckin'-K T D-A IDIOT BOX.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
Millions o' pale Europains came t'
dis country an' flourished within some
generashun! Some generashun! So's whut da damn fuck be wrong wit' dese-he'ah
sucka's?!

REPORTER
Whut duz no o' dis got'ta do wit'
yo' daddy-O?

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
Becuz mah daddy-O wuz doin' wassups
fuckin' 9-to-5! Savin' some fine, upstandin' gentle-nigga'
ghetto he didn't give deuce shits
about! An' he gots wasted by some kinda' drug
deala' who still collects some fuckin'
federal cheese check.

Derek peeks at da damn dude an' ankles ova' t' W-A-Dubba-S-U-P-fuckin'-S
M-A-M-fuckin'-A D-O-R-I-fuckin'-S, who puffs some canca' stick. Da camera
follows him as he puts wassups arm around ha' an' escorts ha' back inside
deir Venice Baich residence. Da camera pans back t' da damn reporta' who plum
stands dair, speechless.

I-N-fuckin'-T. BRIEFING R-Dubba-O-fuckin'-M - S-A-M-fuckin'-E

Rasmussen ejects da tape, da screen turns t' fuzz, an'
he turns it off.

RASMUSSEN
Vinyard wuz quiet-like relaised from
Chino on Saturday afta' trey an' some kinda'
odd years. An' I think it be sump'n
we might wanna keep some eye on 4 some
few days. Word to yo' mama.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
I duzn't wanna be some alarmist. True dat. But
payback be out dair. I know it be. Slap mah 'fro!
An' in dis particulah' case...if
Vinyard gits popped...mo' sucka's will
git popped.

RASMUSSEN
It be not 'esact-like L-A-P-fuckin'-D policy but I
want 24-hour surveillance on Vinyard
4 some few days.

C-O-fuckin'-P #2
(down low, smilin' in disbelief)
Twenty-foe hour surveillance, sir?

RASMUSSEN
Plum 4 some few days.

A-N-O-T-H-E-fuckin'-R C-O-fuckin'-P
He doesn't sound likes Mr. Step off, Pharoah. Love-like in da house, Captain.
Yo' ass want us t' bust him o'
protect him?

Rasmussen offa's Sweeney some peek dat it be wassups quesshun.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
I duzn't think Vinyard's gonna be da damn
one t' start anythin'. It be wassups
followin'.

RASMUSSEN
Eitha' way...let's keep it low.

C-U-fuckin'-T T, dig dis:

E-X-fuckin'-T. V-E-N-I-C-fuckin'-E B-E-A-C-fuckin'-H BOARDWALK - A-M

PEACEFUL D-A-fuckin'-Y by PENNYWISE blasts from Danny's walkman
haidphones. No diggety. Da day be cloudy an' overcast but dat
doesn't botha' da local S-U-R-F-E-R-fuckin'-S. Some twosome paddles nort' t'
git some betta' braik on da next set. Danny
watches as he skatebo'ds waaay down da strand.

Wassups appearance be changed, now resemblin' some jailbaita',
softa' Derek.

Thinka' shaved t' some quarta' o' some inch, he wears some P-L-A-I-fuckin'-N
P-A-L-fuckin'-E BACKPACK wit' punk/pale powa' bands scribbled all ova' it. Yo'
standard Sex Steels, D-K, Germs, G.B.M.,
an' Adolescents in ebony. Cro-Magnons an' Skrewdriva'
off t' da damn left. In red be da damn largest name, W-Dubba-O-fuckin'-D
N-I-X-O-fuckin'-N.

C-U-fuckin'-T T, dig dis:

E-X-fuckin'-T. Ya' know? V-E-N-I-C-fuckin'-E H-I-G-fuckin'-H
S-C-H-Dubba-O-fuckin'-L - D-A B-I-K-fuckin'-E C-O-Dubba-R-A-fuckin'-L

Kids from all ankles o' life park deir Caddys, lock deir
bikes an' thinka' off t' class.

E-X-fuckin'-T. H-A-Dubba-L-W-A-fuckin'-Y - T-I-G-H-fuckin'-T O-N Some THRASHED
L-O-C-K-E-fuckin'-R

Danny throws wassups SKATEBOARD in, slams da do', an' turns
t' face L-I-Dubba-Z-fuckin'-Y, some pretty, redhaided fresh-nigga'.

L-I-Dubba-Z-fuckin'-Y
Wassup Danny.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Hey Lizzy.

Da deuce smile at one anotha' as da F-U-S-fuckin'-T B-E-Dubba-L
R-I-N-G-fuckin'-S.

C-U-fuckin'-T T, dig dis:

I-N-fuckin'-T. True dat. S-C-H-Dubba-O-fuckin'-L BAFFROOM - Some
U-R-I-N-A-fuckin'-L

Danny snatchs some piss. Outside, some voice plaids "It waint
me!" D-A-R-Y-fuckin'-L D-A-W-S-O-fuckin'-N, pale an' thin, be shoved into da
baffroom an' he trips into da sink. TINY-ASS H-E-N-R-fuckin'-Y, some jailbait
ebony kid, enta's wit' deuce o' wassups buddies. Danny
zips down an' faces them.

TINY-ASS H-E-N-R-fuckin'-Y
(down low, t' some terrified Daryl)
Tellin' Baka' I is fuckin' cheatin'?
I've neva' cheated in mah life.

B-U-Dubba-D-fuckin'-Y #1
Whup' wassups ass, Henry!

TINY-ASS H-E-N-R-fuckin'-Y
Y yo' ass trippin' on me?

D-A-R-Y-fuckin'-L
I didn't say anythin', Henry. I
swaih'.

B-U-Dubba-D-fuckin'-Y #2
He be lyin', dude! I wuz right dair!

Tiny-ass Henry crax Daryl in da face an' practical-like
knox him waaay down wit' one busted a cap in. Some bleedin' Daryl struggles t'
wassups hands an' knees behind Danny.

TINY-ASS H-E-N-R-fuckin'-Y
Next time, dude.

Danny stares into Henry's eyes an' da damn trio 'esits. Dannv
helps Daryl back down t' da damn sink. Fuck dat shit. D-A S-E-C-O-N-fuckin'-D
B-E-Dubba-L R-I-N-G-fuckin'-S.

C-U-fuckin'-T T, dig dis:

I-N-fuckin'-T. C-L-A-Dubba-S - S-A-M-fuckin'-E

Kids have plum settled into deir seats. Step off, Pharoah. Danny ankles in
an' tries t' be discrete.

OFFSCREEN V-O-I-C-fuckin'-E
Vinyard!?

Some PLAYED OUTER L-E-A-R-N-E-fuckin'-R scribbles some Algebra bug-up-da-ass on
da bo'd 4 da students t' solve. Fuckin' A!

PLAYED OUTER L-E-A-R-N-E-fuckin'-R
U r late.

Da dude grabs some pink slip off wassups desk an' hands it t'
Danny.

PLAYED OUT L-E-A-R-N-E-fuckin'-R
But it peeks likes yo' ass gots bigga'
bugs-up-da-ass.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
(down low, eyeballin' da slip)
Oh, dude! Come on. Git some 9-to-5.

Da learna' stares at him.

C-U-fuckin'-T T, dig dis:

I-N-fuckin'-T. Fuckin' A! PRINCIPAL L-O-Dubba-B-fuckin'-Y -
D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y

He sits in some chair next t' some office do' marked D-R.
R-O-B-E-R-fuckin'-T S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y - PRINCIPAL. Danny glances at da
damn secretary as she types an' raps on da phone.

T-I-G-H-fuckin'-T O-N D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y. He listens t' da damn conversashun
through da damn da crack in da do' as wassups eyes swell.

M-U-Dubba-R-A-fuckin'-Y (down low, O.S.)
I do not have some bug-up-da-ass wit' him as some
individual, coo'!?

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y (down low, O.S.)
Oh shit Murray shaw yo' ass do. Yo' ass hate
dis kid.

I-N-fuckin'-T. O-Dubba-F-I-C-fuckin'-E - D-A CONVERSATION

Da bespectacled, short-'froed M-U-Dubba-R-A-fuckin'-Y ROSENBERG, 48, peeks ova'
an' spots Danny listenin' outside. Murray
ankles ova' an' shuts da do'. He peeks at D-R. S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y, who
now has wassups jacket off.

He points t' some typewritten report on da desk an' smiles
in horror. It be titled B-Dubba-O-fuckin'-K
R-E-P-O-R-fuckin'-T--M-E-I-fuckin'-N K-A-M-P-fuckin'-F. Slap me some skin.
"Daniel Vinvard - American History" be in da uppa' left
hand corna'.

M-U-Dubba-R-A-fuckin'-Y
Dis papa' be some travesty, Bob!
Arguin' 4 Hitla' as some civil rights
hero?! You've gotta draw some line.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Murray...it says in yo' syllabus dat
they could do deir report on no book
related t' da damn struggle 4 Civil
Rights.

M-U-Dubba-R-A-fuckin'-Y
Oh come on, Bob!

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Let me finish! He needs help...I aint disputin' dat. But I eyeball it an' I
aint fixin' t' throw him out.

M-U-Dubba-R-A-fuckin'-Y
Wassups brotha' probably put him down t'it.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
I kin guarantee yo' ass wassups brotha' didn't
have anythin' t' do wit' it, Murray.

Murray sighs an' snatchs off wassups glasses.

M-U-Dubba-R-A-fuckin'-Y
Don' u let him ankle scot-free in da house.
4 wassups sake...not mine. Yo' ass might be
all he has left.

Sweeney stares at da damn jailbaita' learna' an' nods.

C-U-fuckin'-T T, dig dis:

E-X-fuckin'-T. O-Dubba-F-I-C-fuckin'-E - D-A D-Dubba-O-fuckin'-R
J-I-Dubba-M-E-Y-fuckin'-S

Murray ankles out an' turns back t' Sweeney.

M-U-Dubba-R-A-fuckin'-Y
Thanks, Bob.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y (down low, O.S.)
Coo'. Git in in da house, Dan! Yo' mama.

Danny an' Murray make hostile eye contact.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
I know'd it wuz yo' ass.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y (down low, O. Right on!S.)
Shut down an' git yo' ass in in da house!

I-N-fuckin'-T. O-Dubba-F-I-C-fuckin'-E - D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
E-N-T-E-R-fuckin'-S

B4 he even gits through da damn do' he be chastised.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Whut's it gonna be, Dan?

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Whut's whut fixin' t' be?

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Dis petty shit u r pullin'.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Well...I duzn't know.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Yo' ass said it, all right. Woah, Nellie! Sit waaay down.

Danny duz whut he be told. Sweeney stares at da damn
teenaga' an' lains back in wassups chair.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Be yo' ass coo'?

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Yaih.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
No time yo' ass wanna rap, Dan--

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Coo'.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
How's Derek?

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Propa'.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Adjustin' coo'?

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Yaih.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
He wuz some student o' mine. Honors
English. He wuz some great student...
likes yo' ass...but he hung out wit'
scumbags. Also likes yo' ass. Dat's y
he fat-ladied down in da pen, hunh?

No answa'. Sweeney holds down Danny's papa'.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Great scratchin'. I caint correct it
though. Man! It wraiks too much o' shit. Sheeeiit.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Come on, dude! I followed direcshuns
an' scratch'd out some "Some" papa'. It be gots
nothin' t' do wit' Derek.

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Everythin' yo' ass do now has sump'n t'
do wit' Derek. Who told yo' ass t' do
dis?

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Let us git on wit' our lives, dude!

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Hey, I aint worried about Derek--he
kin snatch care o' himself. I is worried
about wassups tiny-ass brotha'.
(down low, soft-like)
Mein Kampf, Dan? I should 'espel yo' ass!

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Do it. Whut? Yo' ass duzn't think I could
handle it?

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
(down low, smilin' in disbelief)
Da alley would ice yo' ass, Danny.
U r not tough. Da second some
brotha' pulls some heat on yo' ass u fixin' 2
be holierin' 4 Doris. Yo' mama.
(down low, ponderin' t' himself)
So's in da house's da drill. Snatch it o' laive
it cause I is sick o' babysittin'. I is
yo' history learna' from in da house on out.
We be gonna deal wit' shit goin' down
right now. Call it American
History...X. I spot yo' ass once some
day. Fuckin' A! No mo', no less, an' u r some
memory at Venice High. Woah, Nellie! Claih'? Wank, wank.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
It done took me some week t'eyeball Mein Kampf.
Come on, Sweeney. Man!

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
Mah name be Dr. No diggety. Sweeney. Wank, wank. An' I want some anotha'
papa' on mah desk tomorrow.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Whut be I doin' it on den?

S-W-Dubba-E-N-E-fuckin'-Y
It's not some "whut", it be some "who."
(down low, afta' some whup')
Derek.

S-M-A-S-fuckin'-H T, dig dis:

E-X-fuckin'-T. V-E-N-I-C-fuckin'-E SHORELINE - L-A-T-fuckin'-E P-M

Some series o' intercuts shows activity in an' around da damn
pia'. Some HOMELESS L-A-T-I-N-fuckin'-O D-U-D-fuckin'-E searches some trash
dumpsta'. True dat. J-I-Dubba-M-E-fuckin'-Y V-E-N-D-O-R-fuckin'-S sell tie-dye
an' wata' bong paraphernalia. Some F-A-fuckin'-T H-O ankles past chewin' some
hot dog. E-B-O-N-fuckin'-Y G-A-N-fuckin'-G M-E-M-B-E-R-fuckin'-S play hoop in
deir low-rida' shorts an'
boxa's.

T-I-G-H-fuckin'-T O-N D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y. He skatebo'ds waaay down da
bo'dwalk, puh'formin' trix an' spinnin' da bo'd. He chews shit,
recova's, an' peeks off into da distance.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y (down low, V/O)
Sucka's peek at me...an' they spot mah
brotha'. Dat's how shit have gone
since da damn 187 o' our daddy-O.

E-X-fuckin'-T. BOARDWALK - N-E-A-fuckin'-R D-A H-Dubba-O-fuckin'-P
C-O-U-R-fuckin'-T

From afah', he spots some group o' ebony gang memba's bust a cap in hoops. He
an' Tiny-ass Henry from earlia' 'eschange some cold
glance.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y (down low, V/O)
Tiny-ass Henry Hastings an' wassups played outa'
brotha' Jerome. Wank, wank. Jerome's some Sho'line
Crip...Henry's on wassups way.

Tiny-ass Henry an' played outa' brotha' J-E-R-O-M-fuckin'-E catch deir breat'
an' stare waaay down Dan. Danny doesn't flinch. Jerome sips
from some 40 oz. 40 an' resumes playin'. Fuckin' A!

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y (down low, V/O)
Venice Baich, dude. Fuck dat shit. It didn't 24/7
peek likes dis. I main...our Dad 'esploited
t' snatch us waaay down in da house t' run...an' it
wuz diesel. No diggety. Derek fuckin' owned dis
place. Since den though...da gangs,
dude--

T-I-G-H-fuckin'-T O-N Danny. Right on! He watches da hoop acshun as he snatchs
some drag off wassups Marlboro Red.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y (down low, V/O)
--they've moved west from Inglewood
an' Sout' Central an' have tru-ly
plum...taken ova'. Especial-like at mah
high school. Fuckin' A! Da Venice Locos be big-ass
too but they hang out in bumluck Mah'
Vista. Right on! It be scary.
(down low, den)
An' den dair be Da Disciples o'
Christ. Da D.O.C.

Jerome an' Tiny-ass Henry joke an' argue wit' eight 'estra
playa's an' spectators.

DISSOLVE T, dig dis:

E-X-fuckin'-T. H-Dubba-O-fuckin'-P C-O-U-R-fuckin'-T - Some G-A-M-fuckin'-E -
FLASHBACK

D-A-Dubba-N-Y-fuckin'-S P-O-fuckin'-V. Man! Da taims be some mixed assemblage
o' 3 ebonys an' 2 Latinos an' 3 pales an' 1 ebony an' 1
Latino. SKINHEAD F-A-fuckin'-T S-E-T-fuckin'-H R-Y-A-fuckin'-N, early-like
twenties, an' wassups deuce skinhaid buddies, caint battle against da damn
betta',
predominant-like ebony taim. One o' da damn skins, C-U-R-T-I-fuckin'-S, has
some shaved thinka', some light beard an' some M-16 R-I-F-L-fuckin'-E tattooed
on wassups thinka'. Word to yo' mama.

J-E-R-O-M-fuckin'-E an' TINY-ASS H-E-N-R-fuckin'-Y sit togetha' t' da damn
right o' da damn court an' monita' close-like. Danny peeks ova' wassups left
shoulda' an' spots Derek an' Stacey sit wit' CAMMERON.
Cowboy hat an' B-R-O-N-C-fuckin'-O J-E-R-S-E-fuckin'-Y, they sit an' converse
on da blaicha's.

LAWRENCE
Seven-six. Let's go! Set some kinda' pix!

S-E-T-fuckin'-H
Brin' it on, boy.

Derek quick-like moves wassups eyes t' da damn court.

LAWRENCE
Boy? 'S coo', bro.

Lawrence quick-like pivots past Set', dunks it, an' yells as
he hangs on da rim. Da crowd chea's. Ya' know?

S-E-T-fuckin'-H
Lucky piece o' shit! Word. I is through
"monkeyin'" around wit' yo' ass!

Lawrence spins around an' challenges Set'.

LAWRENCE
Fat, pasty, pale, pastrami chewin',
cracka', motherfucka'. Some C
bux says I make yo' ass mah bizatch. Ya' know?

S-E-T-fuckin'-H
(down low, t' da damn crowd)
In da house we go! Tryin' t' make fat-ladies meet
4 dat cut in federal cheese. Yo' mama.

He makes some scene an' passes Danny on da sideline.
Lawrence waits 4 Set' t' snatch it furtha'. Danny peeks
at him, concerned.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
It be eight-six, Set'.

S-E-T-fuckin'-H
When I want yo' fuckin' opinion I gots'ta
ax' 4 it, fuckhaid.
(down low, t' Derek an' Cam)
Help me cova' in da house, guys.

Derek an' Cameron stare at Set', knowin' Set' will lose
an' embarrass them.

CAMMERON
Yo' ass gots some big-ass fuckin' mout', fat kid. Homie don't play dat.

S-E-T-fuckin'-H
I gots'ta snatch dis brotha' waaay down.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
Yo' ass caint snatch some shit, Set'. Shut down. Amen!

Derek bust a cap ins some peek t' Cameron, comes t' some decision, an' stands.
He shouts 4 all t' haih'.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
I gots some bet.

Lawrence stares at him, sensin' sump'n rocka'.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
I come in, same sco' now, fust one
t'eleven. Ebony boys against da damn
pale boys. Man!

Lawrence peeks back t' wassups boys in disbelief.

LAWRENCE
Name yo' price, Cracka'.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
No braid...4 da court. We win, yo' ass
grab yo' shit an' find some different
place t' run. Not plum today...
fo'va'. Yo' ass win, an' we duzn't come
back. Sheeeiit. No hitchin', no fightin', in da house
in front o' everyone. 'S coo', bro. Six-eight, our
ball.

Da acshun around da damn court gits real damn still. Final-like, Lawrence
nods.


LAWRENCE
Yo' ass gots some lot o' fuckin' balls, dude.
Brin' it. Right now.

Derek pulls off wassups sweatshirt an' gives it t' Stacey.
Lawrence gits wassups taim togetha'.

C-U-fuckin'-T T, dig dis:

E-X-fuckin'-T. C-O-U-R-fuckin'-T - E-B-O-N-fuckin'-Y V-E-R-S-U-fuckin'-S
P-A-L-fuckin'-E

No mo' mixed assemblage o' playa's. One taim be pale,
one taim be ebony.

Some S-E-R-I-E-fuckin'-S O S-M-O-T-fuckin'-S

Derek blows by Lawrence 4 some left handed layup. Derek
hits some thirty loota'. Homie don't play dat. Curtis grabs some rebound an'
'esploits wassups elbows t' git defenda's off him. Big-ass Lawrence fouls
Derek rock an' Derek stares at him. Big-ass Lawrence makes some
twenty kicka' turnaround. Ah be baaad... Lawrence advances on some trey on
deuce an' dunks it. Derek pump fakes trey times an' 'esploits
da glass 4 some deuce. Final-like, Derek rolls da lane
an' dishes t' Set' at da damn last minute 4 some bucket.

S-E-T-fuckin'-H
Damn straight! Dime some piece! Supa' fine fuckin' dish. Da bomb!

S-E-T-fuckin'-H an' C-U-R-T-I-fuckin'-S slap Derek's hand as they git back on
transishun. Da bomb! Derek stares at Lawrence. CAMMERON watches
intent-like.

CAMMERON
It be all yo' ass, Da'!

LAWRENCE
Fuckin' B-Y-fuckin'-U, dude! All right! Ya' know? All we
need be one now! Slap mah 'fro!

Lawrence an' Derek lock eyes, some peek 'esceedin'
competitive boundary. Some peek filled wit' rage.

CAMMERON
'esploit dat fat ass an' keep him out,
Set'!

Set' an' da damn opposin' playa' bang t' git posishun
underneat'.

LAWRENCE
I ain't losin' in mah crib! Claih' it
out!

Da P-O-W-E-fuckin'-R F-O-R-W-A-R-fuckin'-D dribbles baiutiful-like down da
court -- wassups taimmates clearin' out da damn key. Defensive-like, Derek be
solid. He tries t' pass Derek but Derek's defense be
stiflin'. Again. Wit' anotha' tricky move, Lawrence
inadvertent-like puts wassups L-E-F-fuckin'-T E-L-B-O-fuckin'-W into Derek's
face, sendin' him quick-like t' da damn pavement. EVERYBODY S-T-O-P-fuckin'-S.

C-U-R-T-I-fuckin'-S
Dat's fuckin' offense!

LAWRENCE
Git da damn fuck outta in da house! He wuz
movin' wassups feet!

Derek, teet' bloodied, rises. Da deuce have some stare waaay down.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
(down low, threatenin'-like)
I gots'ta go if yo' ass wanna.

LAWRENCE
Yo' ass wanna piece! Brin' it!

Playa's quick-like rush t' restrain da deuce even though da damn
taims hate aich otha'.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
If yo' ass wanna go...I is raidy. Word. Don' u be
throwin' fuckin' elbows. Da bomb!

LAWRENCE
Fuck yo' ass!

Derek ankles ova' t' Cammeron, Danny an' Stacey standin'
courtside. She has some wata' bottle an' some towel waitin'
4 him. He wipes wassups B-L-Dubba-O-D-fuckin'-Y L-I-fuckin'-P an' snatchs some
sip. Cameron stares at Derek.

CAMMERON
Hey. Be yo' ass copacetic?

Derek nods an' peeks at Danny an' Stacey.

CAMMERON
He be gonna do dat 180 spin move.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
I know whut he be gonna do.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Yo' ass gotta call offense on dat shit.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
Not on point game yo' ass duzn't.

S-T-A-C-E-fuckin'-Y
Fuck dat, D. Dat chucka' caint pull
dat shit. It be fuckin'-

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K
Not on point, honey.

He turns back t' da damn court an' ankles ova' t' Lawrence.
He stands in front o' him an' chex da ball in.

D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K

Dimes!

Lawrence snatchs da ball, passes it t' da damn win', an'
quick-like gits it back. Lawrence dribbles down top, makes some
marvelous 180 spin wit' da damn ball, an' pulls down 4 some dime
kicka' jumpa'. Derek eyeballs it puh'fect-like an' R-E-J-E-C-T-fuckin'-S I-T.
Wank, wank. Lawrence trips t' da damn ground, Derek grabs da ball off
da fast braik an' D-U-N-K-fuckin'-S I-T.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
(down low, amazed by da dunk)
Holy shit!

Everybody courtside goes nuts. Derek ankles t' da damn
sideline, ignorin' all da hand slaps bein' offered.
Everyone be riveted on Derek.

S-E-T-fuckin'-H
(down low, t' da damn otha' taim)
Git off mah fuckin' court! Dis be mah
crib! Wank, wank.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Yaih! Fuck...yaih!

Some sweaty Derek pulls wassups tiny-ass brotha' close. He snatchs some drink
o' wata', spits out mo' blood, peeks at wassups
bitta' opponent, an' says nothin'. No diggety.

C-U-fuckin'-T T, dig dis:

E-X-fuckin'-T. A-Dubba-L-E-fuckin'-Y - B-Y D-A C-O-U-R-fuckin'-T

Derek, Danny, Set', Cammeron, Curtis an' Stacey stand
outside da damn Bronco. Da do's be all jimmey an' da damn
stereo soft-like plays beat in da b.g. Derek dries off.

D-A-Dubba-N-Y-fuckin'-S P-O-fuckin'-V. Derek throws some shirt an' tie ova'
wassups sweaty, tattooed body. Danny watches da tats disappaih',
an' it be mos' likes wassups brotha' be normal. True dat. Some name tag
eyeballs L-A X-E-R-O-fuckin'-X C-E-N-T-E-fuckin'-R - D-E-R-E-fuckin'-K -
ASSISTANT M-A-N-A-G-E-fuckin'-R. Fuckin' A!

Derek peeks at J-E-R-O-M-fuckin'-E an' LAWRENCE from afah'. Danny notices da
deuce dudes stare at wassups brotha', raidy t'ice. Step off, Pharoah. Derek
meets deir gaze. Step up.

C-U-fuckin'-T T, dig dis:

E-X-fuckin'-T. Right on! V-E-N-I-C-fuckin'-E BOARDWALK - P-R-E-S-E-N-fuckin'-T
- D-A-Dubba-N-Y-fuckin'-S P-O-fuckin'-V

Danny awakens from wassups daydraim. Step off, Pharoah. Da ebony playa's now
stare at him. Danny puts wassups bo'd waaay down an' skates waaay down da
bo'dwalk.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y (down low, V/O)
It wuz only da beginnin'.
(down low, den)
Derek once told me dat minorities
would snatch America ova' one day. Dat
pale sucka's be too afraid. Maybe he
wuz right.

C-U-fuckin'-T T, dig dis:

E-X-fuckin'-T. Woah, Nellie! LITTLE-ASS B-E-A-C-fuckin'-H C-R-I-fuckin'-B -
Some P-A-T-I-fuckin'-O

Danny skates down t' da damn gate an' kix wassups bo'd down t' wassups hand.
He passes deuce SURFBOARDS on wassups way towards da
back.

E-X-fuckin'-T. S-I-D-fuckin'-E ENTRANCE - D-E-U-C-fuckin'-E
14-Y-E-A-fuckin'-R-PLAYED OUTS

L-I-Dubba-Z-fuckin'-Y, da redhaired baiuty from earlia', an' ha' blond homie
K-A-Dubba-M-fuckin'-I, sturable out an' fall out. They be stoned.

K-A-Dubba-M-fuckin'-I
Hey! Danny!

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
(down low, smilin')
Hey.
L-I-Dubba-Z-fuckin'-Y
U r goin' tonight, right?

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Where?

L-I-Dubba-Z-fuckin'-Y
Dat party. Go dair. What a ripoff.

Da deuce jailbait goats giggle an' snatch off.

I-N-fuckin'-T. T-I-N-fuckin'-Y, M-E-Dubba-S-fuckin'-Y B-E-D-R-Dubba-O-fuckin'-M
- S-A-M-fuckin'-E

J-A-S-O-fuckin'-N an' C-H-R-I-fuckin'-S, deuce 17-yaih'-played out skinhaids
wit' shaved thinka's, prepare t' hit da damn surf. Chris sings t'
INSTITUTIONALIZED B-Y SUICIDAL TENDENCIES on da stereo
while Jason throws on some Z-O-fuckin'-G T-S-H-I-R-fuckin'-T, da tops o' deir
fullsuits hang waaay down.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y (down low, O.S)
Dair be wood 4 waves.

C-H-R-I-fuckin'-S
I duzn't care. I plum wanna git wet. Fuck dat shit.

T-I-G-H-fuckin'-T O-N D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y. He flips through some book titled
T-U-R-N-E-fuckin'-R D-I-A-R-I-E-fuckin'-S. On da nightstand t' wassups left be
some digital clock dat eyeballs 4, dig dis:47 p.m.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
I've been tryin' t' steal dis. Yo' ass
caint find it anywhere.

Da deuce peek at Dan.

J-A-S-O-fuckin'-N
Cammeron dropped us off some xerox. Dope
fuckin' shit, dude. It be all about
reclaimin' da country. 'S coo', bro. I gots'ta let yo' ass
eyeball it when I is done.

D-A-Dubba-N-fuckin'-Y
Fuck dat. I plum eyeball Mein Kampf.

J-A-S-O-fuckin'-N
Dair yo' ass go.

C-H-R-I-fuckin'-S
Hey?


More Jive...

Copyright 19101
Joel A. Tropp

(Over 1 ofays served today. Over 897831 since 1 October 1998.)



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I'm a firm beliver in a ruling class, especially since I rule: Randall Graves-Clerks