I hope it's a good one.

[SimpleSimon]

Happy birthday, Jason.

I know you've managed too piss off and alienate just about everyone you know, but it is never too late to try again.

So, make a birthday resolution, and keep it. Or don't - it is entirely up to you what you make of your life.

[Skeet]

I wish I was 23. Fuck you Jason.

[Escape Artist]

Hahahaha. Fuckin eh, Pat - how things change.

I just came here out of the blue after a couple post-work-week-beers to yell and laugh about how Jason Has A Life Whoda Thunk It! :p

Finally occurred to me after flaming a few sex-crazed fools half to death for all that 28/M bullshit. I've turned into one of those inconsiderate prick bastards that yell with great deals of religious fervor about how there's a world out there and that all those fucking entreaties suck ass. Losers! :p

I'd say that's progress, considering I used to get a migraine over a website.

Got a reasonably good job, precisely no money to speak of, and my girlfriend is mildly nuts but incredibly tough and lovable. Took the asshole thing to a different level - instead of ripping myself up for others, I walk away and go find things I can justify a little more. I find the results are more easily lived with than the bitter rage I had at constant problems I could never, ever solve. People are fucked up and do not easily change, myself included. Got the shit beaten out of me, it's no big deal. Others - well, they'd be insane about it for years. No thanks, man.

Doing my bosses' job at work, despite the fact I've worked this department for about 5 months now and I haven't been there a year yet. Teaching myself a lot - it's like college except the grades actually count. Comfortable with it; with college there are no consequences. Little harder when it's food in your stomach and some smokes. Close to a million a week in sales and I'm in charge of the volatile stuff - 2/3 of the damned place. Gah!

As for pissing off everyone and alienating them - meh. In large part, it's words on a screen - and I've been shit on by a lot of people I've talked to, at one point or another. I haven't held too many grudges; I just never forget. Fuck, who cares anyhow? Grudges are held for the sake of the holder - usually not for the offense. I.E. - I don't really fucking care. Pissed off and hate me - fuck you too. Eat my shite. Go forth and die. Conclude battle now. :) Pricks!

It is more their failing in being myopic than mine in being a douchebag - I'll change, eventually, out of simple need if nothing else. I am not so sure about their philosophies and morals. That stuff tends to stick around. Easier to throw rocks and run away, and most will.

Otherwise? *shrug* I am Jed, but fucked up in the brain and a psycho workaholic. Plus I have to break trucks down and there ain't no help for heavy shit. Getting muscular. :p

23 ain't too bad, yet. Couple diamonds in the sea of shit (and my life still is one) and a lot of problems I still have to cope with. But this is better than it has been. Used to be it was trouble. Now it's trouble and a little bit of hope and rebellion against what I thought I knew.

Fight, Jason! :)

And thanks, man. Nice to see someone gives a fuck.

[Barbie]

.

[Escape Artist]

It sucked, Barbie.

I have given up on life. Two days per week I spend getting drunk off my ass.

I do this because I have yet to wake up and get anyone - friends, ex g/f's, or otherwise checking in.

No friends. No fun. No life.

I give up. Have tried to be eminently reasonable throughout - alcoholics and a split lip that had me move out of here for as long as i could...some year.

[SimpleSimon]

Jason, the classic definition of insanity is "doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results".

Are you insane? Don't answer that, as there is no need.

Change things. Take a paycheck, pack what you NEED in a backpack, buy a bus ticket to a city you have never been in before. Don't tell me that won't work - you don't know it won't, as you've never tried it. I have - I arrived in Houston at the beginning of Aug of 1990 with a burlap bag of clothes/toiletries, and a Smith-Corona portable typewriter, and $80.

I knew not one single soul there, and had never been in Houston before in my life (save once, at the airport only), yet I had a part-time job in 3 days, and a second part-time job in two more days. At the end of Sept I helped co-found a biotech laboratory services company that by Aug of 1994 was doing $4.5 million in business a month.

I had some advantages, true - partly education, but mostly attitude. I knew - beyond any doubt - that no-one would believe in me if I didn't believe in myself first. Why should they, after all? They did not know me, nor owe me anything.

BELIEVE in JASON! Quit mouldering in a wallow of self-pity, leave your bad situation, and make some changes. The only person you can change is yourself, and the only one who can change you is YOU.

[Escape Artist]

Simon - see reply to above comments. I wonder about everyone else changing.

Especially you!

Be well, friend - I had a huge reply written out and couldn't argue with my former one - it stands on its own.

[SimpleSimon]

Giving up on life at 23 is pretty much insane. Sure, lots of people do just that and throw away their futures. If that is your choice, then go ahead and do so.

I just think it is, and would be, a tremendous waste.

[Escape Artist]

Agree with you, Pat - different ways.

May well double my salary this year doing the same shit I'm already doing. We will see.

Patience, patience, and more patience - in 9 thousand different ways.

And that's me indulging myself.

I'll stick to what I am up to, and largely keep my mouth shut. Thank you all nonetheless. If there were any collections - I have seen none of it. No excuses - never given to me. I'd pass it along to Mom.

So - meh. I conclude; effectively no support, no trust, no help, no cold cash, and everyone will cackle when I fuck up.

Up yours, sheep!

Enough is fucking enough!

Bye!

[SimpleSimon]

I rather take exception to that. Ungrateful wretch.

[Escape Artist]

Ungrateful? Wretch I will agree to - have always been one. Throw rocks at the life and people I grew up in/with - been trying to escape it since.

Otherwise -

Tired of following in life; 23 years running now:

Deafening silence from individuals claiming to be friends
Complete and utter loneliness and solitude 9/10ths of the time - but hey, I have work!
Loads of praise and flattery - when someone needs something
And ten times the shit I usually need or want when I go still try to interact.

Things like this still have me drinking on one allotted day of the week - instead of not at all. I find it funny. Ungrateful, Pat? It takes drinking to even grow the balls to show up here because stupid old Jason still fucking cares. Ain't that ironic, considering the opinions I get. I'd like to check in from time to time otherwise; too much baggage, unanswered questions, and worries about the opinions of others. Can't take it. I wear myself thin for everyone but me.

Much is the same with the rest of my life; so I have gutted it in its entirety. I go to work and come home, and try not to bother anyone anymore. :) Agonizing for me, but who cares? Everyone that needs something gets what they want.

Guys, gals, and former friends - I'm fed up, tired, and somewhere between fucking enraged and optimistic. And I just don't want nothin' anymore. I've been profoundly hurt; no fixing that.

Here's 23 for you - I gave up; rather be an ungrateful wretch than burned out, sodomized, and beaten any further. Had all of that happen, at points, so bite me. :)

But in the interests of being more polite and understanding - made great strides there - I give you this:

FUCK! (add in whatever you want after. I do it frequently.)

Is that better?

(I blame this rant on Pat - he makes me think; sadly I am not nearly buzzed enough to have declined this invite entirely.)

[Escape Artist]

Just to fucking spite you naysayers:

Billyman: Wonder if the new gig is continuing to work out or if you finally got snagged by fast talking dealerships. Assuming that new wifey and kid is still good - ever hear from the former milk-deliverer? :p

Mute - Hope your dreams are seeing some damned kinda fruition. You got yourself straightened out; just hope you applied yourself towards what you wanted. Dunno if it'll be FF 9000, but who knows. Stay in the art category; yer good, just need practice.

Kaye/Princess Heather - I ran off the former and insulted the latter. They annoyed me! The former broke rules and I got a ton of shite over 'firing' her. Oh well. We went through tons of admins here. Power corrupts. We never did get Heather to show her tits that I can recall - least publically.

Goneaway - he came, saw, banged Inky, had some pissy episodes, and vanished. Shame, interesting guy. Miss talking to him. Little standoffish. Bleh.

Torque/CreepingDeath - that dude was pretty alright. Just didn't like the whole dangerous vibe I got off him - shouldn't have to be on defense to talk. Knows his cars, guns, and a lot about life.

Acidzcraze and KiwiTrip kept this place going for a while - but who remembers them? :p Man, they did lots of stuff, and were still articulate. And fun. I'd do Kiwi.

No one prolly hardly recalls Bishop, but he was a tight motherfucker. Flame you half to death and back. Core of THT's crew when we first started, along with Kol and others.

ddogflex was good for a semi-witty, interesting comment. Kept things flowing.

(Yeah, going through the member list - I can remember the people but not always the names.)

Deadpool confused the fuck out of us. He was asian, he was black, etc, etc. Dude was everything but himself til the very end, then he vanished. Think he got off on making such Serious Things a running joke. :)

Continuing in next post.

[Escape Artist]

D_I was one of - if not THE first immigrants from Asylum. I ain't checking; been up all fucking night and I'm fried. Night shift does that.

Eliss! Hahahaha, great god-damned Eliss, I love him. He actually showed up here. Always, always talked in as close to Symbol as he could. I had a lot of interesting convos with the guy, and learned his 'language' - figured it was more efficient. Frighteningly, it was.

Jojo - well...ehh...ain't touching that one. Meh.

Jules - not sure whether she fell into life or substances. Kid needed to chill. Makes me look like a saint when it comes to social life, or did. Whenever I think of her I hope she's at least well.

Kayla - Mixed opinion. Nice tits, fucked up psychology, fun as hell - and go figure, she has a great dad that - at the time - she hated. Near as I can tell she got engaged or some shit. Kid did good; solid jobs, living the life she wants, etc. Could be wrong, but hey - she hasn't yapped at me in years.

Kol is an enigma that people either love or hate. I give up on counting how many times I've defended him against ignorant fucktards. Need only read his posts.

I miss kwyjibo. He was my friend.

MAC is MAC. Wonder a lot of things. Not my friend no-more. Good memories.

Mae - talked to her more in recent times than I have in the past year with Simon. Go figure.

Mattdecay was another chameleon. All I can really say.

Kay, I'm tired and fuck this - y'all get the point.

Honorable mention; Mr. Snrub. Nothing like a pissed off, cynical Australian to keep things going. Few parallels with guys like him here.

Y'all get the point. Ungrateful, uncaring, shithead wretch my ass.

I have forgotten and quit caring about precisely no one.

Just because I've gone "fuck you!" - oh well. Deal as you see fit.

Back to my life. :) Enjoy the half-assed history lesson.

[Billyman]

An alcoholic bothers me none.

A drunk annoys the fuck out of me.

[jules]

Jules - not sure whether she fell into life or substances. Kid needed to chill. Makes me look like a saint when it comes to social life, or did. Whenever I think of her I hope she's at least well.
It's funny how you always thought that because you weren't happy or functional in isolation, nobody could be.

Still relying on myself for almost everything, and still happy, functional, and reasonably successful.

Learning to live with yourself is harder than learning to live with other people, but much more rewarding.

[Cruise Director]

Learning to live with yourself is harder than learning to live with other people, but much more rewarding.

Very well stated. Hope things are going your direction Jules. I have a feeling that they generally are.

[jules]

They are since I realized they aren't always going to.

[Escape Artist]

I gave up. I'm leaving it at that.

I give up. too, dammit.

[Escape Artist]

Cruise - great for you. Nice to see you're making doubles of what our salaries are. Good work on the pep talk, bud. You sound like the assholes I'm stuck obeying every week.


Dude - I'll talk when you resemble a person to me. I am damned tired of real nice sounding words showing up on sheets of paper and basically saying that...we are fucked.

Thanks, but go away; for a long time.

I don't want your touch here while I still have people who depend on this.


Juliana - I am doing fairly okay, as a whole.

Still care; no outlets.

Call me sometime. I guess.

[River Rat]

I would say something uplifting or some such here but I see no point.

Long time EA.

Howdy:D

[SimpleSimon]

Cruise - great for you. Nice to see you're making doubles of what our salaries are. Good work on the pep talk, bud. You sound like the assholes I'm stuck obeying every week.


Dude - I'll talk when you resemble a person to me. I am damned tired of real nice sounding words showing up on sheets of paper and basically saying that...we are fucked.

Thanks, but go away; for a long time.

I don't want your touch here while I still have people who depend on this.


Juliana - I am doing fairly okay, as a whole.

Still care; no outlets.

Call me sometime. I guess.I hate to break this to you, EA, but you don't run this joint anymore.

Cruise has offered you good advice, and extended a hand in friendship countless times these last few years. You've consistently thrown it back in his face.

I like you, Jason. I think you know that. Why I do I am unsure, because you damned sure TRY to make yourself unlikeable.

Nonetheless, to blame Cruise for his successes in life in the face of your own failures is ludicrous. He has accomplished what he has by dint of self-discipline, calm assessment of risks and a willingness to take risks as warranted, and the courage to keep right on trying when he has failed. Fail he has - all human beings do.

What defines a man is what he does in the face of his failures - it damned sure isn't "give up".

[Cruise Director]

They are since I realized they aren't always going to.


Are you still in the southwest? Doing any good sight seeing? I do miss the desert and all it has to offer. I took the girlfriend down there a few months back for her first real "look around." She found that the desert is a beautiful place once you get off the freeway and look around.

Glad to hear you are well. I can't wait to see how you blossom even further in life. :)

[jules]

Still in AZ. Spring's here, and things are coming back to life. Soon the wind will be here.

In the fall, I'll be returning to the university (after 1 yr off and 1 yr community college) to study forestry. I got my wilderness first responder certification this January, and this summer I have two summer camp jobs lined up: the first an eductional camp out in the middle of the woods, run by the school's forestry department, that focuses on forest ecology and outdoor leadership (I'll be living in a wall tent with six kids); and the second's mission is to give outdoor experiences to the developmentally disabled.

I just sat on my back porch for two hours, catching up with my father and grandfather on the phone, and fraternizing with the neighborhood cats. There is a new kitten from down the street hanging around, and she's got a lot to learn-- she is a tiny, nervous little black thing who follows the big woodpecker-murdering alpha cat around, swatting at him and then running away before he can swat back.

And she just strolled in my back door.

I learn a lot from these cats.

[Billyman]

I hate to break this to you, EA, but you don't run this joint anymore.

Cruise has offered you good advice, and extended a hand in friendship countless times these last few years. You've consistently thrown it back in his face.

I like you, Jason. I think you know that. Why I do I am unsure, because you damned sure TRY to make yourself unlikeable.

Nonetheless, to blame Cruise for his successes in life in the face of your own failures is ludicrous. He has accomplished what he has by dint of self-discipline, calm assessment of risks and a willingness to take risks as warranted, and the courage to keep right on trying when he has failed. Fail he has - all human beings do.

What defines a man is what he does in the face of his failures - it damned sure isn't "give up".

Amen.

[Escape Artist]

Amen.

I live by what I know, have known, and try to prove through experience and lack of knowing for sure.

No more, no less, and no amount of love or criticism will change that. Tired of the offered alternatives.


Patrick, et al - I am doing the best I can, literally all by myself, with work and my room as my life.

That's it, guys. Work - by myself - on midnights; then I come home, and sit here.

...And hope I'm left alone.

I come here occasionally in the hopes I can finish whatever business I have, and be done with it.

I have 23 years of a probably-terrible (I have no comparisons, but I hear things!) life hanging over my head. I quit smiling when I got out of bed a long time ago. I'm grim when I resign myself to sleep. I never actually get to sleep overly much. About three hours a night. Except my night is your day. Real fun.

I didn't care what happened so long as I could find a way to smile when I woke up. It's been nearly 10 years now. Do the math on total lifetime.

Bad percentage, bad trends, you name it.

I cannot justify giving a damn anymore. Conclude I'm fucked, alone, screwed, and probably will lash out after too many beers to keep me from doing myself in. So? This is what I am stuck with.

No benefit package for a physical or psychological checkup. Can't afford a dental cleaning. Meh. Decided to wear my lucky necklace again. Can't hurt.

Billyman - you used to be a great and gentle friend of mine with lots of closets...now you've turned into Captain America with morality and virtues to match; least in text. I'll chug to being a member, and not a friend. What the fuck - you've changed for the worse.

Pat - I don't recall any advice to me, from Cruise. :)

Nada, zip, zero - least in this particular thread. Browsed it. I'm sick of inferences and guesses, so stuff that one.

I really don't see much besides criticisms, guys. Simon was nice enough to bring it up. I raised lots of hell.

Everyone who was bored jumped in with more criticisms, mostly, and one good conversation got spawned.

Meh.

I think, for a rare change...I'm skipping the part where I give a shit about the critics, and their own terms and beliefs. It's fucking laughable, and I'm tired of arguing about opinions. You can never win.

Fuck you if you can't take a joke. :)

And go to hell if you can't learn to live. You're dying anyway, y'know. This is a big deal?

Wanna talk to me - sure my messenger-thingies are still available somehow. Otherwise, be back at some point, I'm sure.

And my birthday fucking sucked. Spare me the reconciliatory measures.

[Cruise Director]

Still in AZ. Spring's here, and things are coming back to life. Soon the wind will be here.

In the fall, I'll be returning to the university (after 1 yr off and 1 yr community college) to study forestry. I got my wilderness first responder certification this January, and this summer I have two summer camp jobs lined up: the first an eductional camp out in the middle of the woods, run by the school's forestry department, that focuses on forest ecology and outdoor leadership (I'll be living in a wall tent with six kids); and the second's mission is to give outdoor experiences to the developmentally disabled.

I just sat on my back porch for two hours, catching up with my father and grandfather on the phone, and fraternizing with the neighborhood cats. There is a new kitten from down the street hanging around, and she's got a lot to learn-- she is a tiny, nervous little black thing who follows the big woodpecker-murdering alpha cat around, swatting at him and then running away before he can swat back.

And she just strolled in my back door.

I learn a lot from these cats.

My best friend's father was a forester. He started his career with the US Forest Service after obtaining his degree in entamology (sp.) or the study of bugs. His first assignment was Mt. Charleston, not far from you, in Las Vegas. By the time he retired he was the regional chief over 6 or 8 states. He had a wonderful career and loved every minute of it. He said they got to do a whole lot of camping and got paid for it. Guess you can't blame a person for such a great job.

I hope your career path is as happy as his was. :)

[skalie]

That almost made sense EA.

[jess]

EA, ok so I don't know you too well and probably have no business sticking my 2 cents in here, but I'm gonna do it anyway.
From what I hear you are a smart man and I'm sure with the right attitude you'll go far in life.
Life is all about trial and error. We as humans have to go through a lot of bullshit to work our way up, but eventually it happens.
Life is what you make of it.
If you go around your whole life thinking that nothing's worth a shit anymore, then well....it isn't.
You're too smart to be so negative all the time.
If you've ever noticed, negativity is highly contagious.
People don't want to be around someone that thinks so down about everything.
Everyone has been more then willing to give you words of advice based on their own past experiences.
Simon has been more then kind with his words. But after him being so kind and offering a supportive jester and you taking it for granted and still talking about how your life sucks, well he probably just says fuck it.
On Billy's behalf (and I'm a lil biased here considering) he too has tried in the past. But there comes a point when you just say "enough bullshit" and move on.
Personally I think your issues lie more within yourself then with everyone else and everyone here on the board. You have to care about yourself before anyone will even think about giving a shit about you.
Picture the one person that is always complaining that they are stupid, fat, ugly etc. Just for a positive reinforcement. After giving that reinforcement so many times you just give up. You figure that no matter what you say or how many times you say it, it doesn't do a damn bit of good. Because you don't believe in yourself.
Until you can fix the way you feel about yourself, others will follow your footsteps and start feeling the same way about you.
Now again, I don't know you that well. But I've always liked you.
Now there's my opinion, no matter how worthless it may be.
Take it to heart or take it with a grain of salt, I don't care either way.
And honestly you'll probably come back with a bunch of negative remarks on what I've said. And, well that's ok too.
I voiced my opinion, and I stand by all I've said. So that's all that matters to me.

[Billyman]

Patrick, et al - I am doing the best I can, literally all by myself, with work and my room as my life.

That's it, guys. Work - by myself - on midnights; then I come home, and sit here.

...And hope I'm left alone.

Yeah, this is kinda what it's like to live on your own (move out of your parents house) where you have to maintain some form of income (have a job) to pay the bills and provide for yourself. It's absolutely horrible having to this! And can you imagine the individuals that actually did and do this stuff voluntarily? What a freakin' idiot I was--way back when--to say to my Parent's; "I love you but I have to make something of myself by myself". Would you actually believe that there are people that find satisfaction in just being able to "make it" themselves regardless of how "hard" it gets?

I come here occasionally in the hopes I can finish whatever business I have, and be done with it.

You have "unfinished" business here? I'm guessing you haven't done enough bitching, complaining or whining to find your personal pity party?

I have 23 years of a probably-terrible (I have no comparisons, but I hear things!) life hanging over my head. I quit smiling when I got out of bed a long time ago. I'm grim when I resign myself to sleep. I never actually get to sleep overly much. About three hours a night. Except my night is your day. Real fun.

You have all but one person to blame for the above statement. That person is YOU.

I cannot justify giving a damn anymore. Conclude I'm fucked, alone, screwed, and probably will lash out after too many beers to keep me from doing myself in. So? This is what I am stuck with.

Great, here we go again..............for the eleventy hundredth time.

Billyman - you used to be a great and gentle friend of mine with lots of closets...now you've turned into Captain America with morality and virtues to match; least in text. I'll chug to being a member, and not a friend. What the fuck - you've changed for the worse.

There was a time.........long, long, ago........I had faith in an individual. One of such named Jason and it was apparent that this individual was in need of a friend that cared, one in need of direction and advice. Because of "hope" other individuals stuck by Jason and gave support even when the obvious was quite clear. Jason didn't want advice, he didn't want support...........he "heard" what you said but never "listened". Goes back to the old "you can listen as well as you hear" saying. Jason wanted hand-out's and pity parties. Jason--now 23--is still posing almost the exact same stuff Jason did when he was 15 years old........no...fucking...shit.

I've changed? Nice of you to notice actually and thank goodness I have. Otherwise getting older and wiser would have done nothing for me. Had I not stepped up to the plate and accepted responsibility as added responsibility came about, I'd still be some dumb 15 year old kid at the age of 35. If I changed for the worst, that'll lay solely on the fact that I throw no pity parties on Jason's behalf in my home.


I really don't see much besides criticisms, guys. Simon was nice enough to bring it up. I raised lots of hell.

Everyone who was bored jumped in with more criticisms, mostly, and one good conversation got spawned.

Do you honest and truthfully expect any different? If so, you're basket in case is worse than I thought.

You're dying anyway, y'know. This is a big deal?

Wanna talk to me - sure my messenger-thingies are still available somehow. Otherwise, be back at some point, I'm sure.

And my birthday fucking sucked. Spare me the reconciliatory measures.

Yep, we're all dying. We were born to do so as that is our ultimate destiny. One definition of 'what is life' is "finding something to do until you die". Personally, I like this definition and live by it. I just choose to be as happy as I can during that time.

There will be no reconciliatory statements about your 12th 23rd birthday. I personally couldn't care less. In fact it's voting season and I vote for the trigger.

[A.D.H.D]

:)

[Escape Artist]

Yeah, this is kinda what it's like to live on your own (move out of your parents house) where you have to maintain some form of income (have a job) to pay the bills and provide for yourself. It's absolutely horrible having to this! And can you imagine the individuals that actually did and do this stuff voluntarily? What a freakin' idiot I was--way back when--to say to my Parent's; "I love you but I have to make something of myself by myself". Would you actually believe that there are people that find satisfaction in just being able to "make it" themselves regardless of how "hard" it gets?



You have "unfinished" business here? I'm guessing you haven't done enough bitching, complaining or whining to find your personal pity party?



You have all but one person to blame for the above statement. That person is YOU.



Great, here we go again..............for the eleventy hundredth time.



There was a time.........long, long, ago........I had faith in an individual. One of such named Jason and it was apparent that this individual was in need of a friend that cared, one in need of direction and advice. Because of "hope" other individuals stuck by Jason and gave support even when the obvious was quite clear. Jason didn't want advice, he didn't want support...........he "heard" what you said but never "listened". Goes back to the old "you can listen as well as you hear" saying. Jason wanted hand-out's and pity parties. Jason--now 23--is still posing almost the exact same stuff Jason did when he was 15 years old........no...fucking...shit.

I've changed? Nice of you to notice actually and thank goodness I have. Otherwise getting older and wiser would have done nothing for me. Had I not stepped up to the plate and accepted responsibility as added responsibility came about, I'd still be some dumb 15 year old kid at the age of 35. If I changed for the worst, that'll lay solely on the fact that I throw no pity parties on Jason's behalf in my home.




Do you honest and truthfully expect any different? If so, you're basket in case is worse than I thought.



Yep, we're all dying. We were born to do so as that is our ultimate destiny. One definition of 'what is life' is "finding something to do until you die". Personally, I like this definition and live by it. I just choose to be as happy as I can during that time.

There will be no reconciliatory statements about your 12th 23rd birthday. I personally couldn't care less. In fact it's voting season and I vote for the trigger.

Blah blah blah...some more blah, and then excited blah!

I assume you care. Take that back - I don't care.

Just got called in to work. Just got called in to provide advice. Called in to be someone's fucking example of stability.

I'll do all but the work bit.

You've basically done everything I said you would and could; I hope you have fun.

As for the fun opinions and judgements and all this crap about my life - what the fuck do you know, amigo? I haven't talked to you personally in at least a year.

I'm fine. :)

Be well.

[Mudflap]

*runs in thread*

*throws 416 paperback self-help books at EA*

*runs out of thread*

:bootyshak

[Escape Artist]

Whelp - both what I am and a convenient redneck phrase - I actually ain't doing that bad.

I'm building my savings up and budgeting to a reasonably frightening degree. I don't make much; it's either that or go broke. I want the quality of life that I had when I made $150+ more per week; with discipline I'll get it. :) Damned close. This week I bought an MP3 player, put gas in my 280,000 mile car, and bought a fifth of rum/some smokes. Wooo! (Without music at work, so help me, I'd kill myself. I hate Kroger Radio!!!)

Could use tips on what I can make to take to work when I'm so worn out from work that I can't stand up straight, can't see straight, can't coherently operate a stove-knob, but can't sleep from stress, either. :) On a $20 budget, at best... :) (I get the feeling Pat will be the only one chiming in here...)

I've told my family to go and fuck themselves; I want no part of screaming and drinking and fucked-up hustling that never goes nowhere, and talk that amounts to nothing. Sure, I still drink. One day a week, until I go to bed, because I feel like it. All by myself.

Move out? Financially stupid right now. Like - so stupid as to be near impossible. You can't make enough...well....ehh. What do you do? Start robbing niggas and ganking they stash? Fuck you want me to do, Billy?

I'm in a nice little comfortable holding position - if there is anything better out there, I can't bloody afford to go do it. Easy to say "just go do it! you're being a pussy!" - kay, do so, from scratch. Prove your theorem.

Might be young and stupid, you sonuvabitch - but I've learned when to hold and when to gamble. Hell, I might whine - but that's so I get it off my chest and stick to the plans I'm constantly in doubt about. Bite me, you god-damned longhair hippie. (of which I am a member, but *I* have curly, flowing locks, biatch...)

All that said - shit, in terms of sustainability - I'm doing great.

I have a very solid job. I have to *work at it* - mostly on an intellectual basis. My boss and I get along frighteningly.

My family is what it is, and I hide in here in a stagnant mess I would clean up, but I'm usually busy working, or spending time with the girlfriend - who doesn't realise the corollary between bitching at me to clean this shit up and then demanding my time on a constant basis.

I don't get laid much due to the joys of birth control - been not-laid for years, I'll manage.

I have basically no money to spend if I want to be in a position to spend money.

I have no motivation to wake up and try, but I still do. Someone's gotta do all this shit.

But, ultimately...all things considered, man...I shouldn't wake up with a smile.

I do. I've had my face beaten in a couple dozen times, had my ribs broken during sex, done immeasurable harm to many, and I can't find any more reasons to get up and go.

I...still....grin. This is all so fucking stupid, when you think about it, that you can't help but laugh at it. Suspended disbelief, I guess. Works for movies!

Want a clusterfuck? I promised Koliedrus that I'd try living once. Because I ought to be invested in myself. So - here I am. My life, my past, and having to go "there's something better out there, man!" makes me want to cry as of late, when I see everyone who'll criticize everything that walks, as miserable as the rest; the aches and pains from work make me want to puke - I never do. I see no fucking point to things like this, if people like you are so god-damned miserable to jump on anyone that doesn't follow your philosophical bents...what the fuck are you supposed to be proving?

Humans can throw rocks to feel better? See the monkey, that, disappointed, beats up another monkey and laughs at it. The beaten monkey goes and beats up yet another monkey. And laughs. The last monkey goes back to his mom, and cries. Interesting lesson, if you know the original story. ;)

Something that...critics like you relevant people just don't seem to ever get.

I'm tough and capable, man. How's about y'all? When I do throw rocks...it necessarily offends. But it ain't often.

--J; midnight produce clerk, no assets, no life, no fun, no sex, no gadgets, and a prayer for things to get better... :)

[Billyman]

That was a post worth reading. One of the best in a looong time.

Well done.

[SimpleSimon]

Well and good, EA. T\Glad too hear you at least grin, now and then. As for your $20/week comment, all I can say is that if your job exhausts you so utterly that you are too bleary to cook for yourself, you are almost certainly deep into alcohol fueled malnutrition.

I'll just reiterate:
...
Change things. Take a paycheck, pack what you NEED in a backpack, buy a bus ticket to a city you have never been in before. Don't tell me that won't work - you don't know it won't, as you've never tried it. I have - I arrived in Houston at the beginning of Aug of 1990 with a burlap bag of clothes/toiletries, and a Smith-Corona portable typewriter, and $80.

I knew not one single soul there, and had never been in Houston before in my life (save once, at the airport only), yet I had a part-time job in 3 days, and a second part-time job in two more days. At the end of Sept I helped co-found a biotech laboratory services company that by Aug of 1994 was doing $4.5 million in business a month.

I had some advantages, true - partly education, but mostly attitude. I knew - beyond any doubt - that no-one would believe in me if I didn't believe in myself first. Why should they, after all? They did not know me, nor owe me anything.

BELIEVE in JASON! Quit mouldering in a wallow of self-pity, leave your bad situation, and make some changes. The only person you can change is yourself, and the only one who can change you is YOU.

[skalie]

Could use tips on what I can make to take to work when I'm so worn out from work that I can't stand up straight, can't see straight, can't coherently operate a stove-knob, but can't sleep from stress, either. :)

Uber once said that he'd never work a job he didn't like, and while not everyone is spoiled for choice, it's pretty good advice, in retrospect.

Not sure what you are doing at the moment, but here's my story...

I spent five or so years learning internet technologies, much through forums such as this, but also through internships and eventually ended up having the joy of being able to work from my house, read, anywhere I fucking wanted to, as long as I had connection.

Sort of a dream realized, but then not, the job was never finished at the end of the day, guess I was too much of a lazy perfectionist.

I got a break and now get good money building stages, sort of the Rock'n'Roll work I always used to do, but more dangerous, which means less drug use amongst one's colleagues, as in no headless chickens.

Nowadays I can get up at 4.30, drive for 2 hours, carry around steel for 12 hours, then still feel great at the end of the day, drink six beers, be ready at 8 the next morning, working harder, imho, than kids half my age, er, like you.

Then again, it's the beauty of watching something get built, or quickly demolished that gives one the sense of satisfaction. I once used to do physical work for a midget dyke with powermongering issues and used to come home exhausted.

Which brings us back nicely to the Uber-remark.

Funny thing was, last festival I broke down, I met two webmasters who were carrying around steel for free as stagehands, one said he did it to relieve stress.

[Escape Artist]

Pat - aside from a couple blips here and there - and literally that; I have a pint of something or other before going to bed on my first day off, and that's that. Sure, I want more the next day. But I've learned about responsibilities. :) That's why I'm still awake now - I spent all morning taking care of them. Anyway. It's just fucking hard to eat when your dad sleeps next to the kitchen through an open doorway.

Can't even turn on most of the lights in there. Nevermind running water, opening the fridge, the oven/microwave beeping. Plus I'm the only driver here and I just can't afford much food m'self - not that I want to shop for any after a night at work. I run from the goddamn place.

Wish it were just drinking, that I can stop. But no. I'm adapting. After being just-fed for years and years, I'm learning to shop and feed myself. :) Even under these conditions.

Skalie - aside from absolute crap pay, I'm kinda doing that. Right now I'm earning my dues with ball-busting work and shit hours and shit pay - but...all things considered I'm getting a better education in business than I'd get in college. At the end of the day Corporate Inc is still stupid and things are as fucked up as ever...but that's just how it usually goes.

100k in product turnover every fucking week makes you qualified to Do Things - so I'm not worried about getting another job; just won't be in Michigan.

Today I put up about 60k worth of stuff, howled at the boss, he howled at me, I broke half a zillion rules that I'd be fired for - and the place looked great. My job is comfortable - but it challenges me; and that's all I live for at this point. He punched out and fled before I did, w/35 years in this godforsaken biz. I'm watching what he does. :p Along with everyone else. No qualms with imitation.

I don't care about money. I don't care about having friends; been abandoned in practice by all. I don't care about being happy - man, everything goes wrong for me; I'm careful at work and bleeding on Sundays like clockwork.

So I just try to raise the bar for myself, and I try to give everyone around me the tools they need to really better themselves. Similar to what I did here back before I fucked my life and everything else up.

And, surprise, it still works. :) And I'm glad, because that's all I've friggin got left. If the prospect didn't freak me out, I'd prolly hang myself - this living shit is not fun, and I did not request it. Tired of being the only one facing everything head-on and howling at it in the process, man. So I cry in private. :p meh!

Skalie, thing with you is you've had the right idea all along - we all die someday.

You seem to try and enjoy it and have a knack for chasing opportunities. You are a diverse motherfucker - but we knew that already. And you're good at what you do. Nevermind the objectivity you have. Kudos.

No suck-up-age, just sayin'.

[Asmodeus]

Chasing opportunities is one thing, "recognizing" opportunities is another. "Creating" opportunities is yet another.

Me? I am terrible at recognizing opportunities. Absolutly stink at it. But, I am fairly good at creating them: placing myself in the right place(sort of) at the right time(close enough).

In other words: manipulation.

Find whatever it is you want to do: do research as to companies that do whatever, cities, town, wherever.

Like in TX: if I want to get back in the oilfield I won't send resumes everywhere. I'd get on the TX Railroad Commission website, they will have all the TX oilfields mapped out, where new drilling and pipelines and whatnot is happening.

Pick a place you would like to be(hill country, desert, mountains, whatever) Get yer butt there(drive, hitchhike, bus, however), camp out, get a hotel, YMCA, whatever, find the nearest bar/diner, and wait. Eventually the foreman, toolpusher, supervisor or whatever title they go by will walk in for a drink.

Find a booth with a view of the parking lot to see the vehicles. The "boss" will almost always have a very dirty white, blue or brown truck with a sign on the doors. Strike up a conversation(cars, bikes, girls, whatever you think will get them talking). I have gotten some of my better jobs this way.

Manipulation 101 if they taught it in skool. But it does work in most circumstances, fields, genres, whatever.

But it does mean you will be making a hard one way trip with NO gaurentees. Deal with it, learn, adapt. If all else, flip burgers or wash dishes till you have enough to try the next town(done that before too).

Help or hinder, gives you a different perspective. One that took me a while to learn.

[Escape Artist]

test! near as I recall, I'm supposed to be banned.

[jules]

http://www.thehypertribe.net/forum/showpost.php?p=118588&postcount=35

[Billyman]

Thanks Jules.

Jason,

The Hypertribe Admin Team only issues bansticks for spammers and members that post illegal content such as child pornography or illegal software.

Being argumentative, being a member just to start shit, or a member just being your run-of-the-mill idiot does not constitute the banstick as per the Administration ruels.

Feel free to be all the idiot you can be and flaunt your stupidity and ignorance with pride. :)

[Escape Artist]

I wonder, man. I sit around every day calling people just about every name in the book - dead sober; I get bombed my first day off - and my mindset is a large part of that. Everyone but me is wrong, and I'm the only one who is right.

*tips beer in salute*

Most of the reason I drink. I'm a little tired of people not understanding. You're the first to howl I'm great, and the first to howl later that I'm ignorant, lazy, and predictably impulsive. I think you have some issues with your judgement of individuals that you need to work out. I'm a swampland-dwelling loser with small hopes, high dreams, and a frighteningly high ability to get them. Won't be no billionaire though. Might someday run a business efficiently. Get used to it. My friend, you see the worst of me now. And that's it. And that, in itself, is one day per week. If that.

Conversely:

I like flaunting my stupidity and ignorance with pride; at the end of my days - literally, at work - I give quiet advice forced out of me against my will that saves careers and lives. I'm stupid, and I've fucked up - and until I am dead I think I will be proud of every moment of growth I have experienced as a result - and the regret I feel over the consequences will crush me until then, too, as a well-meaning if contradicted individual.

Hell, I just broke away from my post to go squeeze under a busted garage door, unlock the side door, free a trapped person - and my sole response was "Problem's taken care of" as I walked away at work-speed. I knew I could just pick the lock on it 5 hours ago - but people have to learn and fuck up for themselves. The smart idea is to sit around, let them do it, shrug at the fallout, and - catch their own damn fish, after they're shamed enough to finally fucking listen.

So - I don't stick around for accolades, and I don't especially want to be a good person, and I have no special problem with being one when it is needed. I am not, however, going to whore myself out and run myself into the ground to get praised for being amazing. Done it a few times. The criticisms don't bother me. Yes, I know what I'm capable of, yes, I know what I can do - and odds are, I'm not doing it for you. Period; that simple, now go away. Fuck.

The above is all I aim for. It's absolutely unappreciated, and people don't learn from it, and I see them make the same mistakes, and I fucking agonize sometimes knowing what they're going to do - but my hands are tied, as an ethical person; I don't get trashed and tell them how fucked up they've been.

It is all I can do to concentrate on being there to help out and save them and be responsible six days of the week, and that is what I do. I come from a family of drunks, ex-cons, and laborers - that's some ancestry. I have a million excuses for not getting up, going to work.

I...just don't think THT deserves that effort. And - when it did, I don't think I did too bad a job for my age and experience. Now I get to retire and curse and howl, and dammit, I wanna. I hate being polite. Now I choose who gets advice and a hand. :)

If that's ignorance, great. I hate seeing the consequences of the alternatives in others. They get hurt a lot. And end up broke. And are as lonely as I am; but I have stuff to Live For.

But they Shore Is Happy! No thanks, Billy.

And, btw, it's ironic you post this stuff the day that no matter what I did, I was logged in...but couldn't post. :p

I know how firefox treats cookies. Interesting. And then it worked...