mute
05-21-2001, 03:21 AM
here's something i read in the newspaper tonight at work and brought it home to share with this wonderful place...
it's an article written by Maureen Dowd, a Pulitzer Prize-winnig columnist for The New York Times...
*clears throat*
WE WANT BIG. We want fast. We want far. We want now. We want 345 horsepower in a V-8 engine and 15 miles per gallon on the highway.
We drive behemoths. We drive them alone. This country was not built on HOV lanes.
We don't have limits. We have liberties.
If we don't wear our seat belts, it doesn't matter, because we have air bags. If the air bags don't deploy, it doesn't matter, because our cars are so beefy, we'll never get bruised. If we need to widen the streets for our all-wheels drives, we will. If we need to reinforce all the bridges in the country, so that they dopn't buckle and collapse under our 5,800-pound SUV's, our engineers will do that.
We'll bake the earth. We'll brown & serve it, saute it, simmer it, sear it, fondue it, George Foreman grill it. (We invented the Foreman grill.) We might one day bring the Earth to a boil and pull it like taffy.(We invented taffy.)
If rising seas obliterate the coasts, our marine geoligists will sculpt new ones and Hollywood will get bright new ideas for disaster movies.
If we get charred by the sun, our dermatologists will replace our skin.
If the globe gets warmer, we'll turn up the air-conditioning.(We invented air-conditioning.) We'll drive faster in our gigantic, air-conditioned cars to the new beaches that our marine geologists create.
We will let our power plants spew any chemicals we deemm necessary to fire up our Interplaks, our Krups, our Black & Deckers and our Fujistu Plasma-visions.
We will drill for oil whenever and wherever we please. If tourists don't like rigs off the coast of Flordia, they can go fly fishing in Wyoming. We won't be deterred by a few Artic terns. We don't care about caribou. We don't care for cardigans. Give us our 69 degrees, winter and summer. Let there be light - no timers, no freaky-shaped long-life bulbs. (We invented the light bulb.)
We want our refrigerators cold and our freezers colder. Bring on the freon. Banish those irritatiing toilets the restrict flow.
When we flush, we flush all the way.We will perfect the dream of nuclear power. We will put our toxic waste wherever we want, whenever we waste it. We have whole states with nothing better to do than serve ancestral burial grounds for our effluvium. It can fester in those wide open spaces for thousands of years.
We will have the biggest, baddest missiles, and we will point them in any direction we like, across the galaxies, through eternity, forever and ever.
We will thrust as many satelites as we want into outer space, and we will surround them with a firewall of weapons for their protection.
We will guarantee broadband and fast connections to the Internet. We will not permit anybody, anywhere, at any time to threaten the delivery of all the necessities to computers, Palm Pilots and BlackBerrys: stock quotes, sports scores, real estate listings, epicurean.com recipes, porn. (OK, so we didn't invent porn.)
By arming space, and protecting satelites, we ensure life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness - our 500 TV channels drawn from the ether.
We will secure the inalienble right of every citizen driving by himself in his big car to be guided by a global positioning system.
Nobody should have to call in advance for directions to a party when satellite can show the way.
We will modify food in any way we want and send it to any country we see fit at prices that we and we alone determine in the cargo ships we choose at the time we set.
Our international banking arm - the World Bank and the IMF - will support whatever dictatorship suit us best.
We will fly up any coast of any nation on earth with any plane filled with surveilance equipment and top guns that we possess.
We will build superduper-jumbo jets so Brobdingnagian that runways will be crushed under their weight at the most congested airports in the history of aviation.(We invented aviation.)
We will buy, carry, conceal and shoot firearms whenever and wherever we want, as is our contitutionally guaranteed right.(We invented the Constitution.)
We will kill any criminal we want, by lethal injection or electrocution.(We invented electricity.)
We are America.
DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN!
------------------
............
it's an article written by Maureen Dowd, a Pulitzer Prize-winnig columnist for The New York Times...
*clears throat*
WE WANT BIG. We want fast. We want far. We want now. We want 345 horsepower in a V-8 engine and 15 miles per gallon on the highway.
We drive behemoths. We drive them alone. This country was not built on HOV lanes.
We don't have limits. We have liberties.
If we don't wear our seat belts, it doesn't matter, because we have air bags. If the air bags don't deploy, it doesn't matter, because our cars are so beefy, we'll never get bruised. If we need to widen the streets for our all-wheels drives, we will. If we need to reinforce all the bridges in the country, so that they dopn't buckle and collapse under our 5,800-pound SUV's, our engineers will do that.
We'll bake the earth. We'll brown & serve it, saute it, simmer it, sear it, fondue it, George Foreman grill it. (We invented the Foreman grill.) We might one day bring the Earth to a boil and pull it like taffy.(We invented taffy.)
If rising seas obliterate the coasts, our marine geoligists will sculpt new ones and Hollywood will get bright new ideas for disaster movies.
If we get charred by the sun, our dermatologists will replace our skin.
If the globe gets warmer, we'll turn up the air-conditioning.(We invented air-conditioning.) We'll drive faster in our gigantic, air-conditioned cars to the new beaches that our marine geologists create.
We will let our power plants spew any chemicals we deemm necessary to fire up our Interplaks, our Krups, our Black & Deckers and our Fujistu Plasma-visions.
We will drill for oil whenever and wherever we please. If tourists don't like rigs off the coast of Flordia, they can go fly fishing in Wyoming. We won't be deterred by a few Artic terns. We don't care about caribou. We don't care for cardigans. Give us our 69 degrees, winter and summer. Let there be light - no timers, no freaky-shaped long-life bulbs. (We invented the light bulb.)
We want our refrigerators cold and our freezers colder. Bring on the freon. Banish those irritatiing toilets the restrict flow.
When we flush, we flush all the way.We will perfect the dream of nuclear power. We will put our toxic waste wherever we want, whenever we waste it. We have whole states with nothing better to do than serve ancestral burial grounds for our effluvium. It can fester in those wide open spaces for thousands of years.
We will have the biggest, baddest missiles, and we will point them in any direction we like, across the galaxies, through eternity, forever and ever.
We will thrust as many satelites as we want into outer space, and we will surround them with a firewall of weapons for their protection.
We will guarantee broadband and fast connections to the Internet. We will not permit anybody, anywhere, at any time to threaten the delivery of all the necessities to computers, Palm Pilots and BlackBerrys: stock quotes, sports scores, real estate listings, epicurean.com recipes, porn. (OK, so we didn't invent porn.)
By arming space, and protecting satelites, we ensure life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness - our 500 TV channels drawn from the ether.
We will secure the inalienble right of every citizen driving by himself in his big car to be guided by a global positioning system.
Nobody should have to call in advance for directions to a party when satellite can show the way.
We will modify food in any way we want and send it to any country we see fit at prices that we and we alone determine in the cargo ships we choose at the time we set.
Our international banking arm - the World Bank and the IMF - will support whatever dictatorship suit us best.
We will fly up any coast of any nation on earth with any plane filled with surveilance equipment and top guns that we possess.
We will build superduper-jumbo jets so Brobdingnagian that runways will be crushed under their weight at the most congested airports in the history of aviation.(We invented aviation.)
We will buy, carry, conceal and shoot firearms whenever and wherever we want, as is our contitutionally guaranteed right.(We invented the Constitution.)
We will kill any criminal we want, by lethal injection or electrocution.(We invented electricity.)
We are America.
DO IT FOR THE CHILDREN!
------------------
............