AD/HD & learning disabilites

[jules]

thoughts/experiences?

I always thought ADD/ADHD was bullshit and just an excuse for parents and teachers of dumb kids who misbehaved to medicate them so they were easier to deal with.

Then someone suggested I look into it, and I found out that I had a pretty bad misconception of the disorder, and that it would really explain a lot of the difficulty that I have with school and life in general.

I have been trying for several weeks to get an appointment for assessment, but it's not so easy to get one unless I want to wait several months. If I am diagnosed (I really think there is a high probabilty this would be the case), even if I don't take drugs for it, it'd allow me things like extra time for taking tests, which would make one hell of a difference for me.

I am having to try to change my mindset because I've always sort of been biased against these people/disorders. I do not agree with overmedication of children and handing out diagnoses like candy, but now that I realize that the way I've always felt may be the way all of those kids felt, I am beginning to understand and appreciate it a little more...

[Mudflap]

http://www.ronandjoe.com/funfree/sillykid/dopey.jpg
How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb?

http://www.ronandjoe.com/funfree/sillykid/amery.jpg
How many?

http://www.ronandjoe.com/funfree/sillykid/dopey.jpg
LET'S GO RIDE BIKES!

[Asmodeus]

Muddy summed it up.

Name a person, any person, and they will all show signs/symptoms of ADHD... unlkess they are either stoned or on Lithium.

I have it, you have it, she has it, he has it, we all have it. Deal with it. It is merely a part of the learning process(ie knowing limitations and expectations).

It's all about will power, respect, and self dicipline... or the lack thereof.

[Escape Artist]

It's easy to say that it's merely a discipline issue and so forth.

However, in my experiences with tutoring at-risk students, dealing with my nephew's ADD during his formative years, and trying to get past a couple severe problems of my own, that isn't the case at all. At least not what I've seen in practice.

Personally, I went right from preschool into an academy for the so-called "gifted and talented" and remained in such institutions and programs until high school rolled around.

It was all the same things, from the preschool placement test to teachers deciding what classes to give me - "here's some hoops, think you can handle them?" More often than not I sat there and rewrote their curriculums, fixed their computer networks, tutored students left and right, played teacher's assistant for a couple classes, taught on the side, and so forth. All the work given to me in class was typically done before the initial lectures were complete.

I kept this up despite living in a dysfunctional household, with friends who were less than goal/success-minded. Many kids I were assigned to had similar issues. They all busted their asses but just weren't something the teachers could handle - for whatever reason.

Anyway, in terms of functional disabilities - I've had a total of two problems with academia:

1. School is fucking BORING. I absorb practically everything like water.
2. Math doesn't quite fit into the above.

I did some research on the math bit, and it's a fairly well-documented issue. Like Juliana, I'd have to get assessed- for me, in order to scrape through school.

Unlike the real world where people are tasked according to strengths and profitability, academia just says "Do all of this, and quit asking why it doesn't make sense, you fuck!"

The biggest problem is that in school you're told to prove you've learned something even when you can't - be it to their standards or altogether. Failure to succeed in one subject will usually trash the rest, regardless of grades.

LD's and so forth are going to be an increasingly large issue as the real world specializes further and demands high levels of academic standing to get employed.

Unfortunately, the prevailing opinion that the educational system must work by default is going to fuck over a lot of people.

C'est la fucking vie. Anyone wanna hire a dropout? :)

[Mae]

What he said.

[Cruise Director]

Make sure you explore the connections between ADHD and diet. There are a lot of studies out there these days that say the two are directly linked.

[Mae]

My brother was diagnosed early in his life. It was really obvious that there was a problem; turns out he was also dyslexic. He got a lot of help, he got extra time ect. I did not, I went through the exact same thing that Jason did, word for word. I find that I work better, and learn better when there are a lot of things going on. I took my inability to focus on one thing and used it to multi task. It might not work for you, I only discovered it in the last two years, but you might try playing to your strengths. Good Luck.

[jules]

I don't have much issue focusing on one thing. It's more that I can't really control what that one thing is going to be, or approach things in a mentally organized manner.

If you look at my room right now, for example, it is utter disaster and chaos (a veteran male RA told me it was "the worst room I've ever seen")... but the bed is made perfectly, the bookshelf is organized alphabetically by author and then title, and in one of the closets, every shirt is hung and ordered by sleeve length, style, and color. This is because I set out to clean my room, but instead get wrapped up in some small detail of the task rather than actually making the room clean as a whole.

That is sort of how school has always been for me. I go to class with the intent of listening and taking notes, but end up finding it ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE that I count how many tiles are on the floor, or finish reading a chapter in my novel, or read every single thing on the walls, before I can devote any attention to anything else.

I got a lot of shit for being smart while I grew up. A lot of things were intuitive to me that were difficult for my classmates and required their full attention. In second grade, when I could mumble some half-assed excuse every day for why I lost my homework, it worked out okay. My teachers thought I was brilliant and the best thing in the world. However, as I got older, it became more about what you could DO instead of what you could KNOW. I would put projects off until 3am the morning before, and then end up not finishing or never bothering to bring them in. I'd lose homework papers or forget they were ever assigned. It's the same shit I've always done, except now it matters.

I have ALWAYS been envious of the kids who had organized desks, and never lost or forgot anything, always finished every single assignment and did so on time... it's been a constant source of frustration in my life that other people had this ability, but as hard as I tried, I could never keep up for more than a few days. My self esteem and confidence suck from being told repeatedly by every authority figure in my life who knew me that I'm lazy and I'm a slob and I'm irresponsible and I'm ungrateful and I need to try harder and I'd be successful if I only applied myself. It is the worst feeling in the world to put everything you have in only to be told on a daily basis that it's not enough.

When you're a kid, you believe all of the bad things people tell you that you are. Maybe it's all true; maybe I'm just a lazy, irresponsible slob. I think, though, that I know myself too well to believe anymore that that's the case.

[Koliedrus]

Damn. Now I have to print this so that it's worthy of a frame.

Priceless insight.

[Mudflap]

I'm a bit the same way, albeit to a much lesser degree.

Its funny how my ADD qualities manifest when I play MPORPGS.

[Happy]

I don't have much issue focusing on one thing. It's more that I can't really control what that one thing is going to be, or approach things in a mentally organized manner.

If you look at my room right now, for example, it is utter disaster and chaos (a veteran male RA told me it was "the worst room I've ever seen")... but the bed is made perfectly, the bookshelf is organized alphabetically by author and then title, and in one of the closets, every shirt is hung and ordered by sleeve length, style, and color. This is because I set out to clean my room, but instead get wrapped up in some small detail of the task rather than actually making the room clean as a whole.

That is sort of how school has always been for me. I go to class with the intent of listening and taking notes, but end up finding it ABSOLUTELY IMPERATIVE that I count how many tiles are on the floor, or finish reading a chapter in my novel, or read every single thing on the walls, before I can devote any attention to anything else.

I got a lot of shit for being smart while I grew up. A lot of things were intuitive to me that were difficult for my classmates and required their full attention. In second grade, when I could mumble some half-assed excuse every day for why I lost my homework, it worked out okay. My teachers thought I was brilliant and the best thing in the world. However, as I got older, it became more about what you could DO instead of what you could KNOW. I would put projects off until 3am the morning before, and then end up not finishing or never bothering to bring them in. I'd lose homework papers or forget they were ever assigned. It's the same shit I've always done, except now it matters.

I have ALWAYS been envious of the kids who had organized desks, and never lost or forgot anything, always finished every single assignment and did so on time... it's been a constant source of frustration in my life that other people had this ability, but as hard as I tried, I could never keep up for more than a few days. My self esteem and confidence suck from being told repeatedly by every authority figure in my life who knew me that I'm lazy and I'm a slob and I'm irresponsible and I'm ungrateful and I need to try harder and I'd be successful if I only applied myself. It is the worst feeling in the world to put everything you have in only to be told on a daily basis that it's not enough.

When you're a kid, you believe all of the bad things people tell you that you are. Maybe it's all true; maybe I'm just a lazy, irresponsible slob. I think, though, that I know myself too well to believe anymore that that's the case.
This whole thing has me in tears and I don't know why.

[Billyman]

Damn. Now I have to print this so that it's worthy of a frame.

Priceless insight.

No fuck it isn’t. It’s nothing more than a prime example of “don’t want to”. Control, self control, brain function and concentration is something you, me and everyone else must take. Even if I don’t give a flying fart of what the teacher has to say, it is up to me and me only to make up my mind to listen anyway.

This is some of the same shit I deal with with my 6 year old daughter who is in the 1st grade and reading on a 3rd grade level. She isn’t any smarter than me and I’m not smarter than her, I’m just more educated and she always learns something new when she listens to me.

[jules]

I wish you had any fucking idea what you're talking about.

I want desperately to listen. I care about the material. I wouldn't be paying fucking 24k/yr to be here if I didn't care and didn't want to listen.
I want to finish what I start. I want to remember where I put my keys and wallet, and stop losing my $100 sunglasses. I want to remember what I was looking for by the time I get to the next room. I want to do well and I want to succeed and I want to live up to my potential.

I hate myself for being this way and would do anything to be able to function like the people around me.

Fuck you. You might as well go tell a blind person that they "don't want to" see and need to learn how to do it, or tell a manic depressive to quit being so goddamn moody.

[Happy]

I wish you had any fucking idea what you're talking about.

I want desperately to listen. I care about the material. I wouldn't be paying fucking 24k/yr to be here if I didn't care and didn't want to listen.
I want to finish what I start. I want to remember where I put my keys and wallet, and stop losing my $100 sunglasses. I want to remember what I was looking for by the time I get to the next room. I want to do well and I want to succeed and I want to live up to my potential.

I hate myself for being this way and would do anything to be able to function like the people around me.

Fuck you. You might as well go tell a blind person that they "don't want to" see and need to learn how to do it, or tell a manic depressive to quit being so goddamn moody.
This is so correct. You suffer a double whammy it seems.

[Koliedrus]

Second grade stuff looks like this:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Write a proper noun that makes sense for each word below.
Use Capital letters and periods as needed.
Draw a picture to match your proper noun.


1. doctor 2.


3. dog 4.


5. girl 6.


7. teacher 8.


9. state 10.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Holly had trouble with those instructions while in class today. Her teacher noted in red ink: Please have Holly redo!

Holly pluralized the words given and drew a representation of each pluralized word.

It took 20 minutes to explain the instructions and for the light to click on. Most of that time was spent convincing her that she wasn't stupid.

5 minutes of parental teaching beats a full day of school? That should be bullshit but it isn't.

It seems more and more that teaching starts at home, not because it's a moral obligation but because the school system just can't be bothered with actually teaching a kid. They're too busy testing them and meeting "goals".


I also notice that the majoritiy of teachers in our area are female while the majority of shool board officials are male.

Just some insight.

[Billyman]

I wish you had any fucking idea what you're talking about.

I want desperately to listen. I care about the material. I wouldn't be paying fucking 24k/yr to be here if I didn't care and didn't want to listen.
I want to finish what I start. I want to remember where I put my keys and wallet, and stop losing my $100 sunglasses. I want to remember what I was looking for by the time I get to the next room. I want to do well and I want to succeed and I want to live up to my potential.

I hate myself for being this way and would do anything to be able to function like the people around me.

Fuck you. You might as well go tell a blind person that they "don't want to" see and need to learn how to do it, or tell a manic depressive to quit being so goddamn moody.

Hang on there young lady. What you lack is focus. It is difficult for you divert your attention from all that surrounds you and simply focus on one thing and that thing being the most important. That moth attached to the wall sitting motionless has captured your eye as well as your imagination. At that very moment and for several moments there after, that moth is all that is important. Everything else surrounding that moth is irrelevant and it fades out……even the background noises. I was like this when I was younger and still am in many ways. I’ll still walk across the shop to my tool box and forget why in the hell I’m there in the first place…….only to walk back to what I’m working on and stand there and stare at it hoping something will spark my memory.

I learned to make a conscience effort to have a place for everything (even sunglasses) and to put them in there place. This way I always know where they are. If an item is not in its place when I go look for it…….there’s usually an “oh….shit” verbally out loud from me. I know damn well what you speak of but having years to learn how to deal with it and understand it (it seems to be “human”) I’ve been able to live with it quite well. I also taught myself focus. After learning to control my own mind, after learning how to catch myself “drifting” and snap back…….that moth on the wall was the thing that became irrelevant.

As long as your brain controls you, you will suffer. Once you take control of it, you’re suffering will cease.

This message brought to you by the “Eat-A-Dick-Foundation”.

[jess]

I don't know Billy, I agree with you and then again I dissagree.
My step son from my other marriage had adhd. He was very intellegent. And he wanted to behave. He was on adderal for years. When on that, he was very good in school. If he'd miss a pill, we could tell it. There was a time, when I slipped him vitamin C, letting him and everyone around us think he was still on his adderal. Just to see if it was all in his head. He'd come home crying that he couldn't sit still in class and he couldn't figure out why when he remembered taking his pills that day.
His teachers would call and ask if he'd had them.
Now I do believe that now a days when a kid misbehaves in school teachers are too quick to jump the gun and tell you to put the child on drugs. But.. I also believe sometimes it's the only way to help the problem. I think too many people want to blaim every little thing on chemical imbalances, but sometimes it really is the case.
Now his adhd could've been controlled by diet also. He'd have to stay away from certain foods, it was impossible for me to control that when he stayed other places so often though.

[Billyman]

For our audiences amusement, could you elaborate on this child’s discipline or lack there of?

[jess]

Well yeah now he has no discipline at all. And I'll admit back then he didn't have as much as a child should have I guess. He did however have some discipline. He had to clean his room daily, go to bed at 8pm, he had limited video game and tv time. He had to do his homework. And he got punished many times. There were days when he didn't watch tv at all, the only thing I'd allow him to do was book work. There were times when he'd have to do laundry, or scrub the floors in the kitchen when he misbehaved. For the 8 years I lived there, he was disciplined.
A lot actually said I was too hard on him because he wasn't mine.
I'm not saying adderal fixed all his problems, it didn't. But, I am saying it did help him consentrate at school to better himself by making better grades.

[Pianomahnn]

Did he ever go outside and run around like a kid should? Or was he too busy doing these other tasks so he could sit and watch tv?

[jess]

No he wasn't made to do those other tasks just to sit and watch tv. He had to spend time outside playing and he had a time limit on tv and video games. He didn't want to go outside and play, if he had it his way he'd sit in front of the PS2 all the time. I had to make both kids go outside and play like kids should. They had a pool, trampoline, swingset etc. They had plenty to do, but I still had to shut off the tv and make a time when we all went outside.
The only times he had to do certain "tasks" other then the normal cleaning his room etc. was when he misbehaved in school. We found that making him do certain chores worked better then time outs or spankings for dicsipline.

[Billyman]

Well yeah now he has no discipline at all. And I'll admit back then he didn't have as much as a child should have I guess. He did however have some discipline....

So would you agree or disagree that you had less behavior problems from him than anyone else?

[SimpleSimon]

You know, I've read this thread, I recall past discussions on this board and in chat before it died on this topic, and I am struck by one thing.

The sheer prevalence of "learning disorders". As an exercise in logic, look up the statistics regarding the prevalence in western societies of school psychologists, special education teachers, and specialists in childhood development. Then look up the prevalence of diagnostic incidents for learning/behavioral disorders, and plot both on the same graph; absyssa being chronological years, ordinate being incidence per capita. The two curves are essentially identical, with the incidence curve lagging behind the prevalence curve by approximately 7 years.

Now, correlation is not causation, but it can be a strong clue to cause. Educational disorders/behavioral disorders are neither new, nor likely actually occuring in a much higher incidence today than when I was a child. Yet the reported/diagnosed incidence is enormously higher. Why?

I cannot answer that with any certainty, but I'd lay dollars against doughnuts that it is primarily a systemic artifact. If one is trained to find certain traits, one's future career is based on finding/treating those traits, one is quite likely to do just that

Yes, AD/HD is real. Yes, it has a variable degree of severity in different individuals. Yes, it's causative factors are complex, involving a mix of genetics/pre-natal conditions/neo-natal environment and socialization. Nevertheless, such has always been true. The world today is not fundamentally different than world at the time of my birth.

I was hyperactive as a kid - a serious problem in that I was in addition, physically constrained by my health, particularly the braces on my legs. I ate more food daily than did my father - he at 195 lbs, me at 25 lbs; he with a very physically active job, me just playing. I was skinny nonetheless - I burned those calories at a furious pace. In school it was nearly impossible to hold still, to stay focused, to pay attention. I consistently failed in deportment on every report card I ever got in grade school - I have them if anyone would like to see them. I DID learn, without the aid of a psychologist, or learning disorders specialist, or special education programs of any kind, be they for those unable to learn or those who were "gifted and talented".

Mankind has been teaching it's young for probably ten thousand generations or more as sentient, self-aware beings. In that time we have faced, and dealt with, every bloody minded kind of fool that CAN exist. It is not new, it is not unique, it isn't even unusual. What is new, unusual, possibly even unique is the idiocy of letting theoretical models based pn philosophical assumptions take the place of tried and true teaching techniques. Some kids NEED a willow switch, or a leather strap, or just a rap on the knuckles. God knows I did. Some few kids are unreachable - again, this has always been true.

What I am saying, I guess, is that while Jule's situiation is lamentable and no doubt tormenting to her, it is hardly new or or untreatable. We, as human beings, have collectively evolved by hard practice techniques which work. It is the abandonment of those techniques which we see the fruits of here.

[Billyman]

Yes, AD/HD is real.

I’d like to see you prove this.

What I mean is, by all the debunking information about ADD and ADHD and what you have written, it is not a disorder……..it is being human.

[Koliedrus]

I’d like to see you prove this.

What I mean is, buy all the debunking information about ADD and ADHD and what you have written, it is not a disorder……..it is being human.

Just testing.

[Billyman]

Test it on the zits on your ass. You’ve recorded me in the type of “by” vs. “buy”. :rolleyes2

[SimpleSimon]

I’d like to see you prove this.

What I mean is, by all the debunking information about ADD and ADHD and what you have written, it is not a disorder……..it is being human.

Everything known to man in terms of behavioral/psychological disorders/conditions is just being human, Billyman. Your acknowledgment of the validity of a definition for a "disorder" in neither necessary nor sought. You diagnose and repair physical problems in simple mechanical systems. Psychologists/psychiatrists attempt to do similar things for one of the most complex components of the MOST COMPLEX system there is - society.

Yes, different people learn different things in varying fashions. For those legitimately considered hyperactive or suffering from attention deficit disorder, there are (admittedly imperfect) diagnostic tests and tools. Every single human characteristic shows variation, which when plotted on a distribution graph fairly closely fits a normal Bell curve. Typically, to be considered problematic, the characteristic in question needs to be at least two, better three, standard deviations from the mean.

That is what I mean when I say that AD/HD is real. Believe my statements or not, Billy, I'll lose no sleep worrying either way.

[Koliedrus]

Test it on the zits on your ass. You’ve recorded me in the type of “by” vs. “buy”. :rolleyes2
I did? Sorry about that.

I was trying to see if the color of your font changed the way your words are taken. I tried it locally and didn't feel the "anger" right off the bat. I could actually read what you wrote without letting the color influence my emotions before I even began to read.

Or, you could say, I lost track.

What were we talking about again?

[Billyman]

Everything known to man in terms of behavioral/psychological disorders/conditions is just being human, Billyman. Your acknowledgment of the validity of a definition for a "disorder" in neither necessary nor sought. You diagnose and repair physical problems in simple mechanical systems. Psychologists/psychiatrists attempt to do similar things for one of the most complex components of the MOST COMPLEX system there is - society.

Yes, different people learn different things in varying fashions. For those legitimately considered hyperactive or suffering from attention deficit disorder, there are (admittedly imperfect) diagnostic tests and tools. Every single human characteristic shows variation, which when plotted on a distribution graph fairly closely fits a normal Bell curve. Typically, to be considered problematic, the characteristic in question needs to be at least two, better three, standard deviations from the mean.



Excellent answer my man.

[Billyman]

I did? Sorry about that.

I was trying to see if the color of your font changed the way your words are taken. I tried it locally and didn't feel the "anger" right off the bat. I could actually read what you wrote without letting the color influence my emotions before I even began to read.

Or, you could say, I lost track.

What were we talking about again?

If the color influences your perception immediately and hinders your ability to take something at face value……………….

What’s it like being racist?

[Mudflap]

A racist accusation is taking it a bit far.

We all respond similarly to primary colors on some level. Reds, yellows, and oranges being warm colors and blues, purples, and greens being cool colors.

One just might associate text color with states of emotion.

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Without stopping to think about it, which F.U. comes across as more harsh?

[Billyman]

Yeah, yeah, I knew what he was getting at. Most everyone is aware of how colors can effect moods and sometimes set a tone. The racist comment, although non-fitting and not comparable, is one of the first things that came to mind and it stemmed from a conversation with a racist asshole today. Anywho, back to colors……

It is true that some people have more or less reaction(s) to some colors than others. It’s obvious Kol has a problem with red text but is it red text, my red text or the color red in general? When someone a severe reaction to a color (red as in this example) they cannot see anything but the red and the mood that usually accompanies it. Like if that person was to walk into a grand hotel where the lobby has wall to wall red carpet and red velvet covered chairs and sofa. Most people could admire the beauty of it all and indeed feel “grand” in all the red glory whereas that one person would walk in a place like that and just be madder than hell until he found his nice, white, neutral room.

Xanthophobia is the fear of yellow by the way. Weird!

[SimpleSimon]

Strangely enough, color reactions are one of the few human characteristics that are remarkably uniform, regardless of cultural conditioning, socialization, or personal experiences. They are even relatively uniform in psychotics and schizophrenics. Very, very few people are able to remain angry in a room painted the same pink as that which the eyes of a baby perceive with light penetrating into the womb. Bright reds, particularly richer shades of that color, are great for raising aggression levels.

So, yes, red text does subconsciously affect the perception of the message.

[Billyman]

If Kol and I liked each other, this discussion/thread derailment wouldn’t even be taking place. ;)

[SimpleSimon]

Sorry to read that statement, Billyman. I seem to recall a time (not all that long ago) when you liked and trusted him enough to jump out of a perfectly good airplane with him. How times change.

[Koliedrus]

I meant to distract. Attention Deficit Disorder is still the topic. It happens.

Billy asked me to be his best man.

I thought we were ok.

Color me confused.

[Billyman]

Hmm, maybe I do need to change my font color………or choose different smilies.

The “winky” was supposed to indicate a joke and nothing more.

Everyone’s confusion should subside. We’re all cooj here.

[SimpleSimon]

Problem with smilies, Billy, is that unless I increase text size at least three times, I cannot see the smiley well enough to tell much more than that it is there. So I don't look for meaning in smilies.

[Koliedrus]

Hmm, maybe I do need to change my font color………or choose different smilies.

The “winky” was supposed to indicate a joke and nothing more.

Everyone’s confusion should subside. We’re all cooj here.


Sunuva.... Well that's just fucking great. I spend a whole goddam day worrying about how to respond and it all hinged on a smiley? How the Hell am I supposed to buy back the time I spent agonizing over our friendship?! More importantly, what the hell am I supposed to do with this?




http://www.dribbleglass.com/images/billboards/new-klan.jpg

Billy, you'll hear from my lawyers for the injustice you've done.

Shame one you!

;)

Ok. What were we talking about?

Oh, yeah!

I hope this answers part of your question, Jules.
We all get distracted.

Functioning within the limits of our own personal level of distraction is a goal many don't even realize exists. If you recognize distractions, you're one step closer to dealing with them.

I think I learned something important today.

Thanks, guys! No joke.

[jules]

6+ mos later...

"Wow. You were in the first percentile for most of these timed tests, but your scores on the untimed acheivement tests were above the 90th percentile for your age. This looks like the most clear-cut case of ADHD I've seen in a while.

...This isn't news to you, is it?"

[SimpleSimon]

6+ mos later...

"Wow. You were in the first percentile for most of these timed tests, but your scores on the untimed acheivement tests were above the 90th percentile for your age. This looks like the most clear-cut case of ADHD I've seen in a while.

...This isn't news to you, is it?"


Okay. Now you have certification on record of what you already knew. Use it.

You are one of the most consistently intelligent, common sensical young women it has ever been my pleasure to know, even if it is only superficially through this medium. I am confident that you will apply those traits to this situation as well. Good luck.

[Escape Artist]

well, it's little better than glorious flattery, but i'll agree.

i thought jul was a fucking genius back when she was 13 or so and doggedly figgering out shit left and right.

my recent illustrious, cogent, coherent post was basically the result of looking at what had been posted before and going "aw, son of a bitch! this is what i gotta aspire to accomplish?!"

so - yeah - i reckon there's enough brains there to fill a couple different heads. google all this shit on the same level the professionals would if they researched it, worked for me.

otherwise? it's a price you've got to pay, i guess. smarts have their price, usually it's absurdly expensive. that's been my conclusion for a while. however it reflects on me as a person, employee, advice-giver...i quit caring a long time ago. i am who and what i am, whether i like it or not, and operate within that framework like a train decides to go elsewhere on a whim.

don't let yourself identify yourself using that as a cornerstone; counterproductive in the short term, at minimum. only time it ever really matters is during the illustrious stage of academia, and its prejudices.

take advantage of social malleability, usurp the system, and abuse it til you can enjoy freedom of choice with some paperwork.