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MAC
06-17-2005, 02:15 AM
now as SimpleSimon will attest there's only one suitable dish to feed the family at Christmas time and that's raccoon!

yes, our banded tailed brothers with their teeny tiny opposable digits!
More trainable than dogs (and cleaner), more inquisative than cats (and 1/2 as feral), and easier to feed than any girlfriend you will ever have (they also don't get fat as fast)

The raccoon (Procyon lotor) is one of natures truely amazing creatures.

When I was a younger lad and my aunt vickie was alive she had a huge male raccoon named "mikey" whom she raised from a pup after loggers cut down the tree he lived in and killed his mom. (Loggers are notorious bastards) He was a smart devil who lived to a ripe old age with about 6 rottweillers and a couple of mastiffs. (That should tell you all you need to know about a raccoons ability to live in captivity.) I liked mikey. I didn't care for aunt vickie, but we don't speak ill of the dead.

Raccoons, however smart and likeable they may be have their weaknesses.
They like shiny things. I actually caught one once by nailing a bit of shiny metal in a hollow log just under a knothole. When I walked up a few day slater the raccoon was intent on figureing out how to get that bit of metal and he ignored me entirely until I was just a few feet away (maybe that was luck)
But mostly they like food!
In todays lesson we will see how to utilize an empty dumpster to capture raccons but the bushel basket full!

#1 empty your dumpster
#2 make sure the raccoons can get UP to the top of the dumpster from the outside but NOT from the inside. This is easy on my dumpster because the back is angled. they can easily jump up to grab the open lid but once inside, small raccoons can't leap up high enough to grab anything but smooth metal sides.
#3 put some trash or old food in the dumpster to attract the raccons

This formula has worked for (accidentally) with my work dumpster several times now. I always check and if a raccoon is present I always place aboard in the dumpster to let him out.
But today......

Today I had something I've never seen.....FIVE raccoons.

(all scrawny little house cat sized bastards, but still 5 raccoons)

so, remember, the trick to preparing raccoon (according to simon) is to let it hang a few days and age after you clean it out before you cook it! (preferably in the fridge)

btw: shooting things in dumpsters is dangerous due to ricochetes, flying metal and drunks passed out behind them that awake suddenly and begin shooting back.

So be sure to always leap into the dumpster with the animals and sandpaper their asses until they pass out or they gouge out one of your eyes

http://www.cox-internet.com/fabcoproducts/coons_01.JPG

http://www.cox-internet.com/fabcoproducts/coons_02.JPG

http://www.cox-internet.com/fabcoproducts/coons_03.JPG

http://www.cox-internet.com/fabcoproducts/coons_04.JPG

http://www.cox-internet.com/fabcoproducts/coons_05.JPG

please note that the one next to the can of WD-40 was actually laying on it and coughing when I found them. Also note that after I placed the board in the dumpster for them to get out all but one ran off who was still there when I left today (maybe she didn't feel good)

also note that according to several websites I read (like this one (http://www.loomcom.com/raccoons/)) by law the only way to domesticate a wild animal in most states is to shoot it or poison it.

I figured that was a concept worth noting.

Can we try that with pop music stars?

SimpleSimon
06-17-2005, 04:46 AM
Let me clarify a little here. Mac and I were discussing this in chat. I doubt he’ll mind if I quote the chat exchange:


SSimon> your dumpster?
MAC|werkin> Yes
SSimon> when we having roast coon for supper?
MAC|werkin> my dumpster full of coons as of 9:30
MAC|werkin> those are the scrawnyest raccons I've ever seen
MAC|werkin> these woods are teamign with them
SSimon> i could see that
SSimon> let them fatten up all summer
MAC|werkin> I'm sure there are big fat happy coons around but all i ever see at the skinny cat-sized ones
SSimon> leave your table scraps there regularly
SSimon> come oct they'll be ready for roasting
SSimon> pop a couple in the head with a .22
SSimon> field dress em, let em hang in a frig for three days
SSimon> they'll be ready forroasting
SSimon> wild rice and mushroom/celery stuffing
SSimon> slow baked at 25 min/lb at 325
MAC|werkin> now I'm hungry
MAC|werkin> it's hard to think about eating somethign that smells like th einside of a dumpster
SSimon> haha
SSimon> well, then, talk to the produce guy at brookshire's - tell him you are feeding coons and would like to get any reject fruit/produce he can let you have
SSimon> then feed em behind the shop
MAC|werkin> hmm
MAC|werkin> I'd fill it all with wormer if i did
SSimon> i'm dead serious mac - i've got a friend in humble does it all the time
SSimon> gets him about a dozen fat coons every fall that way
SSimon> thats why you treat it like any wild meat and make sure it is well cooked
SSimon> for him it is real easy - he is the produce manager at the super WalMart on 1960 just south of humble
SSimon> he pops a couple just before thanksgiving every yr, and about 4 or 5 for family traditional dinner at christmas
SSimon> i went up with him in 2000 to get a bunch of them at dark just before christmas
SSimon> he just calls the local cops, lets them know he's gonna pop some coons, there's one local cop usually shoots with him
MAC|werkin> heh
SSimon> he puts out enuf produce that by fall any given evening there'll be 15 - 20 coons waiting for the handouts
SSimon> and the last couple months he puts out old pastries from the bakery as well
SSimon> every morning he gets there 30 minutes early so he can hose down the rear apron and clean it up, so it doesnt get to stinking


Now, I don't mind trying it with pop music stars, but I'd never eat the dirty critters!

Skeet
06-22-2005, 04:10 PM
Coons are such beautiful creatures. My dad used to tame them and let them run free in and out of the house.

Cruise Director
06-22-2005, 05:23 PM
A gallon of WD-40 : $5.00
A roll of shrink wrap: $6.99
A bag of Doritos: $2.99

The "Saturday Night Social" at Mac's house: PRICELESS