Solstice_Gray
03-25-2005, 04:53 AM
The following are actual answers given on history
tests and in Sunday school quizzes by children
between 5th and 6th grade, in Ohio. They were
collected over a period of three years by two
teachers. Spelling and grammar are in the form that
the students wrote.
Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies
and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived
in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is
such that all the inhabitants have to live
elsewhere.
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where
they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he
ever reached Canada but his commandos made it.
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred
porcupines. He was an actual hysterical figure as
well as being in the bible. It sounds like he was
sort of busy too.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks
also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.
Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went
around giving people advice. They killed him. He
later died from an overdose of wedlock which is
apparently poisonous. After his death, his career
suffered a dramatic decline.
In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races,
jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. The
games were messier then than they show on TV now.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
because they thought he was going to be made king.
Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus."
Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized
by Bernard Shaw for reasons I don't really
understand. The English and French still have
problems.
Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen
she was a success. When she exposed herself before
her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and that was
the end of the fighting for a long while.
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of
blood.
Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he
invented cigarettes and started smoking.
Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100
foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his
men.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564,
supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money
and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in
Islamic pentameter. Writing at the same time as
Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey
Hotel. The next great author was John Milton. Milton
wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found
it.
Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
electricity by rubbing two cats backward and also
declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot
stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died
in 1790 and is still dead.
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent.
Lincoln's Mother died in infancy, and he was born in
a log cabin which he built with his own hands..
Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14,
1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in
his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture
show. They believe the fascinator was John Wilkes
Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined
Booth's career.
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions
and had a large number of children. In between he
practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his
attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was
the most famous composer in the world and so was
Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and
half English. He was very large.
Bethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was
so deaf that he wrote loud music and became the
father of rock and roll. He took long walks in the
forest even when everyone was calling for him.
Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
The nineteenth century was a time of a great many
thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing
by hand and started reproducing by machine. The
invention of the steamboat caused a network of
rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the
McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred
men.
Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I
don't know why.
Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ
of the Species. It was very long and people got
upset about it and had trials to see if it was
really true. He sort of said God's days were not
just 24 hours but without watches who knew anyhow? I
don't get it.
Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first
woman to do what she did. Other women have become
scientists since her but they didn't get to find
radios because they were already taken.
Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other
three were in the movies. Karl made speeches and
started revolutions. Someone in the family had to
have a job, I guess.
tests and in Sunday school quizzes by children
between 5th and 6th grade, in Ohio. They were
collected over a period of three years by two
teachers. Spelling and grammar are in the form that
the students wrote.
Ancient Egypt was old. It was inhabited by gypsies
and mummies who all wrote in hydraulics. They lived
in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is
such that all the inhabitants have to live
elsewhere.
Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where
they made unleavened bread, which is bread made
without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten commandos. He died before he
ever reached Canada but his commandos made it.
Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred
porcupines. He was an actual hysterical figure as
well as being in the bible. It sounds like he was
sort of busy too.
The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and
without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks
also had myths. A myth is a young female moth.
Socrates was a famous old Greek teacher who went
around giving people advice. They killed him. He
later died from an overdose of wedlock which is
apparently poisonous. After his death, his career
suffered a dramatic decline.
In the first Olympic games, Greeks ran races,
jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. The
games were messier then than they show on TV now.
Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the
battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him
because they thought he was going to be made king.
Dying, he gasped out "Same to you, Brutus."
Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized
by Bernard Shaw for reasons I don't really
understand. The English and French still have
problems.
Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen". As a queen
she was a success. When she exposed herself before
her troops they all shouted "hurrah!" and that was
the end of the fighting for a long while.
It was an age of great inventions and discoveries.
Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible.
Another important invention was the circulation of
blood.
Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he
invented cigarettes and started smoking.
Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100
foot clipper which was very dangerous to all his
men.
The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William
Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564,
supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money
and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote
tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in
Islamic pentameter. Writing at the same time as
Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey
Hotel. The next great author was John Milton. Milton
wrote Paradise Lost. Since then no one ever found
it.
Delegates from the original 13 states formed the
Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and
Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the
Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered
electricity by rubbing two cats backward and also
declared, "A horse divided against itself cannot
stand." He was a naturalist for sure. Franklin died
in 1790 and is still dead.
Abraham Lincoln became America's greatest Precedent.
Lincoln's Mother died in infancy, and he was born in
a log cabin which he built with his own hands..
Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the
Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14,
1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in
his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture
show. They believe the fascinator was John Wilkes
Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined
Booth's career.
Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions
and had a large number of children. In between he
practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his
attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was
the most famous composer in the world and so was
Handel. Handel was half German, half Italian, and
half English. He was very large.
Bethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was
so deaf that he wrote loud music and became the
father of rock and roll. He took long walks in the
forest even when everyone was calling for him.
Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.
The nineteenth century was a time of a great many
thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing
by hand and started reproducing by machine. The
invention of the steamboat caused a network of
rivers to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the
McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred
men.
Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbits but I
don't know why.
Charles Darwin was a naturalist. He wrote the Organ
of the Species. It was very long and people got
upset about it and had trials to see if it was
really true. He sort of said God's days were not
just 24 hours but without watches who knew anyhow? I
don't get it.
Madman Curie discovered radio. She was the first
woman to do what she did. Other women have become
scientists since her but they didn't get to find
radios because they were already taken.
Karl Marx was one of the Marx Brothers. The other
three were in the movies. Karl made speeches and
started revolutions. Someone in the family had to
have a job, I guess.