PB
12-24-2004, 02:39 PM
She would have been 26 this year..... but instead she'll forever be 18 1/2 years old...
She was my best friend. SHe was a mother to a beautiful little girl that just turned eight. She was the other part of my soul that no other friend will ever be ever to understand. SHe was my rock, She was the main thing in my life that let me be me...
A few days ago I thought to myself... SHe'd be getting excited about Christmas and her birthday right about now... it was always such a great time of year for us.. THe holiday spent at both her house and my own.... Now 7 years later.... the tears come when I think of her birthday being tomorrow...
The tears will be there when I go to her grave and sing her happy birthday... the stone won't budge or laugh or hug me when I'm done.... it won't smile to let me know she enjoyed it..
I'll leave there hating myself for allowing myself to get so worked up.. similar to the way I feel while I write this... but thankful that my life was touched by someone to such a point that I just can't let go of her... I don't pray much anymore, even though I know I should.. but I pray for the strength to be strong for my family, I pray for the strength to live my life to the fullest and to not worry so much... I pray for the strength for next year to be easier than this one.... each year I pray for that one, each year it still hurts the same.. I am hoping that one day that hurt will atleast allow me to get through the holiday without being miserable about her... I know it's ok to miss her.. but not to this level. I've gotten fairly good at hiding it for the most part... those closest to me know it's still there... I think they sometimes want to pretend it's not. :)
I love her.. I miss her..
Happy Birthday Michele
12/25/78 - 6/27/97
* I know I post about her once or twice a year, I'm not looking for advice or sympathy... I just need to let it out of my head... then maybe it won't weigh so heavy on my heart. **
She was my best friend. SHe was a mother to a beautiful little girl that just turned eight. She was the other part of my soul that no other friend will ever be ever to understand. SHe was my rock, She was the main thing in my life that let me be me...
A few days ago I thought to myself... SHe'd be getting excited about Christmas and her birthday right about now... it was always such a great time of year for us.. THe holiday spent at both her house and my own.... Now 7 years later.... the tears come when I think of her birthday being tomorrow...
The tears will be there when I go to her grave and sing her happy birthday... the stone won't budge or laugh or hug me when I'm done.... it won't smile to let me know she enjoyed it..
I'll leave there hating myself for allowing myself to get so worked up.. similar to the way I feel while I write this... but thankful that my life was touched by someone to such a point that I just can't let go of her... I don't pray much anymore, even though I know I should.. but I pray for the strength to be strong for my family, I pray for the strength to live my life to the fullest and to not worry so much... I pray for the strength for next year to be easier than this one.... each year I pray for that one, each year it still hurts the same.. I am hoping that one day that hurt will atleast allow me to get through the holiday without being miserable about her... I know it's ok to miss her.. but not to this level. I've gotten fairly good at hiding it for the most part... those closest to me know it's still there... I think they sometimes want to pretend it's not. :)
I love her.. I miss her..
Happy Birthday Michele
12/25/78 - 6/27/97
* I know I post about her once or twice a year, I'm not looking for advice or sympathy... I just need to let it out of my head... then maybe it won't weigh so heavy on my heart. **